9:23 AM (22 hours ago)
I've been trying to get in touch with somebody in regards to learning about your site's advertising strategy – specifically how you're set up monetizing your site.
My name is Juda and I work for Sovrn Holdings, which is a premium ad exchange that is the 3rd largest in the US, 4th in the world.
I'd love to talk about how you're currently optimizing your ad space and what Sovrn can provide to scale it. Who is the correct person to contact regarding this opportunity?
Ken At Popehat
9:28 AM (22 hours ago)
Dear Mr. Parker,
Thank you for your inquiry. We have been officing here attempting to brainstorm a monetizing strategy without achieving optimization. We could be optimizing better. We also are interested in adding scales or whatever.
Would we, in working with Sovrn, be able to ask for strategy paradigm initiatives that would direct particular types of advertising to monetize our scaling? We have some specific ideas and needs.
Very truly yours,
Thanks for reaching back out!
Absolutely, our Marketing department has set up multiple resources for publishers like yourself to access and ask strategy initiatives from our experts in the industry on our Sovrn hub: https://www.sovrn.com/hub/
My role as a publisher advocate is to make sure that I closely work with my clients to ensure that we maximizing account optimization and exploring potential growth opportunities.
I would love to schedule a quick call with you to get a better understanding of your current setup and demonstrate how the use of a PA can help you towards your revenue goals.
Would you be available to talk sometime tomorrow?
Please let me know your availability and I look forward to speaking with you soon.
Ken At Popehat
7:49 AM (0 minutes ago)
Thank you for your response!
My role as a blogger advocate is preparing the public for peril.
When I say peril, Juda, I am not talking about entertainment. Modern America confuses peril and amusement. Hence we have popular television programs portraying zombies as suspiciously attractive and employable and entire series of movies suggesting that spider fetishists are "normal" and even heroic as opposed to vulgar and prone to wearing inappropriately tight clothing that distractingly emphasizes their genital region.
I speak of ponies, Juda. Ponies.
Let me pause a moment to allow you to regain your composure. I'm not a monster, Juda.
Yes, we need to monetize. Yes, we need to raise our strategy's initiative to at least +2 so we are not caught flat-footed and left standing around in the surprise round like a drugged stoat. (Yes, stoats stand. Watch a YouTube video, for Christ's sake.) Yes, we need to optimize our account growth potential revenues.
We need to do these things against the ponies, Juda. Not for them. Against them. Against them, to the last of us, to our final breath, though it may cost us everything we hold dear and impact our credit ratings.
Juda, I need you to frame a strategy for us to make money telling people, in an engaging, eye-catching, non-threatening way, that if they do not listen to us right now then ponies will be dancing in their children's precious bodily fluids and viscera in a trice, like those awful people in the fountain at the start of the show where Matthew Perry gradually gained two hundred pounds and went mad.
Ponies spell our doom. Ponies never misspell it. Ponies are the cute, non-threateningly-ethnic, but somehow vaguely unsettling cherubic spelling-bee-winners who never falter, Juda, and the word they are spelling is apocalypse. We need to tell the people. All of them, even Belgians. We need to tell them, Juda, and we need to make money telling them so we can tell more of them, possibly with pop-up advertisements and auto-play videos that are very difficult to close because it is human nature to turn your eyes away from a weeping weal upon our collective soul if you possibly can without clicking madly for ten minutes and shouting obscene gerunds. I'm not talking about the band now because I would watch weeping weals upon them all day, obviously. In fact maybe that can be part of our advertising. "Ponies will kill your grandchildren. And it will be horrible, not like watching Collective Soul be trampled to death, like this. In fact quite the opposite. Do not conflate the two." That's a little wordy but I'm not in advertising, Juda, you are, and I rely upon your skills for the precise nomenclature.
I am most certainly not adverse to optimized monetization of strategic revenue initiatives, Juda, so if you can work this so we both fund our Pony Warning System and make some spending money, that would be most welcome. I have been investigating whether to buy one of those Amazon talking discs that you can yell at but am presently impecunious.
I remain, very faithfully yours,