So I have been dragooned into attending a poetry reading in the park. In this specific case the poetry is written and read by my son's Kindergarden class. The little tykes have been working on poems all spring in special poetry journals. I'm not sure of the park connection, other than that children like parks[Read More…]
1. I am being sued by Government Agency, that has frozen all my assets and wants a huge judgment against me. 2. So I will, without telling my lawyer, amend my last three years' tax returns to show a ginormous amount due and owing. 3. Then the IRS will come and take all the money[Read More…]
Thank you for participating in the conference call today. I have one item of constructive criticism regarding your presentation to the opposing lawyer. You certainly made an excellent effort to present your position forcefully. However, for future refrence, "touché" does not rhyme with "douche." Thank you.
Client: Mr. Fed, can I come see you this afternoon? We kind of have a problem? Me: [passive-aggressively pretending to joke while actually serious] You didn't tase someone again, did you? Client: We'll talk about it this afternoon. Me: …. Wait a second. Did you use the taser on someone again? Client: I've just run[Read More…]
Allow me to begin with the proposition that God is omniscient and omnipotent. So if the USA Network can dub "Yippi Ki Kay, Mr. Falcon" over Bruce Willis, surely God can rig some sort of autodubber. He wouldn't have to bother to be everyone at once; He could just hang back and let the Celestial[Read More…]
Dude is threatening client. Dude thinks client committed a crime. Dude is demanding that client pay him thousands of bucks or Dude will go to the cops. Client asks Dude to call me. I tell Dude that I understand and respect his concerns. I tell him that to proceed, I really need him to put[Read More…]
Sunday: day of kiddie birthday parties. Our fathers were men; men of valor; men of legend — they could get away with disappearing after church to go golfing or something. We, however, get sent to kiddie parties, tired and cranky kids in tow. This weekend was a kiddie party at a McDonald's nearby, one of[Read More…]
Parenting is teh hard. So last week my son starts to complain that his penis hurts. Based on his prior physical complaints and observation of his conduct, we assumed that this was (a) wildly exaggerated for attention, (b) metaphorical, and addressed to four-year-old mythic structures that we could not readily comprehend, or (c) could be[Read More…]