But screw all of that. I'm going to write about something important.
Do you want a puppy? I have one, free to a good home.
Let's get a few things straight. She's a stray. She started living under my porch on Friday night, probably hiding from a thunderstorm. She didn't have a collar. I'm not going to bother checking for a microchip, because: a) most people who chip their dogs are responsible enough not to let them get away in the first place; and b) she's a mixed breed, and only idiots (raises hand) chip their worthless mixed breeds.
She stank to high heaven when I brought her in. She was malnourished. Long a master of bathing stray dogs, that wasn't a problem for me. She now smells like lavender, mixed with a healthy dog smell, not a bad smell at all, sort of like old leather. She's been subsisting on a royal diet (for dogs) of Iams, milk, cheese, and raw eggs since I brought her in, and her coat now looks like life and health.
Surprisingly, she's semi-housetrained. She scratches at the door to go out, though she's not so disciplined as to wait long. That can be fixed quickly.
Now, the good parts. She's as cute as the dickens. She's very intelligent, and playful, but a little submissive. She's good around dogs and cats and small children. (All have been tested.) Now that she's had a bath, she's attractive, a red pit mix with white diamonds and belly. She has a long, hound-type body. Basically she looks like a basset hound with a square head. She'd make a great pet for a family. She's in excellent health, with fine teeth. I'd estimate she's three to five months old. We're getting rabies and other shots today, and putting her on flea, tick, and parasite medication, because we're sure the asshat who last had her neglected these protections.
I already own four dogs and honestly can't keep a fifth. Do you want a good dog? I won't give her to the local shelter, which is a nice shelter but it does kill. If you live in North Carolina or a surrounding state, have any interest and can pass my demanding character and fitness tests, comment here with a valid email address, and I'll get in touch.
I'll have a photo up later tonight.
UPDATE: She's definitely not chipped, (silly rude drive-by commenter who wants me to burn in Hell, did you really think I wouldn't have the dog scanned as a free courtesy when I took her to the veterinarian?) and in excellent health.
This is a facial glamor shot:
Again, if you live in, or are a reasonable distance from, North Carolina, or have a friend in such range in need of a really sweet puppy, leave a valid email address in comments and I'll get in touch. We already like her a lot, but keeping her wouldn't be fair to our older dogs, especially the blind thirteen year old basset hound, who's set in her ways and has little tolerance for whippersnappers.
She now has all shots. The veterinarian estimates her age at six months.