Nixon had his CREEP and enemies lists and dirty tricks and ratfucking. Clinton had his string of assassinations of political enemies, conducted so covertly and skillfully that they could only be uncovered by people who make a living by selling VHS tapes through the mail. Bush had Gitmo.
But that's just not how Obama rolls. If you fuck with him, you may find him thwarting your run for state office by propping up an ex-NFL player to run against you and then torpedoing your campaign by hiring guerrilla artists to circulate oil paintings of you giving birth to a pancake. Or possibly a placenta; its hard to tell whether that's a pat of butter or some sort of afterbirth.
Exihibit A, says Taitz, is a series of paintings of her by Dan Lacey, the so-called “pancake painter,” who achieved minor celebrity during the 2008 presidential race for his numerous depictions of a naked, muscular Obama perched atop a unicorn. He’s also painted Sarah Palin, John McCain and Mother Theresa, among other famous figures, with a pile of pancakes atop their heads.
But Taitz doesn't feel flattered to be in such company. She maintains that the painting titled Orly Taitz, Pancake Birther actually portrays her holding a placenta rather than a pancake. "This is really despicable,” she says, theorizing that one of her many political enemies put Lacey up to the work.
Which enemies are those? Why, it's the CIA, using the Goldfish Fanciers to attack the Orbital Mind-Control Lasers to control. Wait, I mean it's Obama and his supporters, who want to prevent her from winning the election for California Secretary of State and thus demanding that Obama produce his birth certificate and reveal the NSA's secret tinfoil hat technology.
Dammit. It's impossible to satirize this woman. I feel so powerless.
Last 5 posts by Ken White
- On Punching Nazis - January 21st, 2017
- How To Read News Like A Search Warrant Application - January 19th, 2017
- The Latest Defamation Case Against Donald Trump, and the "Trump Defense" - January 18th, 2017
- The Selma March In Some Rare Photos, And The Obligation To Speak - January 16th, 2017
- "Clock Boy" Gets His Clock Cleaned with Texas' Anti-SLAPP Statute - January 11th, 2017