It's time for the Road to Popehat, the feature in which we check out the site logs to see what Google searches brought visitors here, shudder, then go drink tequila straight from the bottle until we achieve the sweet, sweet release of oblivion.
In Spring, a young man's fancy lightly turn to thoughts of love. Or, for those of you who used Google to get here, heavily lurches towards thoughts of freakish fetishes. Here's a sample. Please note I've omitted the especially nauseating, as well as the ones that have tempted me to report IP addresses to the FBI's child porn unit. All of the following are searches that have brought people here in the last 30 days:
Your fetishes run from the strangely specific (gay women of Van Nuys social security office; celebrity men in scarfs [sic]; public penis punishment; explicit vaginal tattoos [query: if you're having your hoo-ha tattooed, does the tattoo really need to be explicit? I mean, couldn't you even accomplish shock and awe with a rainbow or something?]) . . .
. . . to the classic and general (games were [sic] you play wih [sic] boobs) . . .
. . . to the disturbing (big breasted monkeys; printable color pictures of burning boobs . . .
. . . to inquiries regarding koalas, chlamydia, and koalas with chlamydia (that's what I get for writing about free speech in Australia, I guess) (koalas with chlamydia; can you catch chlamydia from koala's [sic] [note: if you use an apostrophe that way, then yes, you probably can]; why shouldn't we get chlamydia [ask the apostrophe guy]) . . .
. . . to the race-to-get-a-trademark-on-that (star wars lesbians) . . .
. . . to queries that may either reflect fetishes or political attitudes, legal conundrums, or efforts to get us to do your homework for you (uc berkeley fuck conservatives; opposing quotes on stachatory [sic] rape laws; which state is it legal marriage [sic] to animals; silly rules for Orthodox Jews to follow).
Fortunately, we still draw visitors concerned with our core issues:
how are are officers disciplined for testifying: That's inaccurate. They're only disciplined for testifying truthfully.
can you sue someone for committing suicide: I think you're going to find the deposition unsatisfying.
why do women like to be treated like shit: Don't worry, she's going to see what a great guy you are and rescue you from the friend zone any day now. Keep acting needy; that works.
how do you do a legitimate question: I'm sorry, we specialize in impertinent questions.
lawyers are assholes: AWESOME assholes, thank you.
Last 5 posts by Ken White
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- Anatomy of a Scam, Chapter 15: The Wheels, They Grind - August 10th, 2017
- We Interrupt This Grand Jury Lawsplainer For A Search Warrant Lawsplainer - August 9th, 2017