Well it seems as though life has kicked you in the teeth about as hard as it's ever kicked anyone who had the privilege of being a United States Senator. You thought you had won reelection against an opponent who, while he's a rotten snake of a man qualified for high office only by virtue of the fact that he doesn't pay his taxes, had all the advantages including a nationwide tidal wave of party momentum and a rock star at the top of his ticket.
Against that, you had a warmed-over loser who believes that defeat can be honorable, a Barbie doll who kills mooseburgers with her chrome-plated Bible, and a party that's reeling from the disgrace of the past three (or is it five? or eight?) years. Or is it just Larry Craig? And yet you beat the snake narrowly, by a few hundred.
At least, you thought you had, until the absentees came in and the recount began. Then all those previously machine-counted ballots got a view by human eyes, and your few hundred turned into a few hundred for the other guy. (And the Lizard People – it never pays to underestimate the Lizard People.)
So you filed a challenge. By the time the recount was done, Senate inauguration had already occurred, and the people of Minnesota were without a Senator at a time when its people could assuredly have used a seat, even one occupied by a snake, at the table. As you so often reminded them, there was a war going on, and an economic downturn that looks, one day, to be called the "Not So Great Depression," rather than the "Great Recession." At least it seems that way here, and I can remember recessions all the way back to Jimmy Carter. I'm younger than you, but I've always read the news.
And then you lost the challenge. Well, you won, in that a number of previously excluded ballots (it was your position all along that the ballots should be counted) were counted. But the snake increased his margin over you. So I guess you did lose, though you won on principle. And you appealed to the judges.
And you lost again. The people of Minnesota, in the meantime, have been without a senator, which is great by the rest of us (we have more say in how their deficit dollars will be spent), but probably bad for them. Now, I hear you want to go to the Judges one more time. And you're keeping your options open for a federal lawsuit too. All of this could take months, or if you go federal, years.
Norm, I'm not your lawyer, but I think you've been getting bad advice from your own lawyers, or from someone anyway. Now I hate the snake (as I posted previously, though I got my prediction wrong – many apologies to Chris H.), but perhaps, at this point, it's time to start thinking about what's good for the people of Minnesota, and what's good for Norm. What's best for both is that you quit, while you're ahead.
That's right. You're ahead. You'll lose your senate seat, but it isn't "your" senate seat. Any more than the Presidency belongs to Al Gore. Be like Al.
Oh I don't mean be like the hyper-litigious block of wood that contested the Florida recount to the last possible moment, only to be shut out by a partisan Supreme Court decision that could have been beaten for meretriciousness and ill-founding only by the opinion that the minority would have written had they gotten Justice O'Connor's vote. I mean the Al Gore who gave this speech:
A speech that, despite Gore's being at heart a snake, set him free, and allowed him to become his own man. It was gracious, and generous, and it was public. For all his serpentlike litigiousness to that day, Gore, like Pinocchio, became a real man. He grew a beard. He got fat. He advocated for his passions unfettered by science, law, or politics, got rich, and today has a Nobel Prize. He could have won the Presidency, easily, in 2008, but passed it on to Obama because, after all, who needs the inconvenience?
Certainly not Al Gore.
And that's what you can be Norm. Not a secular saint and Oscar winner, but you'll land a good job at a law school or thinktank, and the prospect of trouncing the snake in 2014 (as Gore could have done in 2008), when the people of Minnesota realize they elected a serpent-man to the United States Senate.
Now the night of the fight, you may feel a slight sting, that's pride fuckin' wit ya. Fuck pride! Pride only hurts, it never helps. Fight through that shit. 'Cause a year from now, when you're kickin' it in the Caribbean you're gonna say, "Marsellus Wallace was right."
Think about it Norm. If you go all the way to the Supreme Court, you'll still lose, but you'll also lose what's left of your reputation. And your dignity.
On the other hand, if you follow my advice, a year from now, when you're kickin' it the Caribbean you're gonna say, "that dude at Popehat was right."