Step 1: Commit securities fraud.
Step 2: Lie to court and the SEC to avoid trial, claiming terminal colorectal cancer.
Step 3: ???.
Step 4: Profit.
The problem with lying to a court is that you may have to keep living the lie. For instance, if a defendant seeks to avoid trial on the false ground that he suffers from metastatic colon cancer, eventually the defendant will have to get around to dying of cancer.
Howard P. Richman, the former senior vice president of regulatory affairs at Biopure Corp., pleaded guilty in US District Court in Boston to a count of obstruction of justice, averting a criminal trial.
He admitted he forged a letter and an affidavit from a doctor saying he had cancer and went so far as to pretend to be his treating physician in a phone conversation with his attorneys.
The misrepresentations prompted a judge in July 2007 to end a suit by the US Securities and Exchange Commission.
Richman's codefendants settled without trial, paying the SEC fines in the neighborhood of $100,000. Now Richman is facing a sentence of up to ten years, for the equivalent of, "Please excuse Mr. Richman from court. He has the flu."
I suppose it's a good thing for Richman's lawyers that he didn't seek to avoid trial on grounds that the dog had eaten his defense team.