Alternative title: "I would have guessed he was a Democrat."
Jonathon Sharkey is a politician. He's not exactly mainstream, though he has run for many positions in several states, including a run for governor in Minnesota, which is notoriously tolerant of weirdos. But now he's run into some trouble. Did he fail to pay taxes? Solicit sex in a toilet? Finance an affair with campaign funds? No, I already said he's not a mainstream politician. Pay attention, dammit.
Jonathon Sharkey — who considers himself a vampire, and calls himself "The Impaler," and would like for you to call him that as well — pestered Buffy the Vampire Slayer, basically.
The criminal complaint says he was running for president in 2007 when the 16-year-old Rochester girl wrote a message of support on his MySpace page. She told police they began dating online, and the threats began when she tried to break off the relationship.
She told police that "in a desperate attempt" to get him to leave her alone, she had e-mailed him that she was a member of an elite vampire hunter society and that continuing their relationship would put him in danger. Her father told police he talked to Sharkey, but Sharkey continued to call the girl and write letters to her parents.
He was charged with felony harassment and two misdemeanors: coercion with a threat to inflict bodily harm and coercion with a threat to expose a secret or disgrace.
. . . .
Sharkey was supposed to appear in court here in August, but got a delay by saying he had been hurt in a pro wrestling match.
. . . .
The complaint says Sharkey told a Rochester police sergeant who called him last August that he was a vampire "who needs to drink human blood for strength." It says he referred to the Rochester girl as his wife and princess.
Let me just say this: in my career I have encountered many stark raving crazy people. Some were pro se litigants. Some were lawyers. Despite yielding to the temptation on several occasions, I have never found success in this young lady's strategy of shaping a crazy person's behavior by indulging their delusional structure. It just gets them more worked up.
Meanwhile, Sharkey is posed to build an alternative party for folks who want to keep government off our necks:
The Vampires, Witches, and Pagans Party was founded by Sharkey in 2005. It is officially recognized by the United States Federal Election Committee.
The Party advocates protection of the religious beliefs and political advancement of individuals identifying themselves as vampires, witches, pagans, demons, Satanists, Wiccans, and those professing similar lifestyles and religious views. Their campaign slogan this year is "Impale George Bush."
Ideally I'd like to see every political party advocating the protection of the religious beliefs and political advancement of Satanists, Wiccans, and those with similar religious views. However, as to people self-identified as vampires — or, to use my term for them, the poseferatu — I think that our present political parties are sufficiently blood-sucking, untrustworthy, somnolent during the day, and difficult to kill off.
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