A theological discussion, conducted in my car on the way to day care this morning.
Dramatis personae: Me, 39, Evan, 7, Abby, 5, Elaina, 2.
ME: Yes, Evan?
EVAN: How did Jesus get rid of the dinosaurs?
ME: . . . I beg your pardon?
EVAN [impatient]: How did JESUS get rid of the DINOSAURS?
ME: What do you mean, get rid of the dinosaurs?
EVAN: Weren't there dinosaurs around once?
ME: Yes . . .
EVAN: And didn't they used to eat people until Jesus came, and then Jesus came and got rid of them?
ME: [stunned silence]
EVAN: . . . or something like that?
ME: No, son. The dinosaurs were gone long before Jesus.
EVAN: I thought Jesus got rid of the dinosaurs.
ME: You're thinking of the moneychangers, and the people who sold doves.
EVAN: [openly incredulous] Doves?
ME: Never mind. Daddy was joking.
EVAN: Jesus didn't save us? I thought Jesus saved us.
ME: NOT. FROM. DINOSAURS!
EVAN: What did Jesus save us from?
ABBY: And that's why Santa brings us presents?
ME: No, it's . . . you see, Christmas is really . . .
ABBY: Jesus wants us to be good. Like Santa.
ME: Jesus does not want us to be like Santa.
ABBY: No, I mean Jesus and Santa want us to be good.
ME: Oh. Okay.
EVAN: Will Jesus get very angry if we're not good?
ME: Uh . . . Jesus will be sad.
ABBY: Will he get a headache, and have to go lie down?
EVAN: Jesus doesn't want us to be mean!
ABBY: So no fighting!
EVAN: Jesus says no punching!
ABBY: Jesus says no SPITTING in the FACE! PTUI PTUI PTUI!
ELAINA: [laughs uncontrollably]
ME: I think you guys should talk to Pastor Kristen about this.
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