Haggis gets The Question from her Bambina, and handles it (as I would have anticipated) with grace.
And then it happened. The question I've been dreading, preparing for, anticipating since 2005:
"Mama, why did my Chinese mother not stay with me forever? Did she want to stay with me forever?"
I haven't gotten this precise question, though I've gotten ones uncomfortably close to it. (I would almost rather field explaining Proposition 8 to a 7-year-old, which Katrina had to do last week). There are no easy or genuinely soothing answers, nothing to ward off the sense of hurt and loss that children of adoption feel. We are not magically endowed, as parents or people who have gone through the adoption process, with the ability to answer such questions wisely. All we can offer is honesty, compassion both to the child and her birth parents, and a sense that such questions are not off limits. We can also assure our children — falsely — that their inquiries do not wound us.
Last 5 posts by Ken White
- Department of Justice Uses Search Warrant To Get Data On Visitors to Anti-Trump Site - August 14th, 2017
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- Lawsplainer: Why John Oliver Is Anti-Diversity Now - August 11th, 2017
- Anatomy of a Scam, Chapter 15: The Wheels, They Grind - August 10th, 2017
- We Interrupt This Grand Jury Lawsplainer For A Search Warrant Lawsplainer - August 9th, 2017