Popehat

A Group Complaint about Law, Liberty, and Leisure

Wil Wheaton Is My Hero, And A Modest Proposal Regarding Tasers

by

On his blog, Wil Wheaton describes an encounter with an inconsiderate asshole at a concert at the Hollywood Bowl:

The calls quickly turned from "I'm at the concert and they sound awesome!" to "So, what are you doing this weekend? Oh my god did you see [some stupid gossip thing.]?!"

I paid $60 for my ticket, before the Ticketbastard fees. Surely this woman had spent a similar amount of money. She really wanted to spend the show shouting into her phone?

Two songs later, I couldn't take it any more. I turned around and said, "Would you please try to talk a little more quietly?"

This is when I saw that she was near the bottom of one of these 32 ounce sangrias they sell at the Bowl. Perfect.

"Hold on," she said into her phone. "What?"

"I said, would you please talk a little more quietly? You're really loud."

She rolled her eyes at me. "Whatever, dude."

Something in me snapped. Before I knew it, I said, "Hey! I don't want to listen to your fucking phone calls. I want to listen to the Police."

Good for him for calling the creep out. There's a flood of people in his comments reporting similar behavior. I know I've run into my share of self-centered inconsiderate asshats at movies and similar events. Who raises these people?

You know, Heinlein had the right idea when he said "an armed society is a polite society." I have a modest proposal.

We need to spend more on taser technology and develop one that doesn't give people heart attacks. Once a safe but reliably incapacitating taser is developed, we should all carry one. The tasers will be equipped with digital cameras. Then we need a new rule: the OWTITYOA rule. That stands for "One Warning, Then I Tase Your Obnoxious Ass" Rule. Under this rule, if someone is acting in an inconsiderate manner at an entertainment venue like a movie, concert, or sporting event, anyone can give them one warning. If they don't heed, you can tase them. Now no doubt a few minutes later, when they recover control of their bowels and higher brain functions, the jerkass will complain. But here's the second part of the rule: if a jury of ten movie- or concert-goers agree that the person was acting like a douche based on the digital camera footage, the taser-wielder is immune to criminal or civil liability.

Who's with me?

Last 5 posts by Ken White

Comments

  1. I like it! The video requirement is what would make it work.

    My brothers and I have come up with a similar plan for Aggressive drivers. We thought something like a laser tag system be installed in each car. If you see someone driving like an idiot, you tag them. Once enough people tag a car (we argue between 3 and 5 hits), the ignition dies and can't be restarted without police assistance.

    We're still working on how to beat the griefers…

  2. I see no reason why my next cell phone cannot include a taser. The camera could activate at the same time to record the event for risk management purposes.

    Apple, get on it. The iShock would sell plenty.

  3. Umm. There is absolutely no way this wouldn't end up like Simpson's visit to Dr. Marvin Monroes shock chamber, except on a global scale. This is an incredibly bad idea…

  5. I have one to add.

    Drivers who, during peak hour, enter an intersection despite the line of traffic ahead of them going nowhere. They then end up stuck across the pedestrian part of the intersection and blocking the side traffic when the lights change.

    Any pedestrian who walks around such a car shall be allowed to key it as they pass.