Uwe Boll, who makes awful, awful movies out of computer games, has flown into a simultaneously hilarious and terrifying rage. That's because people are making fun of him because his latest awful movie, Postal, based on a stupid and gratuitous game, is only showing on four screens nationwide.
Uwe has been known for trash talk for a while now. But this has the ring of hysteria.
Full text of the rant after the jump, in case he deletes it.
To all of you writing now about me and the fact that POSTAL is not getting screens.
its okay ..its fun kicking a guy nonstop who is on the ground
you are all not getting it that i'm the guy who made it against the big hollywood system and you are all only busy to destroy me and finish me up
and then you YOU WON WHAT ? the attention of the studios, michael bay .. ?????
if you damage me you feel closer to Hollywood ? what is your game plan?
you want only movies like JUMPER , SPEED RACER , WHAT HAPPENDS IN VEGAS …? then keep going and your dreams will be fullfilled. POSTAL makes some very important points ..but you dont wanna see that …. : that Bush used the SEPTEMBER 11 to start a war against a country what had nothing to do with Bin Laden etc…. but this all doesnt matter because you are all busy to THINK that INDIANA JONES or NARNIA are important movies … but in real they are empty shells of an industry what wants to make money and what wants to keep you looking "escape movies" with nothing in it. in between they are putting some CONTROVERSIAL movies to show that they can do also IMPORTANT movies …but also this movies are not really critical….they only supporting the system and not showing the big picture. and POSTAL shows the BIG PICTURE …it nails the absurd situation with all the stupid religions, races and nations we are living in. POSTAL is not accepting bullshit politics. POSTAL has not the opinion that Bush made mistakes – POSTAL has the opinion that it is a scandal that BUSH is not in jail. What happened in America in the last 7 years is the biggest joke since Columbus stepped on that land.
but instead of seeing the courage i had in doing that movie against everybody who tried to stop me – you are sitting on your desks and you are working on stories about me ….and my image as the worst director on earth…and you fullfill what your editor wants from you in regards of uwe boll …or you fullfill what you think makes you a cooler guy in the internet …and you are not getting it that you are only interested in movies like IRON MAN or HULK or KUNG FU PANDA or the MUMMY 3 because the studios spending 60 mio. $ in advertising to make you interested in NON INTERESTING movies. how many times you wanna keep going in movies only because the TRAILER was so cool and the CGI was so great ?
thanks for reading this
So Postal is being ignored because it is a serious treatment of the Bush Administration's response to 9/11, and is therefore unpalatable to a complicit Hollywood and consumers who only want action trash? Well, let's consider the plot summary to help us decide:
September 11, 2001. Terrorists are about to fly a plane into The World Trade Center when they realize that there can't possibly be enough virgins left in the afterlife, given the recent rash of suicide bombings. After a quick phone call to their leader confirms that they may only get twenty, they decide to call off the attack and fly to The Bahamas. Just then, the cockpit door is kicked open and the passengers struggle to take control of the plane. Veering out of control, it smashes into the Twin Towers – the fiery explosion revealing the film's title card.
Six years later, in Paradise, Arizona…. After being mocked at a job interview, kicked out of his local unemployment office, and discovering that his morbidly obese wife is cheating on him, a volatile young man is mugged by an aggressive panhandler. He kills the man in self-defense and, fleeing the scene of the crime, ends up at his uncle Dave's religious commune. There, he discovers that Dave's "love cult" owes the US government over a million dollars in back-taxes. With his nephew's help, Dave plans on hijacking a shipment of Krotchy Dolls – rare, sought-after plush toys that resemble giant scrotums. The only shipment in America has been delivered to a Nazi theme park called Little Germany, which is owned by controversial filmmaker (and Postal director) Uwe Boll.
While attempting to retrieve the Krotchy Dolls, they meet up with a group of Al-Qaeda terrorists, led by Osama bin Laden (who has been hiding in Arizona, under the watchful eye of his best friend, George W. Bush). The terrorists, hoping to come up with something as big as 9/11 was for them in 2001, wish to procure the dolls for themselves, fill them with Avian flu, and distribute them to American children.
A shootout ensues in the theme park, where hundreds of children are gunned down, Uncle Dave escapes with the Krotchy Dolls, and park owner Boll is shot in the genitals after getting into a fight with Postal game creator Vince Desiderio. Verne Troyer, the park's opening day celebrity guest, is kidnapped by a member of Dave's love cult and shoved into his own luggage.
…and so on.
Uwe, Uwe, Uwe. Maybe political satire just isn't your thing.
Last 5 posts by Ken White
- Department of Justice Uses Search Warrant To Get Data On Visitors to Anti-Trump Site - August 14th, 2017
- America At The End of All Hypotheticals - August 14th, 2017
- Lawsplainer: Why John Oliver Is Anti-Diversity Now - August 11th, 2017
- Anatomy of a Scam, Chapter 15: The Wheels, They Grind - August 10th, 2017
- We Interrupt This Grand Jury Lawsplainer For A Search Warrant Lawsplainer - August 9th, 2017