To Dr. Ole Danbolt Mjøs, and the distinguished members of the Norwegian Nobel Committee, greetings!
I, the abovesigned, hereby nominate for your consideration in awarding the 2008 Nobel Peace Prize … Barbie.
The late Alfred Nobel, in establishing his prize, decreed that it should be awarded
to the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses.
Your past distinguished laureates, such as Le Duc Tho, Henry Kissinger, Yasser Arafat, Rigoberta Menchu, and Willy Brandt, are indeed an awesome fellowship. Yet over a lifetime's work, surely Barbie has done as much to promote fraternity between nations and the abolition of standing armies as any of these.
Who else but Barbie could have brought unity to the people and governments of Iran and Saudi Arabia, two nations which have been at ideological and religious swordpoint for decades? Compare the declarations of brotherhood ringing this week from Tehran:
The irregular importation of [Barbie] toys, which unfortunately arrive through unofficial sources and smuggling, is destructive culturally and a social danger.
with those voiced earlier from Riyadh:
Jewish Barbie Dolls, with their revealing clothes and shameful postures, accessories, and tools are a symbol of decadence to the perverted West. Let us beware of her dangers and be careful.
Indeed, who but Barbie could have brought the disparate tribes of the middle east, macho as they are, into concord with western feminists? Certainly not that flat-chested Skipper.
While Barbie lacks the film directing skills or the political clout of Al Gore, she is at least as well-known around the world, and far better known than past Prize recipients such as Adolfo Perez Esquivel, whoever he was. No, in 2008 surely Barbie stands head, shoulders and breasts above all other peacemakers.
In conclusion, I would like to thank Kraken, from the Popehat forum, for inspiring this nomination.