Hollywood continues to view us as mindless fucking idiots.
Universal Pictures has announced a six-year partnership with Hasbro to produce at least four feature films based on branded properties.
The properties include “Monopoly,” “Candy Land,” “Clue,” “Ouija,” “Battleship,” “Magic, The Gathering” and “Stretch Armstrong.”
I swear this could be an article in The Onion and I wouldn't know it. Old ideas based on old properties? Check. Industry buzzwords combined with feral marketing strategies? Check, check, check:
“This deal gives Universal access to some of the greatest brands in the world,” Shmuger and Linde said in a statement. “Hasbro’s portfolio of products has tremendous emotional resonance with children and adults. They offer an exciting opportunity for us to develop tentpole movies with built-in global brand awareness, which is a key component of our slate strategy.”
Really, where does it end? As the article points out, we've already had a movie based on a TV show that was a vehicle for selling toys. Why not a movie based on Coke? Or Rebok? Or some sort of feminine hygiene product?
The day my kids say "Daddy! Daddy! Can we go see the Candyland movie?" is the day I say "No you cannot — because the people who conceptualized it are soulless vermin. And also because Brad Pitt is totally mis-cast as the Lollypop King."
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