So I hear that today a U.N. panel issued yet another warning about global warning.
You know, you can't turn around without some panel or group or scientist telling you that global warming is real and a problem. But I firmly believe that diversity of input, viewpoint, and background is good.
In that respect, Kentucky's got our back.
Global warming is a myth concocted by former Vice President Al Gore, the United Nations, Hollywood and the news media, Kentucky lawmakers were told yesterday.
By whom, and to whom, you might ask?
The interim joint Agriculture and Natural Resources Committee held a hearing to dispute the idea that the Earth is warming, at least in part because of carbon dioxide and other heat-trapping gases in the atmosphere produced by industrial activity.
It's a good thing for Al Gore that it was just the interim joint committee, because the permanent one really would have schooled his ass.
Now, while this committee may not sway world opinion on the issue of global warming, it has achieved at least one of its aims: it has proved, beyond cavil, the existence of a God who is not only all-loving and all-powerful, but who really wants us to enjoy ourselves. How else can you explain the existence of Democratic state legislator Jim Gooch?
Chairman Jim Gooch, D-Providence, a longtime ally of the coal industry, said he purposefully did not invite anyone who believes in global warming to testify.
"You can only hear that the sky is falling so many times," said Gooch, whose post makes him the House Democrats' chief environmental strategist. "We hear it every day from the news media, from the colleges, from Hollywood."
Neither of Gooch's invited panelists was a scientist.
In some ways it would have been funnier if he had found a scientist to back him up. Not that the posse he brought wasn't entertaining in their own right:
Similarly, Taylor said most scientists don't believe in global warming. Not that warming is bad, he said. Hotter weather means more vegetation and crops and more diversity of wildlife, as in the tropical rain forests, he said. He distributed a report that urged Americans to burn more coal, oil and natural gas so "our children will therefore enjoy an Earth with far more plant and animal life than that with which we now are blessed."
You get the sense that Taylor is a glass-half-full type of guy.
But the panelists couldn't match the Goochster's one-liners:
Several committee members protested that it was unfair to hear only one side of the argument, so Gooch let two environmentalists in the audience talk about global warming — and the need to address it — for about five minutes each. One of them, Andy McDonald, solar energy co-coordinator for Appalachia-Science in the Public Interest, complained that hastily plucking two people for brief rebuttals of a two-hour presentation wasn't fair or balanced.
"It really wasn't my intention to get into so much science today," Gooch replied.
Emphasis added, imperviousness to irony in the original.
Anyway, Gooch seems to think that his own state is kind of a dump. I mean, even if he had wanted to bring a scientist, and risk hearing a lot of Chicken Little stuff, apparently they are nowhere to be found:
"Well, I mean, where are we going to get scientists?" Gooch asked. "We're limited here in Kentucky to what we can do. I don't know how we'd necessarily get scientists to come here."
I believe narrative convention requires you to lure them using attractive women.
Hat tip to John Scalzi on this one.
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