In which someone asked me to write the book for a musical of Flat Stanley.
I pointed out that I'm not really a librettist, but they said that I should do it because they have Chita Rivera and Raul Julia and John Lithgow to play.
I point out that first of all Raul Julia is dead. Second of all, it looks as if they are trying to recreate the cast of "Kiss of the Spider Woman," but they aren't doing it right, because Chita Rivera played the role on stage but Raul Julia played the part in the movie. They should get Sonia Braga instead. Moreover, I think they mean William Hurt instead of John Lithgow. I get them mixed up all the time, but they shouldn't, if they are casting.
Plus, I point out again, I'm more of a persuasive or humor writer than a librettist. Plus, how are you going to stretch "Flat Stanley" into a show that people are going to want to pay $200 a seat for? It's going to be like 20 minutes, tops, with long songs.
Sex! They say.
Look, I know I can be edgy, I say, but I draw the line at sexualization of imaginary 8-year-olds who have been transformed into two-dimensional embodiments of childhood axieties through comic mishaps.
At this point they started arguing with each other and the dream morphed into something else about food.
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