NPR reported this morning that a
This report made me realize that many of the negative events in my life are the responsibility of appliance manufacturers. The fault, Horatio, lies not in ourselves, but in Mr. Coffee. Here are my suspicions, gathered through the cobwebs of my headcold-addled mind after hearing the NPR report:
1. My Viewsonic ‘17 flat-panel monitor is flickering at a rate that turns of the “you need sleep, dumbass” receptors in my brain.
2. The refrigerator hums at a frequency that impairs my nervous system to the point that I cannot help but eat an entire tub of hummous for a snack.
3. My son’s night-light is programmed to emit pulses causing him to wake up and then come wake me up at at least three irregular intervals between midnight at 5 a.m.
4. My wife’s credit cards are coated with a central-nervous-system-degrading contact poison that causes her to forget that I am not the frigging Sultan of Brunei or something.
More as they occur to me.
Last 5 posts by Ken White
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