Via Above the Law, I saw NYU Law School's amazing description of actual behavior by summer associates (law students working for law firms during the summer) that probably cost the associates in question a job offer. NYU calls this "Career Limiting Behavior," which is apt. A few highlights:
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Law Practice
I still have residual respect, affection, and sympathy for federal prosecutors, despite the fact that the U.S. Attorney's Office in Los Angeles is currently run by a Grade-A dickhead and that it's become far more harsh and unreasonable during the Bush Administration. (Cynics would say that my perception is colored by becoming a defense attorney since I left that office.)
One area where I have residual sympathy is when AUSAs are accused of misconduct. I was the subject of a couple of such allegations, both completely frivolous. And I've seen judges make findings of misconduct without justification — including during my time as a defense lawyer. Such motions are, in the hands of some lawyers, tactical weapons, and should be treated with the same sort of skepticism you'd use to evaluate a claim of misconduct made by the government.
As I've said before, my primary advice to clients, prospective clients, and people at cocktail parties is to just. shut. up. This is intended as advice for people facing interactions with law enforcement, but it's actually, in my experience, useful advice in nearly every situation (as Brian's last post below demonstrates).
However, even people who practice criminal law for a living sometime need reminding. Hence this cautionary tale at Western Justice:
….normally, people mitigate their offense and cop to a lesser crime ("Oh, it's not that much marijuana"). This DA was not so smart. He told the officer (obviously not verbatim), "Oh, um, the marijuana? Ha ha . . . . eh . . . it's not mine!!! Yeah, that's it, it's not mine! It's for my wife. She's sick, and I'm bringing it home to her."
The poor fellow just copped to a higher charge–distribution of marijuana, a felony.
Really, just shut up. Oh, why won't you shut up?
We represent a small city. In the past, we've helped them navigate open meeting requirements, conflict of interest laws, and other municipal niceties. Lately we've been helping with the politically turbulent transition as a new Mayor steps up.
The new Mayor wants to show that he is large and in charge. In particular, he wants to be seen as a cost-cutter.
So he has decreed that he will eliminate the consent calendar at the City Council meeting this week.
[rant]In a perfect word, someone would give a shit that a criminal defendant in the County Sheriff's custody is being beaten every Monday on gang orders — badly enough to break ribs. In a perfect world, someone in the Sheriff's Department could be convinced to do something about it, and maybe even do something in a manner that would not increase the risk to the criminal defendant. (The Sheriff's Department is famous for moving people in a fashion suggesting to cellmates that the person being moved is a rat.) In a perfect world the prosecutor on the case might use his or her influence to keep the person being prosecuted from being routinely tenderized. (Actual response: "There's nothing I can do. So, will he take this deal?") In a perfect world, there would be a point to asking the judge to do something.
Hell, I'd settle for the client being willing to let me try to do something, rather than engaging in the macho "let it be" bullshit.[/rant]
Or, more accurately, your gender.
When you send me a resume, if your name is gender neutral, or if it is from another culture and its gender association is not familiar to hopelessly insular white guys like me, and if you have not had the courtesy to major in Womyn's Studies or play college football to clue me in, kindly throw me a hint, would you? It's not so that I can exclude you based on your gender. That's what interviews are for.* It's so I don't go into a lengthy paroxysm of social insecurity and self-doubt when I try to send you an email asking for a writing sample. Mr.? Ms.? It would be hideous to choose the wrong one. Gaaaaah. I might just send the offer to Betty Sue or Reginald instead. And yet Betty Sue and Reginald might suck, compared to you.
*Our Title VII expert insists that I specify this is a joke. He's standing right behind me now, trembling.
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The topic dominating an informal pizza lunch in the conference room today:
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Say you send a resume to a firm that has placed an advertisement for associates on your law school's alumni network.
Say within a day you get an email from a name partner at the firm thanking your for your application and asking for, among other things, a writing sample.
You may want to consider whether it is appropriate to (1) employ capitalization in your response and (2) if possible? avoid? odd and post-Valley-Girl punctuation? If you know that I mean?
I am aware that this post marks me as (1) The Man, (2) grumpy, (3) old, and (4) hopelessly out of step with e-culture, under which within a few decades appellate briefs will be submitted to the highest courts in the land under subject headings like OMGHI2U!
Courtesy of the Metropolitan News-Enterprise, I give yousome of the candidates for Superior Court Judge in Los Angeles. First, their endorsement, and a hint of their regard for the other candidates:
Deputy District Attorney Jared Moses is “very well qualified and credentialed” for the post of Los Angeles Superior Court judge.
Those words come from the only one of his three rivals in the contest whose candidacy can be taken at all seriously, attorney Pattricia Vienna.We agree with her assessment of Moses.
"Hooray! The paper implied my candidacy can be taken at least somewhat seriously!"
The scene: A Los Angeles County Superior Court courtroom.
The players: Your humble correspondent. The judge, a humorless and suspicious sort. Opposing lawyer, who has a nasty reputation for trickery, and specifically for taking advantage of opposing counsel's scheduling conflicts, vacations, illnesses, etc. Opposing client, who hates me and my client.
The ABA White Collar Committee experience: visit exotic places, meet interesting people, and throw up on them.
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Having both sent and received communications with the phrase "please be informed," I've come to the conclusion that it is never followed by good cheer, at least in my industry. You never get "please be informed that my client has agreed to your settlement demand" or "please be informed that we will be dropping the money laundering charges against your client." I've used it three times in the last year to tell people that their demands to my clients violated state and federal extortion laws. Is it easier to unload unpleasant sentiments in detached-sounding terms? Or is it that the awkward grammar twists the knife a little? Further study is warranted.
Also, in 2008 I have now twice encountered a phrase that is fast becoming a most-hated — "conduct yourself accordingly," in both instances at the end of a threatening letter. I did conduct myself accordingly, in that I spent about 50% more time making the response letter that much more vicious.
We've mentioned Jack Thompson in these pages before; he's a serially unhinged "attorney" whose crusade for the past decade has been the evils of videogames. (Previous bizarre obsessions included Janet Reno's sexual preference and rap music.)
Jack's been in a bit of trouble of late. Most recently, as Game Politics reported, the Florida Supreme Court issued an Order to Show Cause why he should not be sanctioned for frivolous filings. Sanctions could include such vexatious litigant measures as a limit on filing. Today, Game Politics speculates convincingly about what might have been the last straw for the Florida supremes — a bizarre filing that Game Politics has hosted here. In it, Thompson berates the court in a pleading including rebuses. No. Really.
This, of course, is not the first time Jack Thompson has gotten into trouble over visual aides in filings; previously he's included gay porn. (Link is safe.)
It is possible that video games made him this way. I'm just not sure which ones.
We got a resume this week from someone seeking a summer associate position. Along with his resume and a cover letter, he sent a six-inch purple plastic ruler. The ruler, which looks like something that a second-grader might keep in one of the pockets of his Trapper Keeper, is stamped with his name and the slogan "See how I measure up at [web site]." I was relieved to discover this was only his personal web site and that he had not paid some marketing service to do this.
There is such a thing as too much effort.
….is the one who just sent me an email about his case in which he (1) referenced the Borg and (2) pointed out that the name of his opponent is a Gaelic word for boiled ox penis.
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Jun 4, 2008 
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