An update about the True Authorship of the Pirate Resignation Letter– now with 100% more Angus scrotum:

Back in April, in the comment thread of a post about our recondite plans for global dominion, a Popehat visitor using the nick "Will Nobilis" seemed to claim authorship of the well-known Pirate Resignation Letter. In one comment, Will Nobilis wrote,

"…a random web search led me to find out Ken and Patrick (and someone named Mike) wrote about my pirate resignation letter…."

This claim surprised me, so I poked around for other posts by Will Nobilis, and, behold!, appended to Ken's variant of "The Nymph's Reply" there was the following humblebrag from 2011:

"I am glad to see it has made it to a site I frequently enjoy reading and I hope it brought you as much amusement as it did for me to write it and send it to my bosses back then."

In Will's claim I detected a whiff of Alvarez. So I asked him to clarify. I haven't bothered to grep the logs for a visit from him to that page since then, but we haven't noticed his nick or IP since. Whatevs….

This little episode is what prompted my recent post on The Origin of the Pirate Resignation Letter. A few years ago, by the usual means, I had traced the PRL back as far as the early aughties–specifically, to the third of May 18082001–and had come up with a tentative attribution: "As far as I've been able to tell through clever googling in my favorite search engine, the renowned and much beloved Pirate Resignation Letter was written by Chris Castle…." This Castle chap had posted in a forum, now defunct, under the nick "The Bartender" and had stated that

"In the interest of disclosure I should note …[that t]he entirety of the letter was not drafted by solely myself[.] I prefer to think of myself as the 'Producer' of the document".

As if summoned by low-tier conjuration, a Popehat commenter named "The Bartender" bearing email and IP affinity to Castle turned up to comment on the thread (without disclaiming credit): "Thank you for finding this!…" In neither case did the drinkslinger cited a source.

Anyhow, I don't mean to get exercised, but the pilates thickens: there's new evidence that may set the record straight. For comes now a future reader of Popehat, the humble, scoundrel-hatin' Rob G——-, who intimates that all the preceding claimants, real or imagined, are right bastards, and who adduces credible evidence to support his own authorship. He confirms that he was not posting as "Will Nobilis" and that he ain't "The Bartender". By email, RG explains:

A friend of mine sent me a link to a recent post you guys made about the supposed "original" author of the pirate resignation letter.  (To wit: http://www.popehat.com/2013/04/24/origin-of-the-pirate-resignation-letter/)  She suggested I send you a note and square the issue – because I indeed wrote the pirate resignation letter in the winter of 2000.

I've been gratified for over a decade that it's been re-posted and reused more than a few times, but I don't believe I've ever before seen someone attempt to claim authorship, until now.  As such, I direct your attention to the following link on the Internet Wayback Machine:

http://web.archive.org/web/20010408002129/http://www.i-resign.com/uk/letters/ViewLetter.asp?ResignationID=91

As a bit of background, I was a miserable IT guy at Merrill Lynch back in the 1990's, and during the waning moments of my career I took to writing resignation letters as a bit of a hobby.  Two of the ones I wrote I later forwarded on to i-resign.com, and the pirate letter was the one I actually did use as my resignation letter from Merrill in December of 2000.  The "Chris" mentioned in the letter was my boss at the time, a guy named Chris O——-, and the word "porcine" was actually "bovine" in the original letter.  (When you work for a company with a large, scrotum-displaying bull as its logo, it's obvious to see the reasons for my use of the term.)  The eventual recipient of my actual resignation letter was a gentleman named John F——-, who had, at time of receipt, long been convinced of my eccentric incompatibility with Merrill.

Someone sent me a link years ago to a reply I suppose you guys did – it was droll and appreciated.  I don't really want any notoriety or "credit," but I wanted to set the record straight – I don't like liars.

Best,

Rob G——-

As far as I've been able to tell through clever googling in my favorite search engine, the renowned and much beloved Pirate Resignation Letter was written by Chris Castle and delivered to James Bear (deceased), former managing partner of Knobbe, Martens, Olson & Bear, LLP.

After using the letter, Castle shared it with his friend, user "Otter Von Pop" of the (now defunct) BirdSunEye.com forum, and that user posted it on 17 October 2003 both as a forum post and as a Word doc attachment.

Later that morning, Chris Castle, posting as "The Bartender" confirmed the story and reported on the (first ever!) recipient's humorless (or brilliantly funny!) reply.

Harvested from the past and hosted right here on Popehat is that original forum thread:

Original Pirate Resignation Letter Thread

Enjoy this bit of net.history! And if you have anything to add about the people or circumstances, please share what you know in the comments.

UPDATE: There's a new pretender to the helm!

Marian Call has gone post-apocalyptic:

What makes a volcano explode?

How did the dinosaurs die?

How do magnets work?

These and much more are the burning questions of our time.  Fake Science has answers.

Stephen Hawking thinks that it's a bad idea to contact alien civilizations:

Earth had better watch out, at least according to Stephen Hawking. He has suggested that extraterrestrials are almost certain to exist — but that instead of seeking them out, humanity should be doing all it that can to avoid any contact. …

He suggests that aliens might simply raid Earth for its resources and then move on: “We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn’t want to meet. I imagine they might exist in massive ships, having used up all the resources from their home planet. Such advanced aliens would perhaps become nomads, looking to conquer and colonise whatever planets they can reach.”

He concludes that trying to make contact with alien races is “a little too risky”. He said: “If aliens ever visit us, I think the outcome would be much as when Christopher Columbus first landed in America, which didn’t turn out very well for the Native Americans.”

While I agree that any aliens reaching the stars are likely to be similar to humans or worse, meaning chauvinistic and rapacious but more technologically advanced, the problem is that we've been contacting alien civilizations since the 1920s through commercial radio, which bleeds off into space.  The signals from Mexican border radio stations of the 1950s, designed to be heard loud and clear in Chicago and New York, are already introducing aliens to Buddy Holly and Little Richard, and will continue to do so forever.

And aliens can't dance.  "Bob" help us all.

I was not able to attend this weekend's Wondercon, but a friend took this picture that I think sums the event up nicely.

It can't be wasting time if it feels good to do it, right?

Obey the Game is the latest flash game effort from thoughtful author John (previous interesting efforts include: Achievement Unlocked and This is the Only Level).  The other games I mentioned offered some interesting if shallow looks at certain kinds of game mechanics.  Obey the Game is cleverer and more fun to boot.  The game places you in a series of challenges, each needing to be beaten before a short timer expires.  The goal is displayed in the center of the screen (e.g. "use the stairs" on a level with several spiked platforms and, yes, a stair case).  Follow the instructions and you advance to the next level.  Consecutive wins will net extra lives.  Some of the challenges are arcadish and they get harder as you go.  Simple right?  Well, the game (randomly?  I don't know) will sometimes tell you to "disobey", which means doing the opposite.  Don't take the stairs (dying is appropriate here!).  Don't collect the coins.  Stay alive (on the suicide level, natch). The only thing that costs a life is failing to obey (or, if the game so orders it, disobey) the goal.  The challenge escalates quickly often meaning a split second decision wins or loses the level.  The game is surprisingly fun.

Secondly, we have Elona Shooter .  A castle defense game based on the fascinating rogue like of the same name.  It features different classes, leveling and skill gain, lots of structures to build up in town which do different things, loot collecting.  It's difficult but pretty fun.  Hunter and Rogue are the suggested starting classes (both get an immediate helper you'll want to replace ASAP.  The hunter gets a bow gun, they rule.  The rogue is a money making machine).  You can earn achievements to help you on the current and subsequent play-throughs (if you're a masochist; I am).

Jeff Vogel has his second in a two part blog post detailing some of the cost and sales numbers for Spider Web's games (part the first). It's pretty fascinating even though he doesn't hand out every last detail. It also shows how leveraging online distribution allows a game maker to benefit from the long tail. Geneforge 4, the game detailed, is not yet profitable but is on the cusp. And is a sure thing to be a long-term money earner even if it's not spectacular by indie standards (which are irrelevant by the money-hat-making standards of someone like Blizzard or even the money-bracelet-making standards of Valve).  It costs Spiderweb software nothing to offer Geneforge 4 alongside all of its other games.  Here's hoping it sells at a steady rate from now until the stage 4 zombie outbreak Popehat has predicted for 2016, and that he and his are able to weather those trying times and begin making games anew as the remnants of society begin to pick up the pieces (we will need diversions to help ease the burden of the horrors that we came through, of course).

Continue Reading »

Geeksite extraordinaire Topless Robot ran a contest to identify the stupidest lack of sensible and obvious technology displayed in Sci-Fi. And of course the lack of seat belts in Star Trek wins.

And what about Worf? He doesn't even get a chair. There he is, at the back of the proverbial bus, and there's no chair. So he's on his feet pretty much 24/7 staring at the back of Picard's chrome dome, while there's a tireless android up front, sitting in a chair. Is it because he black/Klingon?

I actually sort of preferred some of the other entries. For instance:

Why no USB ports in Robocop? Imagined dialogue:

Q: How should this robot cop we invented interface with other computers?
A: A sharp 10 inch spike.
Q: Do PCs even have a port for a 10 inch spike?
A: PCs? umn hello it's 1987, we don't have high tech shit like PCs… err well we do but…but… Our MAINFRAMES have always had 10 inch spike ports.

Amongst the Cheeto-stained sweat-panted ranks of hardcore MMORPG enthusiasts today, there is concern about the state of the economy and the job market. No, not the market for Greater Astral Essence at the Ironforge Auction House. The actual, meat-world economy. Specifically, can you be a hardcore MMORPG gamer, a reliable guildie, a go-to raid partner, and still get a job, pretending for the moment that you ever actually intended to in more than a theoretical sense?

A poorly-sourced rumor has some irrationally worried that the answer is no.

Forum poster Tale over on the f13 forums relates an experience with a recruiter in the online media industry, who reacted negatively to his conversational admission that he had spent too much time playing MMORPG games.

He replied that employers specifically instruct him not to send them World of Warcraft players. He said there is a belief that WoW players cannot give 100% because their focus is elsewhere, their sleeping patterns are often not great, etc. I mentioned that some people have written about MMOG leadership experience as a career positive or a way to learn project management skills, and he shook his head. He has been specifically asked to avoid WoW players.

Anecdote aside, I doubt the employers and recruiters have put out the word "no Blood Elves need apply." Do hardcore MMORPG folks suffer from sleep deprivation, impaired judgment, and dramatically divided priorities? Yes. But so does a much larger group in the employee pool. We're called parents. And our seven-year-old woke us up before six practicing the piano in his underwear, and our two-year-old woke up supernaturally grouchy and kicked us in the nads while we were taking her out of the car at day care. Some dude who stayed up until three in the morning leveling his mage is still in better shape than us to greet the day.

The anecdote does, however, illuminate a job-hunting risk for MMORPGers. If one is so immersed in MMORP culture — and so divorced from the way the rest of us talk to each other — that one thinks that it's a good idea to talk enthusiastically during interviews about "what this computer game taught me about management," then one had better not be applying anywhere else other than a hardcore gaming company.

Hat tip.

Blogging from the new iPhone. Shiny.

Geek Nirvana: Robot Chicken's recently released second Star Wars parody is available online. Best moments (other than the titular one): Anakin's happy place, and Vader reenacting Alderaan with a muffin.

Big news for George R.R. Martin – Song of Ice and Fire – Game of Thrones fans, of which I am one. As we wrote about here, HBO has been toying with producing a series based on Martin's Song of Ice and Fire books, starting with A Game of Thrones. But it's all been hypothetical, possible, in-development stuff.

Until now. Martin now reports that HBO has given the order to film the pilot episode of A Game of Thrones.

This is tremendously cool for Martin fans like me. HBO is the one network that I'd trust to do the book some justice.

I think it's about time to warm up a new post about suggested casting and how the series will, by necessity, be different than the book. I expect a lot of fanboi rage about every deviation from the books — as if a TV series and a book were the same art form.

More on the story:

Topless Robot
Hollywood Reporter

Via Geek Dad, a Star Wars themed wedding that I prefer to think was fake, but may not have been. Full pics here.

I declare the alternate-title-to-this-post contest open.

So Richard Garriot, aka Lord British, creator and developer of the seminal Ultima series of crpgs (developing vast gamer goodwill in Ultimas I through VII and squandering it in VIII and IX) is going into space. This time, he doesn't need to type a three digit coordinate to find Planet X. Instead, he'll use some of his gamer-garnered wealth to become the sixth private citizen in space. Iolo and Shamino don't get to come.

Follow the link for Tom Chick's excellent interview. I did not know that Garriot's father is an astronaut — that's cool.