It's time for the Road to Popehat, the feature in which we throw open Woopra's search logs, see what inquiries brought you here, and suddenly grasp why those "stranded Nigerian prince" emails are economically viable.

Today we'll be answering your questions. It's just a little service, from us to you.

can you be liable for downloading porn from Megaupload: There is one seriously nervous 14-year-old.

Why is it alright for Australians to insult Americans: Well, while it is true that convicted felons surrender many constitutional rights, they still retain certain rudimentary privileges.

is a police allow to record you on the phone: little known fact: due to overuse of allergy medication, that is verbatim how Justice Stewart defined the issue presented in Katz v. United States.

what breed of dog for shooting: Your local police department will tell you that any breed whatsover is suitable.

What the fuck is citizens united: The internet: alive with the spirit of inquiry.

could matt damon sue the makers of team america: No. No, because frankly though God loves me he doesn't love me THAT much.

what does the average small businessman look like: Tired. Very, very tired.

is it safe to go to St. Thomas law school: Sure. I mean, if there's a hostage situation, and they are besieged by a toddler with a sharp stick, they'll sacrifice you in a heartbeat, but otherwise, sure.

can cops legally tell u to shut up: No. But once you make "threatening moves" and "obstruct police offices" and appear to be holding a "dangerous weapon" they can generally get away with tasing or shooting you. So. Just so you know.

why fat people being offended? I'm just a little sensitive, ok? Is that so wrong? Wow. People on the internet have no fucking manners.

I'm kind of busy today. So it's reruns. Sorry!

If you're in a funny mood, you might enjoy my series about conversations with my kids.

If you're angry, or in a mood to get angry, you might want to look at Patrick's 2008 post about how the government killed Francisco Castaneda.

If you are in a Scooby-Doo let's-investigate mood, check out our Anatomy of a Scam Investigation series.

If you actually want to learn something and be entertained at the same time, you can't go wrong reading anything David has ever written about art, especially this epic series of posts.

I had great plans to write big posts today. But I'm busy, and tired, and I can't choose a target.

So: I think I'll take a few days off and post again Tuesday. Meanwhile, how about some suggestions for a topic? Note: The metallurgical qualities of my nads are not an acceptable topic, thank you.

I owe a Righthaven update, which I will do no matter what. But what do you want to see first?

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I'm unreasonably chuffed to see that Popehat has made the ABA Journal's Blawg 100. I'm mostly pleased because it puts us in such excellent company. Thanks to Nathaniel Burney at The Criminal Lawyer, who nominated us (possibly as a prank, or as performance art) and had some kind words.

If you're visiting us for the first time through the ABA Journal, you'll find us to be a rather odd lot. We do blog about law — when it moves us. But we're just as likely to blog about politics or art or geek culture.

If you are interested in the intersection of law and the security state, you might enjoy our posts on the TSA or the War on Drugs. If First Amendment issues are more to your taste, consider our posts about SLAPP suits. If law culture is your think, check out posts on lawyers behaving badly or on bad legal marketing. But whether law fascinates you or bores you, don't miss David when he's talking about art, or Patrick when he's in a satirical or social-commentary mood.

Welcome. Don't mind us; we're always like this.

And make sure to check out the rest of the Blawg 100: we are not worthy to be in such company.

I'm trying to figure out how to help two people facing SLAPP suits — one in Maine, one in Maryland. Both have contacted me, directly or indirectly, based on things we've written here.

In a super-awesome world, I'd connect them with experienced litigators with First Amendment experience admitted in those states willing to help them pro bono (neither has money).

In a still pretty awesome world, I'd find litigators admitted in those states who could act as local counsel while I do the work.

In a reasonably awesome world, I'd get references to people who might help.

FOR GREAT JUSTICE! Any help is much appreciated and contributes to fighting SLAPP suits nationwide.

Shoot me an email at ken at popehat dot com.

As an experiment, we are closing comments on posts older than 60 days. We'll see whether this slows the flood of comment spam, which is close to 2,000 items per day at this point, rendering it prohibitively time-consuming to determine whether one of you has left a wry and insightful comment incorporating more than one link or the term "v1@gr@."

Whine about it below. For 60 days, at least.

This saturday, from 2-5pm United States eastern time, I will return to the radio station I blogged about earlier for a short, free-form radio show.  Readers interested becoming listeners, in hearing my Lord Humungusesque voice, or simply a collection of rather unusual music strung together with a logic unique to me, are encouraged to listen live at 89.3 fm (if you live in a the Research Triangle area of North Carolina) or online by clicking here.

As mentioned in the earlier post, I will take requests, either by telephone (I announce the number frequently during the show), or here in comments.  For instance, a song from Marian Call's new album will be played in the opening minutes of the show.  As a bonus, I won't be as technically inept as I was last time (when I hadn't played DJ for almost ten years), because I've done five shows in the past two months. Radio DJ'ing is not like riding a bike: you do forget, but I've knocked off the rust.

Request rules, since I wasn't clear enough about them the first time:

Continue Reading »

Which of these quotations more nearly defines your world-view?

"You don't have to live like a refugee."

— Tom Petty

or

"Do not call up that which you cannot put down."

— Howard Phillips Lovecraft.

Please provide your opinion and discuss below.  All responses will be kept in confidence.  You are free to use a pseudonym.

Your response may well advance the cause of science.

If anyone practices civil litigation in Maryland, and is generally familiar with state court discovery practices there (particularly as they relate to privacy and freedom of expression issues), and would be willing to chat with me for a few minutes, I would appreciate it if you would drop me a line at ken AT popehat dot com. I'm trying to give some pro bono guidance to a blogger (no one here) threatened by SLAPPishness, and would benefit from the chat. The cause is just, the foe vile, the glory . . . well, no glory. Other than a thank you.

Thanks,

Ken

We'd like to welcome Clark to the proud roster of Popehat contributors.  As is tradition, Clark will blog here using his first name only, as we like to keep the rubes guessing.

Clark is a first at Popehat:  rather than an attorney, Clark is an expert witness one of us has encountered through litigation.  A forensic dental pathologist.  Clark teaches, from a university town in the midwest, the art of establishing the time of death of badly decayed corpses through study of the deterioration of teeth.  Through his testimony, Clark has saved more than one man from the death penalty by proving that the State's version of a murder was impossible, because the victim died years before, or after, the time the state alleges.

Clark will be blogging here regularly, on the topics of forensic crime investigation and dental hygiene.  Please welcome him.

It's time for the Road to Popehat, the periodic feature in which we check out the traffic logs, determine what searches brought you here, and wonder whether an airburst-generated EMP pulse would really be such an awful thing.

This time, we're giving the people what they want. Specifically, lots of people come to Popehat looking for love. Why not? It's a place where people with similar interests and values congregate. Who are we to judge, or stand in the way? Let's see if we can offer some sage advice to people based on the search queries they used to get here, and even get some of these lonely seekers together.

nerd problems: I know, right? It's tough out there if you're not mainstream. But don't worry. There's someone out there that shares your interests. What kind of person are you looking for?

man who thinks he's a vampire in Massachusetts: Great! You've got a "type." Now, you want a strategy for your date. What are you guys going to talk about?

vampire political views: Uh, you know, politics can be dicey on a first date — but it's good you're looking for any sensitive subjects or hot-button issues. Are there any topics you feel very strongly abuot that you may want to avoid?

hot dogs kill children: Yeah — I think we'll leave that for the second or third date. Let's keep it light. Now. How do you envision this date ending?

going down on a man who isn't circumcised: Whoah whoah whoah! Slow down there! Let's set reasonable expectations! Take it slow.

brotherly kisses Much better. Look, I think you're ready. Now, you crazy kids go have fun. And be sure to come back and tell us how it went.

how to sue through the internet: Uh-oh.

Compared to traffic at other sites, Popehat remains a big-tiny blog, or small-little blog at most. But yesterday, thanks to the traffic on the TSA post from earlier in the week, was unusually big. What does that look like?

Visitors: 16,634
Visits: 18,732
Pageviews: 27,408

Visitor countries: more than 100 (with the United States, Canada, the U.K, Germany, and Australia in the lead)
Visitor browsers: Chrome in the lead, followed by Firefox 6, Firefox 3 (seriously?), and IE.
Visitor languages: 26, with English first, followed by "unknown" and French.
Visitor platforms: 34, with Windows 7, Windows XP, and Mac in the lead.
Visitor "organizations" (which sometimes captures your ISP, and sometimes your actual employer): hundreds, with Comcast in a clear lead. Lots of universities, law firms, and government, including the Social Security Administration and Department of Homeland Security (hi, guys!).

Referrers: Top sites were our friends at The Agitator, View from the Porch, Says Uncle, and Overlawyered. Unusually high volume from social networking sites and bookmark sites, particularly Reddit. Top Google search, by a country mile: Thedala Magee. How many read it on feed readers without clicking through? For that matter, how do I find a reliable count of feed subscribers? No idea.

Number of personal insults, lawsuit threads, or fully deranged statements: oddly, none. What's up with that?

The answer to your Google question is yes.

Thanks for asking.

Cheers,

Ken

Readers interested in becoming listeners of Popehat will have that opportunity this Friday, August 5, from six to nine pm eastern time.

Of course the show won't actually have anything to do with law, cops shooting dogs, science fiction or any of the other matters we cover on this blog.  It will be almost entirely musical, at WXYC, 89.3 fm in central North Carolina, a radio station where I used to be on staff and am returning to handle a substitute show for another disc jockey.  Or, for those who live outside my charmed portion of the world, you can listen through the web.

The station's format is self-described as "popular music of the 20th and 21st centuries".  In practice, this means that I can play anything I want to play so long as it complies with FCC standards on profanity.  I'll be adhering to my usual policy on requests, meaning that if you have a request, and I feel like playing it, I will play it.

Until then.

If you like our Road to Popehat feature, then you'll like today's Waste Your Friday Afternoon Entry: Search of the Day, a site devoted to collecting bizarre and hilarious searches queries from some database somewhere.

My favorites so far are "why is my canadian not pooping" and "I want to have sex with my dog but she growls," both of which are stories unto themselves.