Jul 27, 2010
Hey guys! Remember two years ago? Man that was such a crazy time. A lot has happened since then. Obama crushed McCain in the general election, the GOP decided to react like themselves, and angels descended upon us and we entered into the Fourth Age. And then more STUFF began to happen. And I know what the big question is: Derrick, why didn't you write anything about all this garbage? Well, it didn't help that Games Workshop decided to be a big dick to their customers… again. It just didn't feel right using Dawn of War 2 for anything, my game of choice. But that all became irrelevant once a… better option appeared. Let's do this.
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Feb 3, 2010
Man invents $7,000 sex robot.
The picture really makes the article. Tell me you aren't surprised a dude like that would've either A) killed his parents because they wouldn't let him raid in WoW anymore or B) use his advanced AI program to design a robot that you can hump.
I think we found the man to pull us through these tough economic times.
Dec 17, 2008
OKC Thunder's record in the NBA as of last night: 2-24
OKC Thunder's TV ratings? Worse than Seattle's.
Chesapeake Energy's stock price? 16 bucks.
Yes, HELL yes.
Oct 15, 2008
John McCain is a whiny bitch.
Oct 2, 2008
You know I can't set up a drinking game without keeping track of everything right?
PREPARE FOR INSIPID COMMENTARY.
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Oct 1, 2008
Everyone and their mom are doing presidential debate drinking games now. But you all better remember the assholes who did it first. THESE ASSHOLES. Specifically, THIS ONE. Most of those OTHER drinking games are merely articles proving that the author is witty; they aren't real drinking games. "OH TAKE A SIP WHENEVER JOHN MCCAIN ROLLS HIS EYES. HAR HAR HAR". I'll admit the games I devise can get a little verbose, but they're relatively easy to follow and they'll get you smashed.
So we have Joe Biden vs. Sarah Palin. From all accounts this looks like Tyson vs. McNeeley. But hey, Sarah Palin has been in that weird debate camp for more than a week, so who knows. Maybe she's mastered every single complex domestic and foreign policy issue since then. I think the real challenge will be for Joe Biden to avoid looking like a gigantic douche. Here's a tip, Senator Biden. Watch the Gore/Bush debate. The first one. Over and over and over.
Onto the drinkin'. As usual, feel free to propose changes (I'm trying to cut down on the number of rules, so I've reduced the "candidate-specific" portions to just a few generalities) and my fellow writers here are free to edit as they see fit.
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Sep 26, 2008
Well well, so he DID show up after all. Once again, full disclosure, I am an Obama supporter who has donated to his campaign. I am… or rather WAS… a pretty big admirer of McCain's Luke Skywalker campaign in 2000 right before Rove crushed any sense of idealism I had, leaving only an empty husk of bitter cynicism. Okay, it's Friday night… so what else to do except watch the FIRST MOTHERFUCKIN' PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE?! I just came back from Mexico, so no live-blogging for this one. But, as is tradition, I have crafted a drinking game, just for you assholes. The last one (for Obama-Clinton) was way too elaborate. So I'll just stick to some basics. As usual, I invite my fellow bloggers to freely edit the rules as they see fit, and make comments regarding the actual debate, in the uh, comment below.
See the jump for the rules, now it's time to ditch you losers and play some Warhammer Online! Remember, swearing is required, real talk about the issues is discouraged, and keep it orky.
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Sep 14, 2008
From CNN's top of the page blurb:
Lehman Brothers intends to file a petition under Chapter 11 of the U.S. Bankruptcy Code
Sep 4, 2008
I've noticed that the GOP has gone, to use a technical term, completely go-nuts apeshit over Sarah Palin. It's weird. And since this Friday, I've been trying to figure out why I felt that way. And I think I've figured it out.
Do you guys remember Senior Prom? There was always one guy who didn't get his first choice, or 2nd, or third. Anyway, he ended up going to the Senior Prom with a Sophmore or something. And he tries to play if off like she was his first choice, and goes ALL OUT to convince EVERYONE of this. She gets a corsage the size of her head. The limo is extra long. The guy dances a little too close, a little too grope-y. You know what I'm sayin'? And in doing so, he only further emphasizes the fact that she very clearly was not the first choice.
Aug 20, 2008
I've been resisting the siren call of Red Alert 3 for some time. I was never that much of a fan of the CnC franchise to begin with anyway (I'm from the Starcraft camp). So when my internet buddies get all geeked out over this and that, I get excited… but I don't get EXCITED. Even when they announced a Japanese faction, I still felt I could resist despite my fetish for all things azn.
Then those assholes at EA release this. DAMN IT.
Aug 12, 2008
Above is the little girl who sang during the Chinese Olympic ceremonies. Very cute. Next to her is the girl who actually fucking sang. She got cut from the ceremony because she didn't fit Official Chinese Little Girl Cuteness Standards. It's really no surprise, given China's psychotic obsession with a perfect Olympics, but it's nice to see that other countries can be rancid assholes about physical appearance too.
China: We can bring the stupid just as hard as the US.
Aug 11, 2008
Mark Penn's brilliant strategy to defeat Obama: HE AIN'T 'MERCAN!
"It also exposes a very strong weakness for him — his roots to basic American values and culture are at best limited. I cannot imagine America electing a president during a time of war who is not at his center fundamentally American in his thinking and in his values," Penn wrote, according to the article by Joshua Green.
Wow. How the hell did THAT not get him fired? Oh right, incompetence.
Aug 7, 2008
I just spent 15 minutes trying to come up with a snappy headline. But seriously, how I can beat the one Time used? I found a decent headline to use! Straight and to the point, so I jacked it. THE ARTICLE, I JACKED THE ARTICLE. Money quote.
The reason, officials at the French Institute for Research Into Use of the Sea (Iframer) say, is Oyster Herpes Virus type 1 (OsHV-1). That virus, has proliferated along France's Atlantic coast due to a mild winter and abundant rains that allowed ocean water to remain warm, scientists believe. Those same conditions have also created an abundance of plankton — a cornucopia of nutrition that the shellfish have gorged on.
Fully fed and assured of more food whenever they wanted it, the youthful oysters turned their energies and attention to their sexual organs, leaving the rest of their system vulnerable to herpes infection.
The French supply of oysters has been nearly wiped out. Because of herpes.