They Shoot Ponies, Don't They?

Effluvia

Logging into the Facebook account, I spy a private message.

Hello,

We think that the readers of your blog would be interested in our site. We have developed and launched the first completely Free Auction site with all the functionality of the "Other Big Auction Sites". With one big difference, our site is 100% Free! Our mission statement sums it up pretty nicely.

"Our mission is to promote Legal Firearm Ownership, Strengthen the 2nd Amendment and promote Outdoor Recreation via a FREE Marketplace."

If you have questions, please drop me a line or give me a call. Thank you for your time and have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Regards,

Edward Eddins
Tactical Auction LLC.
Founder & CEO

Contact information and website link removed.

Could this be the solution to all our problems?

Mr. Eddins, we certainly believe in Second Amendment freedom, and our readers do as well. Are you proposing a sidebar link to the tactical auction page, or would you like to write a guest post about the bargains and benefits to be found in a free market for guns and tactical equipment?

I ask because a number of big game hunters frequent our site. We ourselves hunt. I have a particular problem with wild ponies in my area. The ponies break through my fence, run over my property, and … well, you'd shudder if I said what they do next. It's horrible.

What rifle would you recommend for a man who needs to kill a number of ponies, and kill them quickly? A prompt reply would be greatly appreciated.

Patrick

My savior!

Hello Patrick,

I was hoping for just a general introduction to your readers. Our site is like Gunbroker with one Big Difference. Its totally Free.

As for your Pony problem, I have only been to 2 places in the us where there was free range wild horses. In both places they were illegal to kill and protected.

As for killing a pony, any caliber of 270 and above with a good TSX round will do the job.

Take Care

This man may be useful.

Mr. Eddin, thank you for the advice about proper calibers and ammunitions.

As for the ponies, I am afraid they follow no law except their own – the law of the jungle. The savage, stinking jungle of the ponies! I must take the law into my own hands, if I am to survive.

Mark my words: The ponies must die, or I will die in the attempt.

Best wishes for the upcoming holidays,

Patrick

Pony of Death

Last 5 posts by Patrick Non-White

23 Comments

23 Comments

  1. JonasB  •  Nov 27, 2013 @8:15 am

    I have a book documenting a man's exchanges with Nigerian scammers. He does something similar to Ken, except its about midgets instead of ponies.

  2. Observer  •  Nov 27, 2013 @8:28 am

    Really, I would have suggested an AR-10 in .308, rather than just "any caliber of 270 and above with a good TSX round". He's right that it will "get the job done", but one of the criteria was to do it quickly. Most .270 guns are bolt action, with rather limited magazines. An AR-10 is semi-auto and usually uses a 20-round magazine. That significantly increases the speed at which you can deal with the ponies.

    At least he seemed to earnestly be trying to be helpful!

  3. dfbaskwill  •  Nov 27, 2013 @8:34 am

    I'm hoping this applies to Unicorns also. They seem to be everywhere now. And quite relentless in their destruction of our country. They are a lot like ponies, only worser.

  4. Scott  •  Nov 27, 2013 @8:35 am

    But… what does this new auction site cost? They were a bit ambiguous on that front.

  5. OrderoftheQuaff  •  Nov 27, 2013 @8:40 am

    Did you know that in North Bend, Oregon (just north of Coos Bay), the name of the mall is "Pony Village"?

  6. Shane  •  Nov 27, 2013 @8:51 am

    But, but, but Patrick what if the ponies are wearing disguises? What caliber will possibly be able to penetrate that?

    This could be a serious disaster!

  7. Luke  •  Nov 27, 2013 @8:51 am

    I particularly like the pony pic that someone sent to Popehat on twitter the other day: http://imgur.com/YHAmbvE

    I'm not sure "any caliber of 270 and above with a good TSX round" would be enough to handle those.

  8. En Passant  •  Nov 27, 2013 @9:42 am

    OrderoftheQuaff wrote Nov 27, 2013 @8:40 am:

    Did you know that in North Bend, Oregon (just north of Coos Bay), the name of the mall is "Pony Village"?

    That's invaluable intelligence.

    The Popehat Pentagon ™ should scramble a sortie of nuclear delivery vehicles. God willing, we will prevail, in peace and freedom from fear, and in true health, through the purity and essence of our natural… fluids. God bless you all.

  9. Mike  •  Nov 27, 2013 @9:44 am

    Patrick's last message sounds threatening. Hope SWAT doesn't show up, although I would not be surprised.

  10. Edward  •  Nov 27, 2013 @9:57 am

    Lol@ the ponies! If you really want to have fun…just mix One gallon Milk Jugs of tannerite and attach one liter of premium gas taped to the jug. Place attractant specific to the type of Pony hunted (food, crack, cash, Pin Up Girl….etc) near the jug. Shoot Milk Jug with Tracer and Enjoy!….Seriously though…..Tactical Auction is 100% Free to Buy, Sell or Trade!

  11. Patrick Non-White  •  Nov 27, 2013 @10:01 am

    Mr. Eddin, I'll allow your link, in the comment above, this once. Simply because you took it with a smile.

    Our general policy is not to allow commercial links. We hope you understand.

  12. Edward  •  Nov 27, 2013 @10:04 am

    Brother I always take life with a smile. Take Care!

  13. Noxx  •  Nov 27, 2013 @10:17 am

    Horses are pretty big to be considered "medium" game. I'd definitely recommend staying in the thirties. An M1A scout would do an admirable job here, or a Tokarev SVT for the budget minded.

  14. HamOnRye  •  Nov 27, 2013 @10:36 am

    I am a terribly disappointed in the advice he gave you. While a caliber of .270 is sufficent he fails to mention that shot placement is critical, and the skill of the shooter matters.

    For dangerous big game, such as man eating ponies I would go no less then a 300 Winchester or 7mm, both of Magnum variety.

    Until you are tested in battle with these vicious animals, or have been a night stick auxiliary for the NYPD, going light on firepower could be a fatal mistake!

  15. LearnedHand  •  Nov 27, 2013 @11:00 am

    You can hunt donkeys in Australia, and they're about the size of a pony. I believe that the .338 RCM is popular for that, but that might have something to do with Australia's gun laws.

    A 12 ga. with slugs would do nicely out to about 100 yds.

  16. SarahW  •  Nov 27, 2013 @11:01 am

    Meanwhile, prestigious firm specializing in "personal injury" requests your consideration of opportunity for guest-generated educational content with real bite. http://i.imgur.com/KsrbnJ3.jpg

  17. melK  •  Nov 27, 2013 @11:39 am

    @dfbaskwill:

    > I'm hoping this applies to Unicorns also. … They are a lot like ponies, only worser.

    You don't know the half of it! But the Laundry took care of one of the most recent Unicorn infestations.

  18. Warren Vita  •  Nov 27, 2013 @11:50 am

    For ponies, I would want something with plenty of stopping power, a decent-sized magazine, and good range – you don't want to be overwhelmed by a charging herd. Try something like an M82 to send a message.

  19. MattD  •  Nov 27, 2013 @12:09 pm

    "Shooting horses is illegal as far as I know. But if you were to do it anyways, here's what you'd want."

  20. Rob  •  Nov 27, 2013 @1:22 pm

    @MattD: shooting horses is legal if it's in self defense. Given the seriousness of the Pony Threat, I think it wise to be prepared, just in case.

  21. AlphaCentauri  •  Nov 27, 2013 @2:43 pm

    Does the legality of shooting ponies vary depending whether they're "migratory" ponies or have taken up permanent residence around your company's retention pond?

  22. Shane  •  Nov 27, 2013 @8:38 pm

    @Rob

    @MattD: shooting horses is legal if it's in self defense.

    But first you must mutter the incantation "They're coming right at us", and then you are free to send the ponies to the dark abyss.

  23. David T  •  Dec 4, 2013 @2:00 pm

    Ken, Ken, Ken! Here's an evil pony that steals passwords! And it got more than 2 million of them. http://threatpost.com/pony-botnet-controller-holds-2-million-stolen-and-weak-credentials/103096