Dress For The Pony You Fear, Not The Pony You Have

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55 Responses

  1. PLW says:

    Surely a troll. Come on… "Annita Johnson"? Wonder if they also have a "Mike Hunt".

  2. mcalex says:

    Awesome! Ken, have you considered charging people money for the words you write?

  3. Michael W says:

    I just shot milk out my nose I was laughing so hard while reading Kens reply.

  4. naught_for_naught says:

    I know I feel better. Don't you feel better?

  5. Trevor says:

    "The supreme art of war is to subdue the ponies without fighting." -either Sun Tzu or Guybrush Threepwood

  6. SarahW says:

    One of these days someone is going to pay up your price, and you will have to link to dress up games and sell me a virtual office address.

  7. Demosthenes says:

    Again? I mean, seriously, at some point you'd think Popehat would develop a certain reputation among unsavory marketer types. Must be a constant influx of noobs.

    I like to imagine some of these people, whose minds shattered as they realized the extent of their pwnage, are currently occupying the more fashionable corners of padded cells nationwide…and that the only words that can escape from betwixt their quivering, foam-flecked lips are "Ponies…no…ponies…"

  8. Xenocles says:

    You should consider taking their money in exchange for sending your readers over to their sites to cause havoc.

  9. Frank Reid says:

    I wish I had the patience, and the genius you display, to reply to dopes like this. I usually just shitcan those emails. Your way seems like a lot more fun.

  10. Demosthenes says:

    Hey, Xenocles, I'm always up for a little pro-bono work.

    Can you hear the ponies, Annita? They're screaming.

  11. Shane says:

    First, please for the love of god someone make this game.

    Secondly I do like the idea above of a 'please go mock these people links page.' As long as there is a strong disclaimer at the top that you endorse none of their pathetic selves and that any/all of the links go to sites that may contain stupidity and/or malware I don't see the downside of sending along an army of ill wishers.

  12. David says:

    "This is like teaching children that whirling sawblades taste like Strawberry Quik."

  13. Mike says:

    So, just yesterday I got an email from Journal of Literature and Art Studies, USA, saying "This is Journal of Literature and Art Studies … a professional journal published across the United States. … We have learned your paper entitled Cartagena and the Notion of Diversity in 15th-century Castile from the 2012 Pacific Ancient and Modern Language Association (PAMLA) Conference. … We are very interested in your paper and would like to publish your paper in our journal."

    Sketchy English aside, this has been widely red-flagged as a shady pay-to-publish operation. It occurs to me that Ken could open a profitable side business licensing personalized pony replies for this sort of situation.

  14. Doug says:

    Id rather go with boardgamegeek.com

  15. N. Easton says:

    Ha! I just now noticed that the row of "Share This Thing" buttons is now titled "Govern Yourself Accordingly."

    Good times.

  16. Dwight Brown says:

    Whirling sawblades don't taste like Strawberry Quik?

    Well, knock me over with a feather.

    If you'll excuse me, I've got some phone calls to make.

  17. Burnside says:

    The die has been cast.

  18. Mark Wing says:

    When the pony apocalypse comes, those pony loving bastards won't even see it coming. We won't even be able to say 'I told you so' because they'll all be dead.

  19. Joe Pullen says:

    Well as I'm sure you realized the phone # Annita so kindly provided is not a real phone #. Although I suppose you could always try contacting her through the alternate email address associated with the domain registration. There are a couple of other game sites on the same server.

    The AnnitaJohnson Hotmail account goes to an actual address in Oklahoma which for obvious reasons I will not publish here including the fact that it could be an old email addy picked up by someone else since it goes back to 2009.

  20. ZarroTsu says:

    She called your bluff.

    I shall start popping the popcorn in case she takes it all seriously. Worst(best?) case scenario there's a My-Little-Popehat dress-up sim on the site somewhere down the road.

    My fingers are cro– no, wait, my fingers are missing. Hum. Excuse me, I have to clean my keyboard.

  21. Kilroy says:

    Yeah, I call Troll. But better keep it going just to make sure.

  22. KeithB says:

    In Charles Stross' Laundry universe, the unicorns (kind of like a pony…) are not sparkly:
    http://www.tor.com/stories/2013/09/equoid

  23. Votre says:

    Gotta give whoever or whatever (if it's a bot) this 'Anita' thingy is full points for persistence.

    Maybe she's really a pony?

  24. JWH says:

    Someday, somebody's going to respond to Ken with a thousand words about the dangers of ponies.

  25. Niall says:

    Marketeer with a Hotmail account? Really?
    Realty? Really??
    And sublime effort. There have been worse games greenlighted for actual budgets by actual humans. (Or so we think. The release of Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing is a perennial question mark on that process.)
    The update is difficult to gauge properly. Confusion escalated to someone else's problem? trolling? bluff called? Who knows.

  26. Ivraatiems says:

    @Votre Don't even joke about that.

    I mean, what… what if she is..?

  27. Anton Sirius says:

    @JWH Either that, or they're gonna make him want to turn around and say goodbye.

  28. Bear says:

    "Please give me some time to forward this to the relevant department"

    Wait.

    What?

    They have a relevant department for that?

  29. Cvkvlv says:

    Ken, your entire piece is priceless. However, I am still pondering the existence of ironic facial hair. Are there also sarcastic and sardonic hairs and is it likely to find these in other regions?

  30. Demosthenes says:

    Please tell me you would go through with this, Ken. It would make my universe.

  31. Lagaya1 says:

    I'd consider writing a fake spam letter just to get one of these wonderful replies, myself. Have you ever considered that maybe you're the one getting punked?

  32. Doctor X says:

    After Update:

    Methinks you forced "her" off-script and "she" is trying to return to the script in the vain hopes you will play along.

    Someone needs to create a "Death Pony" costume.

    Oh wait "Interwebz!" Someone has done embroidery:

    http://craftyanddevious.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/my-little-death-ray-pony.jpg

    [Safe for that Thraldom Which You Euphemize as "Work."--Ed.]

  33. ... says:

    Ken's response is the most fun that Annita has had at her job, ever.

  34. bob says:

    Strangely, this game may already exist at adultswim.com.

  35. Bear says:

    @ Lagaya1: "I'd consider writing a fake spam letter just to get one of these wonderful replies, myself. Have you ever considered that maybe you're the one getting punked?"

    That never happens.

    Sadly, the racing pony 411 email apparently never made it past the Popehat spam filters.

  36. Mell Douglas says:

    You are too kind with your reply. I would have suggested that they contact a site in the same ilk.

    http://news.nationalpost.com/2013/11/20/chinese-retailer-offering-sex-dolls-resembling-pre-teen-girls-removed-from-e-commerce-site-following-outcry/

  37. apauld says:

    Ken, I've long wondered (though I don't recall ever asking); do your anti-pony views make for pro-glue views?

  38. Eric Welch says:

    Didn't Prenda have a patent on that game?

  39. That Anonymous Coward says:

    @Niall – Try the lawyer with yahoo or aol addresses, where the account name is something they thought was cool 20 years ago. This happens. Hell several of my nyms have way more professional sounding addresses.

    @Doctor X – That's cool and all… but I think I found Ken the proper outfits for the families holiday cards.

    http://shirt.woot.com/offers/four-little-ponies-of-the-apocalypse

    Do it Ken, it'll be fing epic.

  40. AlphaCentauri says:

    544 is a non-geographical area code:
    http://www.lincmad.com/nongeographic.html

    When you call one of those numbers, it actually forwards to whichever number the recipient is using at various times. Calling a 5xx area code could conceivably forward to some sleazy 900 or overseas number. So a lot of companies block those numbers for outgoing calls, and they never got very popular.

    Annita Johnson actually seems to be a popular name in Oklahoma. I didn't find anything connecting her to that website, but it may not be her day job. On the other hand, the domain dressup121.com is essentially the same as it was in 2010, at which time the domain was owned by Tuna Gurel in Ankara, Turkey. (It's currently got privacy protected registration.)

  41. Deathpony says:

    @Doctor X

    Someone needs to create a "Death Pony" costume.

    I call them "clothes"

    Neigh!

  42. Dan Weber says:

    I dunno, asking how much you charge to advertise seems much more straightforward than asking to make "guest posts."

  43. Votre says:

    I'd like to suggest we standardize on the term: PONYBAIT. That would be anything deemed worthy enough to provoke one of Ken's (by now) coveted 'pony rant' responses.

    We could also add ponybaited, ponybaiting, and ponybaitingly to round out the usage.

    Seems so much more appropriate than the more generic "troll" usages when it comes to getting a pony reply. ;-)

  44. Phil Binkowski says:

    Hey Ken,

    My name is Twilight Sparkle, I represent the ponies of Equestria. We are a collective of light-hearted ponies that focus on educating children on the magical benefits of a friendship-based society. I have recently reviewed many blogs regarding friendship and found that your blog (www.popehat.com) was the best.
    I would like to discuss arranging a guest post to your blog about the positive aspects of ponies and pony friendship in particular. I do see from reviewing your site that not all of your coverage of ponies has been positive but I am sure that you would like to host a pony-positive post to provide a point/counterpoint presence to your overall blogging experience. After all, nothing pushes pages views like controversy.

    With regard to remuneration, I assure you that this will be a excellent business opportunity for your blog. While we cannot offer any direct payment for our services, we can definitely help increase your level of exposure to leverage your current audience appropriately for future marketing endeavours.

    Thanks in advance, we look forward to working with you,

    Twilight Sparkle
    Equestria

  45. Pedant says:

    I think it's time for Annita to stop horsing around and to pony up. I, personally, am making tracks for their game store as soon as I drink my stirrup cup and rein in my …

  46. glenda says:

    A winning response from Annita! And in the end, an endorsement. Well played, Annita and Ken.

  47. AlphaCentauri says:

    I dunno, asking how much you charge to advertise seems much more straightforward than asking to make "guest posts."

    But anyone who took the time to read the site before inquiring would know that their inquiry might be rewarded by a custom-created pony post by Ken.

    Isn't there some saying among lawyers that you shouldn't ask a question of a witness if you don't already know the answer? Marketers might consider that strategy.

  48. grouch says:

    Ken,
    I regret to inform you that you have failed to achieve big sums of money for the pony apocalypse defense fund. You are over hurry and under reach in your response to horking blank check offer. Please press space bar and to try again.

    Seriously, "name your price" and you want PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTS!!!!1! Hand the email to your Destroyer of Worlds and see what you get. Wait. No, she already seems too capable without an unlimited tool budget. Never mind.

  49. Beware of Ponies! BTW, if this ever gets produced please reserve me a copy.

  50. Ackerbau says:

    I just found a bottle of Californian pale ale called "Dead Pony Club". I reckon this is from a brewery which consented to the rules for guest posts?

  1. November 23, 2013

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