My trip to Petco was uneventful. A cheerful greeter at the door handed me a coupon for Eukenuba Lamb and Rice dog food, so I bought that instead of the Dinky Dee I had set out for.
I don't know who's more foolish: the greeter standing there, cheerfully helping shoppers, or the other customers who weren't panicking and hoarding like I was. Don't these idiots realize that the government is shut down?!?!
The lack of rioting at Petco encouraged me – might there still be actual human food on the shelves at other stores? Swung by Whole Foods where I saw canned goods…and large cuts of beef and pork on sale at $1.99 / lb. Remembering a trick from Lucifer's hammer, I bought all the meat I could fit in the shopping cart, took it home, sliced it thin, and dehydrated it.
As I stayed up until 4am slicing meat I couldn't help but dwell on the fact that the customers at Whole Foods are just as deluded as those at Petco. Fools. Pathetic fools. The societal breakdown might not be that obvious yet, but by day three of the government shutdown they'll be hammering at my door, looking for salted beef.
Sadly, I've realized that my preparations aren't as far along as they should be. Ammunition will soon grow scarce, and I'll need other weapons to defend myself from bikers and feral children once the government shutdown really hits. I recall from Dies the Fire that crossbows can be made from truck leaf springs. I'm going to go onto Craigslist to try to find a blacksmith or craftsman I can barter with, but I fear it may already be too late – has Craigslist survived this long?
For that matter, will this missive ever reach you, dear readers?
The FCC has furloughed 98% of its employees, so I worry that without thousands of government heroes to keep the internet from collapsing, when I click "post" this message will go nowhere. I may have to find an alternative way to get this note to you.
If this message takes days, weeks, or even months to reach you, please understand – that's the best we can hope for with no government.
Last 5 posts by Clark
- Damn, It's Good To Be a Mathematical Gangster - December 7th, 2013
- This Sticker
KillsThwarts Fascists - December 6th, 2013
- Nock, Hoon, etc. for Non-Vulcans (Why Urbit Matters) - December 6th, 2013
- All Men Are Dogs - December 4th, 2013
- Why Is a British-Recognized Esquire Asking Questions in an American Court? - November 29th, 2013