When I make fun of awful legal marketing on this blog, I often borrow Eric Turkewitz' phrase "outsource your marketing, outsource your reputation and ethics." Because some of the incidents we talk about involve small-scale artisanal asshattery, readers might draw the incorrect conclusion that I'm saying attorneys should go with big, established, "reputable" marketeers to get reliable results. Nope. The most established institutions have some of the worst practices in marketing.
Today I'd like to share with you some truly awful spam from Thomson Reuters, and find out how many of our attorney readers received it as well.
Without further ado, here is the email. At least one attorney in my firm also received it. I'll bet some of my readers did as well.
From: firstname.lastname@example.org [mailto:email@example.com]
Sent: Wednesday, July 10, 2013 7:25 AM
Hello Kenneth Paul, [Note, right out of the gate, the cheesy use of my full first name and middle name to address me, a sign of a badly designed mass-mailing program. This screams "spam!"]
Forgive me if I am being presumptuous. [Request denied.] However, I am contacting you based solely on what I can see about your firm. [Note suggestion that author has personally reviewed information about my firm, as opposed to lending his name to a spam email sent to some automatically generated list. I'd like to depose him about how much time he spent researching my firm.] My assumption is that if I can show you a proven low cost method of getting you NEW CLIENTS, not visits to a website, but actually clients you would be at the least interested in hearing about it. [What did diction ever do to you? Also, you have no way of delivering clients that I want. You deliver mostly crazy people and people who want free legal advice.] I work for FindLaw ( a Thomson Reuters company) and our sister company is WestLaw which I’m sure you have heard of[, asshole. [Fixed that for you.]] We are the largest internet marketing company in the country for attorneys and we work with over 16,000 firms. We have over 180 different products ranging from Websites, Blogs, Social Media, Video and Directory Listings all designed to bring in quality clients to our law firms.[I am Unimpressed and Irritated to be Getting this Unwelcome Email.]
We have identified a number of opportunities where we see a high amount of Internet search traffic and relatively poor coverage (I can explain in more detail if we meet). Based on this research, it seems very evident that there is room for a couple of law firms in the Los Angeles metro to exploit this deficit to generate new clients within each of these identified niches. [This means absolutely nothing. Content null.]
In short, we have conducted research and if our findings are leveraged properly, we can make you money. [Again, bear in mind that this amateurish twaddle is coming from a gigantic, established, "reputable" mega-firm in the legal marketing community, and it is aimed at lawyers, but it is written like they are selling aluminum siding.] We have a specific plan in mind that we would like to share with you.
Let me state upfront that we are NOT looking to come in with a sales presentation and try to get you to switch ANY of your current marketing. This would be a targeted inexpensive program that would go side-by-side with anything you are currently doing and could be set in motion right away.
Due to the fact that we can only support a few firms with this offer to ensure efficacy; [An incorrect semicolon is accepted in the marketing industry as a method of apologizing for lying to you. Again: how many other people got this as well? Also: I know I need an editor, and I shouldn't throw the first stone at awful grammar, but why should you trust a mega-marketing firm that doesn't have a proofreader?]I am requesting that you let me know ASAP if you are interested in scheduling a 15 minute conversation to discuss the details.
Client Development Consultant
FindLaw A Thomson Reuters business
Serving Southern California
In brief: megacompany Thomson Reuters sends me subliterate spam asking to meet me to discuss a vaguely pitched marketing program that's hush-hush exclusive.
How many people received this? Let's find out.
Also: what kind of lawyer falls for this? Having seen the way Thomson Reuters spams, would you want to hire, and trust, the sort of lawyer who falls for this?
Last 5 posts by Ken White
- How I Became A Dupe, And Why I Blame Canada - December 6th, 2013
- NYPD: Baby, You Know We Love You. Why Do You Make Us Angry Like That? - December 5th, 2013
- The Road To Popehat: "This Will Not Turn Out Well" Edition - December 4th, 2013
- I Smell French Blood. Also, Croat. - December 4th, 2013
- Quasi-Literate Racist Asshole Jim DeBerry of Definitive Television Threatens To Sue Above The Law For Calling His Video Racist - December 2nd, 2013