This Is The Most Wonderful Legal Threat EVER

Humor, Law

Various journalists are claiming they have seen a video of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford smoking crack.

This led to the most darling legal threat ever from a lawyer named Dennis Morris — who has represented Ford for some time — to Gawker:

Update: We've received an email from Dennis Morris, a gentleman with a hotmail.com email address purporting to be Ford's attorney. Here is the message. We haven't corrected its formatting.

Greetings;I am a lawyer,and have been contacted by Mayor Ford's office in reference to your indicating you will post a photo of Mayor Ford smoking crack cocaine. Mayor Ford denies such took place,and if such posting occurs,it is false and defamatory,and you will be held legally accountable.In reference to the photo,you wish to publish, Mayor Ford has his photo taken daily,sometimes with others.

If the person you mention is now deceased,it is sad,regardless of his alleged background.

Please govern yourself accordingly.

Dennis Morris.

This is delightful, like that video of the kitten freaking out when it sees a lizard.

First, nobody ever governed themselves accordingly based on a threat from a hotmail account. Second, are you using some sort of comma-based operating system? Third, what the fuck are you talking about?

This sets a high bar.

Last 5 posts by Ken White

129 Comments

125 Comments

  1. Charles  •  May 17, 2013 @7:06 am

    He misspelled "gouvern"

  2. Jordan Rushie  •  May 17, 2013 @7:06 am

    It reads like Leonard J. Crabs wrote it.

  3. manybellsdown  •  May 17, 2013 @7:08 am

    I'm starting to feel like "govern yourself accordingly" is code for "I got my law degree out of a cereal box".

  4. Rich  •  May 17, 2013 @7:12 am

    That seems like a very short email for a lawyer, maybe the paralegal was told, in passing, to write an email to Gawker about this stuff.

  5. Trebuchet  •  May 17, 2013 @7:15 am

    I'm thinking Poe's law applies here. It's apt to be a Popehat reader, not the actual Morris.

  6. Nicholas Weaver  •  May 17, 2013 @7:17 am

    It may very well be Rob "Perhaps a crack head, certainly governs on metaphorical crack" Ford's lawyer, since the Toronto Star got a quote from him:
    http://www.thestar.com/news/city_hall/2013/05/16/toronto_mayor_rob_ford_in_crack_cocaine_video_scandal.html

  7. Resolute  •  May 17, 2013 @7:18 am

    It certainly sounds like someone who would associate with Rob Ford.

  8. Mark  •  May 17, 2013 @7:19 am
  9. Marilou  •  May 17, 2013 @7:19 am

    No self-respecting paralegal would write an e-mail like that. Nor would an overgrown secretary like me.

  10. angstela  •  May 17, 2013 @7:23 am

    I'm skeptical of that, @Trebuchet. Canada is, for the most part, years behind the curve on the whole "e-business" front. It's difficult to shop online. Businesses, despite having contact addresses, rarely respond at all to emailed questions — and if they do you typically get a shouty, all-caps reply.

    Just a few short years ago, my immigration lawyer here in Toronto (chosen by an employer) did have materials sent to us by his secretary — and yes, she sent them from a ridiculous hotmail address, and about as well formatted as the above.

    And sadly, the legal documents I encounter here are frequently rife with unnecessary, puffed-up phrases and bizarre, complex structures.

  11. earthclanbootstrap  •  May 17, 2013 @7:26 am

    Dennis Morris, welcome to the big leagues!

  12. Nezrite  •  May 17, 2013 @7:27 am

    Well, this was worth getting out of bed for.

  13. Charles  •  May 17, 2013 @7:31 am

    Stop theorizing in a non-joking way since there is no ambiguity here. It was a hastily written threat from a private account by a guy who got a phone call from a heavily breathing mayor, yelling "stop this! stop this!" while he was nowhere near his work computer and his blackberry was on the floor of a crackhouse.

  14. shg  •  May 17, 2013 @7:33 am

    A hotmail account? Seriously? It's clearly a joke. Real lawyers use an aol account.

  15. jay  •  May 17, 2013 @7:33 am

    As a former DC resident, I was half expecting to see "'if such posting occurs,it is false and defamatory,because bitch set me up."

  16. Blah  •  May 17, 2013 @7:35 am

    "First, nobody ever governed themselves accordingly based on a threat from a hotmail account. Second, are you using some sort of comma-based operating system? Third, what the fuck are you talking about?"

    This is the funniest paragraph I've read all week. Fantastic.

  17. Squillo  •  May 17, 2013 @7:39 am

    "Comma-based operating system."

    You win de intertoobz today.

  18. Joseph Ratliff  •  May 17, 2013 @7:44 am

    After reading that, I….I…….. what?

  19. Dave Ruddell  •  May 17, 2013 @7:46 am

    It's truly an exciting time to be a citizen of Toronto. Breaking news about the mayor on the pipe and an earthquake all in one day!

  20. Clark  •  May 17, 2013 @7:48 am

    Re: "second, are you using some sort of comma-based operating system? " I direct you to:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brainfuck

    The brainfuck programming language is an esoteric programming language noted for its extreme minimalism. It is a Turing tarpit, designed to challenge and amuse programmers,

    There are eight language commands, each consisting of a single character:

    >< +-.[] and comma

    ...

  21. Saribro  •  May 17, 2013 @7:51 am

    If your business is without its own domain, what other options for a mail provider are there? Would GMail be considered "more professional", or perhaps an ISP-provided address? Would people be less derisive if Mr. Morris had used the newfangled @outlook.com postfix for the same mailbox? Is this perhaps a roundabout way to call people cheapskates for not having a business domain address?
    I'm having trouble parsing the fuss. I do appreciate that packaging can sometimes detract from its content, but it's not as if he sent something from I_Am_The_Lord-THX1138@poopsicle.com or whatever.

  22. Clark  •  May 17, 2013 @7:55 am

    > If your business is without its own domain, what other options for a mail provider are there?

    Being unwilling or unable to afford a $10/yr domain name and maybe another $40 for some budget hosting when even im_11_years_old_and_I_like_ponies.com is up on the web
    marks one as an utterly unserious goofball.

  23. John David Galt  •  May 17, 2013 @7:57 am

    Sounds like Hunter S. Thompson wrote it on the fourth night of a bender.

  24. Windypundit  •  May 17, 2013 @7:58 am

    Ok Ken, I need some quick legal advice. If someone sets up a fake hotmail account and pretends to be a lawyer so they can send fake libelslander threats for their own amusement, and they get caught, will they get in a lot of trouble? Will you send up the Popehat signal for them? Asking for a friend.

  25. earthclanbootstrap  •  May 17, 2013 @7:59 am

    @ Saribro

    You just made me laugh out loud at work. I award you +1 internets, sir.

  26. earthclanbootstrap  •  May 17, 2013 @8:02 am

    Dang, messed up blockquote. That =1 internets was obviously awarded for:

    but it's not as if he sent something from I_Am_The_Lord-THX1138@poopsicle.com or whatever.

  27. Dan  •  May 17, 2013 @8:03 am

    Brilliant satire? Can't possibly be real… which means it's probably real.

  28. Sami  •  May 17, 2013 @8:14 am

    At this point, if you want to look professional, you really should have your own domain name, but yes, gmail is more professional than hotmail, in the same way that typing your correspondence is more professional than using fingerpaint.

  29. Hal 10000  •  May 17, 2013 @8:22 am

    Poe. It's gotta be. I find it hard to believe that a real lawyer would be so brain-damaged as to write something like that.

  30. naught_for_naught  •  May 17, 2013 @8:23 am

    Being unwilling or unable to afford a $10/yr domain name and maybe another $40 for some budget hosting when even im_11_years_old_and_I_like_ponies.com is up on the web
    marks one as an utterly unserious goofball.

    The content of the letter is what earns the Bronx cheer. The choice of mail server is just rubble bouncing, to coin Ken's term. The only thing that matters is what happens before you punch the Send key.

  31. Sheriff Fatman  •  May 17, 2013 @8:29 am

    @Clark:

    If your business is without its own domain, what other options for a mail provider are there?

    Being unwilling or unable to afford a $10/yr domain name and maybe another $40 for some budget hosting when even im_11_years_old_and_I_like_ponies.com is up on the web
    marks one as an utterly unserious goofball.

    This x 1000. If you're really cheap, you don't even need the hosting: many domain registrars will chuck in e-mail redirection for free (well, mine does anyway), so you can hide your l33t.lawyer@aol.com shame.

    @John David Galt:

    Sounds like Hunter S. Thompson wrote it on the fourth night of a bender.

    Go and read the first paragraph of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, then come back and give us 500 words on why what you wrote is an unspeakable slander on the late great Dr T.

  32. Dan Weber  •  May 17, 2013 @8:33 am

    It used to be a hassle to have your own domain. You would have to admin a server. Even remotely, even being someone who once thought sysadmining was a fun job, I just ain't got time for that in my life.

    These days it's a lot easier. A few bucks out of pocket and someone else manages it all.

    Now, the lawyer may have built up a significant career around that hotmail address over the previous 20 years. That's a decent argument for keeping it. Not necessarily the end of the story, but it's a good start as to an explanation.

  33. b7fLuid  •  May 17, 2013 @8:51 am

    Wow! This is startling. Having been born, raised and still residing in Toronto, this is shocking. I've never liked Ford, and voted against him, but man if this is true, it wouldn't surprise me.

    You may be asking how someone in his position could be so stupid as to allow himself to be caught on video doing this, you only need to do a youtube search for some of his social and political commentary and you'd understand.

    A little bit of me hopes the allegations are false (for Toronto's sake), but a little bit of me hopes he goes down for this as well (for Toronto's sake).

  34. Joe Pullen  •  May 17, 2013 @8:54 am

    In case anyone is wondering here is the video of the kitten freaking out that Ken was referring to.

  35. James Duncan  •  May 17, 2013 @9:00 am

    If your business is without its own domain in 2013 then they look like amateurs. That's pretty much it.

  36. nlp  •  May 17, 2013 @9:03 am

    Don't worry, Ken. Someone will come along who will beat this wonderful legal threat. As the internet grows, more crazies, (some with some sort of legal degree clutched in their hot little hands) will appear.

  37. mcinsand  •  May 17, 2013 @9:05 am

    I'm stressing over trying to choose which would be more embarrassing: getting video'd smoking crack or publicly caught using a dildo like Dennis Morris for legal representation. It's just too much for me. I can't decide. Both would be shamefully humiliating.

  38. JMS  •  May 17, 2013 @9:09 am

    "Govern yourself accordingly" is the rallying cry of the First Airborne Dunning-Kruger Battalion, isn't it?

    In marginally related news, Booth Sweet LLP are my currently favorite law firm, between Booth's response to "suing errbody" Johnny Monsarrat's lawyer and Sweet's Perry Mason moment (TM Ken) in the Prenda festivities.

  39. SteveM  •  May 17, 2013 @9:23 am
  40. Susan  •  May 17, 2013 @9:33 am

    Wonder how many ponies were involved?

  41. b  •  May 17, 2013 @9:34 am

    I don't have room in my head for many facts about Canadia, but this the "person you mention is now deceased" statement, which at first gleeful blush may seem like a delightfully deranged threat, may be a reference to the shooting of Anthony Smith, an apparently well-known figure and alleged drug peddler to Toronto's elites.

  42. whheydt  •  May 17, 2013 @9:34 am

    Re: Sheriff Fatman…

    "Dr. T" is the guy with the 500-boy piano.

  43. naught_for_naught  •  May 17, 2013 @9:41 am

    If your business is without its own domain in 2013 then they look like amateurs. That's pretty much it.

    Thanks @James Duncan for saying that. I'm just putting the finishing touches on a CMS for law firms. I haven't updated LegalFranca.com yet to offer it, but I it will provide attorneys a gimmick-free way to build their practice without all the online marketing crapola. Best of all, it will come with a free domain name.

  44. Aaron W  •  May 17, 2013 @9:57 am

    Can someone please print up a batch of "Govern yourself accordingly" T-shirts?

  45. He really said that...?!?  •  May 17, 2013 @10:17 am

    I want to see T-shirts that say "I am not Alan Cooper".

  46. Resolute  •  May 17, 2013 @10:17 am

    @b – the laywer may also have been playing a "show respect for the dead" angle, which would be hilariously misguided in a threat to Gawker.

  47. earthclanbootstrap  •  May 17, 2013 @10:18 am

    @ Aaron W

    I'd be careful about that; Prenda might sue for copyright violation.

  48. BaronLurk  •  May 17, 2013 @10:23 am

    Hmmm. Time for "Morris Munch" as a new brand of popcorn?

  49. Jack (the one with the cat avatar)  •  May 17, 2013 @10:25 am

    The mayor of Toronto got caught smoking crack?

    Toronto, Ontario, Canada??

    I thought this kind of scandal only hit U.S. cities!

  50. Ygolonac  •  May 17, 2013 @10:27 am

    50 comments and not one mention of Marion Berry?

  51. mcinsand  •  May 17, 2013 @10:30 am

    @Ygolonac, go back and see Jay's comment… it was all about Marion Barry.

  52. Jack (the one with the cat avatar)  •  May 17, 2013 @10:35 am

    Ygolonac, you really cut it close with that observation. (My comment above was number fifty-one.)

    On an unrelated note, is your username meant to reference home canning?

  53. Jack (the one with the cat avatar)  •  May 17, 2013 @10:36 am

    D'oh. Good catch, mcinsand.

  54. jimmythefly  •  May 17, 2013 @11:07 am

    At this point, if you want to look professional, you really should have your own domain name, but yes, gmail is more professional than hotmail, in the same way that typing your correspondence is more professional than using fingerpaint.

    Really, why? I'm happy with hotmail, and I like not having the contents of my email scanned so that I can be advertised to.

  55. John Ammon  •  May 17, 2013 @11:09 am

    @jimmythefly – Oh… so you don't like being "scroogled"? *rolleyes*

  56. Steven H.  •  May 17, 2013 @11:12 am
  57. Steven H.  •  May 17, 2013 @11:14 am

    See?!? The above is exactly why we need a preview option!

    Can someone either edit it or delete it as meaningless babbling?

  58. John Ammon  •  May 17, 2013 @11:14 am

    @jimmythefly – also, your trollbait response has nothing to do with the question of legitimacy. It's fine to like hotmail, if that does it for you, great! The fact still remains that if you send business correspondence through a service like hotmail, gmail, yahoo or aol, you'll look amateur and pathetic.

    I myself love using Gmail, and tailored ads don't bother me any more in my email than they do on the web. I also manage about 8 accounts regularly through my Gmail account, this allows me to send emails from john@companyname.com rather than @gmail.com while still using the interface that I like.

    Then again, I'm a smart person.

  59. John Ammon  •  May 17, 2013 @11:16 am

    @Steven H. – Hashtags? popehat doesn't support hashtags. It supports a few html tags though.

  60. adam  •  May 17, 2013 @11:19 am

    omg, that video was hysterical. if anyone hasn't seen it, here it is , (I promise i'm not rickrolling you)

  61. jimmythefly  •  May 17, 2013 @11:25 am

    John,

    I'm not arguing whether your own domain is better than Hotmail or Gmail or AOL, of course it is.

    It just seems like there's this assumption out there that Gmail is somehow clearly superior and much different than Hotmail. And there's often the implication that someone who uses Hotmail is dumb, technologically illiterate, and behind-the-times. To me, it just always seemed like bandwagon-jumping.

    I understand there are legitimate functional reasons why Gmail is superior for you personally.

  62. barry  •  May 17, 2013 @11:25 am

    A not very well written email spoofing website might have the 'no spaces after commas' problem. WordPress forums had it a few years ago. http://wordpress.org/support/topic/no-space-after-comma.

  63. Clark  •  May 17, 2013 @11:41 am

    @Sheriff Fatman:

    Go and read the first paragraph of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, then come back and give us 500 words on why what you wrote is an unspeakable slander on the late great Dr T.

    This blog needs a subtitle:

    We're in bat pony country.

  64. herkamur  •  May 17, 2013 @11:55 am

    @Jack (the one with the cat avatar)

    Yes, but we're talking about Toronto, the same city that had Mel Lastman as mayor. He's the guy who called in the military for snow removal duty after a storm and who made a really misguided cannibal joke just before visiting Africa.

  65. Aaron S.  •  May 17, 2013 @12:25 pm

    Re: "Govern yourself accordingly." Don't know if you saw the abajournal article about Marty Singer's civil trouble, but the demand letter that got him in trouble uses that phrase.
    Article: http://www.abajournal.com/news/article/was_well-known_lawyers_demand_letter_extortion_appeals_court_to_hear_argume/?utm_source=maestro&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=weekly_email

    Letter: http://www.scribd.com/doc/141257673/Arazm-v-Malin-Malin-Letter

    I never use that phrase, and I'm not implying anything…

  66. angstela  •  May 17, 2013 @12:30 pm

    Ah, Mel was in good company with his inappropriate cannibal jokes. I think, though, looking back over Ford's tenure as Mayor, how can we have not seen this coming?

  67. Frank Rizzo  •  May 17, 2013 @12:31 pm
  68. Dagar  •  May 17, 2013 @12:36 pm

    It's easy to make fun of the hotmail account, but sometimes people do things like that. I've got a client who is Executive Director of a nonprofit and uses a "prodigy.net" email (remember prodigy? even older and less prestigious than hotmail, and it lives on somewhere inside of att or possibly yahoo today). They've got a proper domain, but "this is the address everyone knows". My observation is that the older the person is, the more likely this situation is to arise.

  69. jackn  •  May 17, 2013 @12:52 pm

    I'm not arguing whether your own domain is better than Hotmail or Gmail or AOL, of course it is.

    It just seems like there's this assumption out there that Gmail is somehow clearly superior….

    It is clearly superior.

    And the custom domains support is much better – not that I would use any of those host or their software. I don't. I use my own server that implements a rules based work queue on each incoming email.

    but clearly, google is superior….

  70. Jonathan Gladstone  •  May 17, 2013 @1:04 pm

    So glad I live just outside of Toronto these past 20 years!

  71. KOW  •  May 17, 2013 @1:16 pm

    Well, this is going to get very interesting. They started an indiegogo fund to raise the money to publish the video: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/rob-ford-crackstarter
    And comments indicate that there is another fund with the same goal in mind going on.

    That hotmail account is going to get quite the workout.

  72. Ygolonac  •  May 17, 2013 @1:22 pm

    mcinsand – D"oh! It's been so long since Berry's bust that I didn't recognise the reference.

    No excuse for not noticing the "DC" mention, however.

    Jack (the one with the cat avatar) – nah, just your basic Great Old One: a bloated headless humanoid with fanged maws in his palms. (GIS used to bring up an NWS image as one of the first results)

    Previews would be nice, it would help me catch more of my own typos. (Stupid drool on the keyboard doesn't help.)

  73. mcinsand  •  May 17, 2013 @1:40 pm

    @Ygolonac, I doubt that I would have caught the reference if not for the '… set me up' quote.' I remember his supporters wearing T-shirts with that quote.

  74. MarkH  •  May 17, 2013 @1:47 pm

    Saribro wrote:
    If your business is without its own domain, what other options for a mail provider are there? Would GMail be considered "more professional", or perhaps an ISP-provided address? Would people be less derisive if Mr. Morris had used the newfangled @outlook.com postfix for the same mailbox? Is this perhaps a roundabout way to call people cheapskates for not having a business domain address?

    Hotmail.com has so many people on it most use a name with some random number on it. You don't really know who you are responding to, and given this is a legal matter it can have consequences. Anyone can make a hotmail account.

    If they want me to take their email seriously, I expect to be able to look up the name and see who registered it, make sure it appears valid.

    And, I pretty much never read a hotmail email … they go straight to junk. So, if you are an attorney who wants the email to be read, and after that to be taken seriously, hotmail is a sure way to fail.

  75. Delvan  •  May 17, 2013 @2:38 pm

    @Sheriff

    Go and read the first paragraph of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, then come back and give us 500 words on why what you wrote is an unspeakable slander on the late great Dr T.

    Unspeakable slander, or unwritable libel?

  76. thespian  •  May 17, 2013 @2:53 pm

    you know, I own my own domain. which is irrelevant…because all email to me at sleepingcat.com comes to a gmail account – I haven't hosted my own mail server in years. It took about 10 minutes to set up (most of which was propagation), and gmail will host any damn email server you want. you don't even need to go anywhere other than gmail.com to get it – you just log in with the whole domain instead of just a user name.

  77. Lucy  •  May 17, 2013 @3:16 pm

    "Govern yourself accordingly" is lawyer speak for "Muhaha". If this is the sign off line, the author is evil.

    This is how I am leaning anyhow. Any show of a protagonist signing off like this would sway me toward neutral again.

  78. naught_for_naught  •  May 17, 2013 @3:23 pm

    OK. If we could just table the whole question of which free email service eats a bucket of dicks for a minute, here's something that actually fun. Slate put together this little quiz Who Said It: Toronto Mayor Rob Ford or Simpsons Mayor Diamond Joe Quimby?

    Good luck.

  79. Jimmy C  •  May 17, 2013 @3:48 pm

    The choice of mail server is just rubble bouncing, to coin Ken's term.

    I don't think it's possible to coin someone else's term.

  80. naught_for_naught  •  May 17, 2013 @4:07 pm

    @Jimmy C

    I don't think it's possible to coin someone else's term.

    I believe it is

  81. ChrisR  •  May 17, 2013 @4:10 pm

    @JimmyC – Given that 'to coin a phrase' means to copy one, not to make a new one as many people think… yes it is entirely possible to coin someone else's…

  82. Ygolonac  •  May 17, 2013 @4:10 pm

    If it's a particularly heinous one, or a pun, then "to corn a phrase" can be activated.

  83. naught_for_naught  •  May 17, 2013 @4:23 pm

    Here you go, Ygolonac. You earned it.

  84. OngChotwI  •  May 17, 2013 @5:48 pm

    Is the source ip# in the email's header even related to a location close to Toronto (I instantly hear a song by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie being queued)?
    And Hotmail.com seems a lot more legit than Handsmeier's email: http://pietzlawfirm.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Emergency-Motion-for-Stay-Pending-Appeal.pdf

  85. Dan Weber  •  May 17, 2013 @5:58 pm

    They've got a proper domain, but "this is the address everyone knows".

    Yep, I've seen that a lot. Ironically, the sooner someone was on the Internet, the more likely they have something like an AOL or Prodigy address, and they stuck with it. Now e-mail providers are very happy to sell you your own domain.

    There is an entire universe of people who just don't give a shit about this stuff, and neither do their customers/clients. They've never had a need for a domain name and look at people giggling at them for using Hotmail the same way you got giggled at for weaing Guess? jeans one year after they went out of fashion.

    They started an indiegogo fund to raise the money to publish the video

    What? How much does it cost to upload something to YouTube these days?

    And, I pretty much never read a hotmail email … they go straight to junk.

    And I have a friend who doesn't like Google's scanning policies, and blacklists all google domains trying to send mail to him.

    The world is full of people with silly attitudes, and you shouldn't try to run your life to make them happy. That way will only end in unhappiness.

  86. Dave K  •  May 17, 2013 @6:09 pm

    @Dan: the drug dealers who shot the video and provided the drugs apparently want $200K before they'll hand it over so "they can start a new life in Calgary".

    The local papers balked, Gawker simply couldn't raise the cash before the person they reached out to to pitch in tipped the mayors office instead and they decided to run with the story.

  87. Merissa  •  May 17, 2013 @6:19 pm

    This makes me vaguely homesick for Toronto.

  88. SPQR  •  May 17, 2013 @6:33 pm

    This one is just beyond belief. That's the kind of email I'd expect a crackhead's lawyer to send. Exactly.

  89. Eric Holder  •  May 17, 2013 @7:10 pm

    ALL your emails belong to ME!

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahahah!!

  90. Charlotte  •  May 17, 2013 @8:24 pm

    Gawker's got a Tom Ford tag now. Excellent.

  91. Charlotte  •  May 17, 2013 @8:24 pm

    whoops, Rob Ford

  92. Jimmy C  •  May 17, 2013 @10:19 pm

    @naught_for_naught

    That's interesting, and I'd never heard that, but I'm not convinced it's right. Here's a differing opinion. http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/coin-a-phrase.html

  93. Anony Mouse  •  May 18, 2013 @1:32 am

    To me, it just always seemed like bandwagon-jumping.

    Welcome the big leagues internet.

  94. Matthew Cline  •  May 18, 2013 @8:12 am

    Unspeakable slander, or unwritable libel?

    Is unspeakable slander what happens when a Lovecraftian horror defames you?

  95. darius404  •  May 18, 2013 @8:46 am

    Fortunately, breakthrough has been made in the case, conclusively proving that it is NOT Toronto mayor Rob Ford, but rather his crack-addicted identical twin brother, Mike Ford:

    "Few people know this, but I actually have a twin brother named Mike. And Mike and I, well we've taken very different paths in life. While I've become the leader of Canada's largest city, he's been battling addiction to all sorts of substances – alcohol, heroin, speed, and crack.

    Rob Ford Claims He Has Twin Brother

  96. naught_for_naught  •  May 18, 2013 @9:10 am

    @darius404

    You almost had me.

  97. Drakkenmensch  •  May 18, 2013 @10:25 am

    Mr Ford should stop doing business with a lawyer whose apparent language is engrish and start consulting with an english speaking one instead.

  98. Jack B.  •  May 18, 2013 @11:36 am

    Don't blame me, I voted for Zap Rowsdower!

  99. Jack B- OMG!!!!!! ROWSDOWER!!!! You, sir, are my new favorite human.

  100. Merissa  •  May 18, 2013 @6:03 pm

    @Charlotte: Would love to have a Tom Ford tag, myself.

  101. Bill  •  May 18, 2013 @7:24 pm

    @Naught – I agree that the email host argument got old fast, but being on the young side of gens – I still remember hitting Compuserve and Prodigy on my 2600 baud modem, back when giving out email addresses was a slightly big deal. The stroll down memory lane here caused several chuckles but agreed, it's not the point.

  102. Bill  •  May 18, 2013 @7:36 pm

    @Clark – you never crease to amaze brother.

  103. Sami  •  May 18, 2013 @7:51 pm

    Hotmail is the embarrassing one because it's spectacularly insecure, with a long history of people's e-mail accounts being hacked trivially, as well as because it's always been the e-mail provider for people who don't have a real e-mail provider.

    Having a prodigy.net address is not unprofessional; a long-standing ISP-based address is fine.

    Gmail is more acceptable because, firstly, gmail has always had better security, and secondly, because it's not called "hotmail". Seriously. Would you run a professional website for your law firm at "www.hothosting.com/mytotallyseriouslawfirm"? It's too teen-ish.

    This is why gmail is preferable to hotmail, but for professionalism, you should have your own damn domain name, because it's trivial and cheap and if nothing else, means you're not going to be judged for someone else's bad PR.

  104. Bill  •  May 18, 2013 @8:30 pm

    @Sami – The main reason I think Hotmail is a joke is b/c back in the day, free email addresses weren't all that common. On chat sites like Bianca (back when 'cyber-sex' was unheard of) people would post Hotmail addresses to avoid being identified. It was several years into it before I ever recall seeing anything along the lines of FirstName.LastName@hotmail.com – in fact for a while you could actually get an address with your real name b/c the only people creating names used stuff like IDoDoubleAnal@hotmail.com. What sealed it was that you'd actually see stuff like IDoDoubleAnal09@hotmail.com, ATMGurl19 or BukkakeLover25@hotmail.com. Security flaws and practical concerns might just make it worse, but it was the whole 'default email provider for shady pervs' thing that caused it.

  105. Bill  •  May 18, 2013 @8:33 pm

    Also- gmail was originally invite only. Not a huge thing but having Gmail invites was sort of the cool thing to have not too long ago, and being invited was viewed thes ame way. People were selling Gmail invites on Ebay if memory serves and people were actually paying a fair amount of money for them – more than it would cost to get your own domain name and hosting for a year. Google seems to have picked upon scarcity = higher value thing a long time ago and still gets it today, getting an Ingress account is not much different than getting a gmail account was.

  106. Jack B.  •  May 18, 2013 @9:17 pm

    Jack B- OMG!!!!!! ROWSDOWER!!!! You, sir, are my new favorite human.

    heh… thanks. Always nice to run into another MST3K fan. I swear, I used to not be able to throw a rock without hitting one, and now it's like, "MST3 huh?"

  107. AlphaCentauri  •  May 18, 2013 @10:14 pm

    Gmail may be a little better at eliminating fraudulent uses of its accounts, but there are plenty of spammers using all the free services. Spammers use bots to sign up for them and then sell them to other spammers in blocks of 1000 email addresses. Most are posted in Russian language forums, but I found one example of someone looking for affiliates. He is buying gmail addresses for $10/1000 and offering to let affiliates sell them for as much as they can mark them up to make a profit:
    www[dot]freelancer.com/projects/Data-Processing-Project-Management/Need-Gmail-Account-Sell-Marketing.html

    Hotmail accounts were originally even cheaper, though now that new addresses are at live.com, the old ones might command a higher price as the spammy ones get shut down over time.

    As for this case: I think a lot of organizations have someone who insists on using his/her old personal email account for company business and who is too senior in the organization to be forced to follow rules. That's what happened with Sarah Palin's Yahoo account a few years ago.

    If you want to be taken seriously in business communication, you really have to have a domain name, and it should have pubic domain registration with your company's business address. Otherwise people have no way of knowing if you are who you say you are, as happened here. And people who know a little bit about domain name registration will also wonder if you are running your business professionally in other ways, or whether you are commingling money as well as emails.

  108. Charles  •  May 18, 2013 @11:01 pm

    "Like I'm a fucking rube." and "Third, what the fuck are you talking about?" are my two favorite uses of the f-bomb, ever.

    If I give a co-worker a politely questioning look in a meeting, I am likely thinking one of those to exact lines.

  109. James Pollock  •  May 19, 2013 @12:57 am

    " I still remember hitting Compuserve and Prodigy on my 2600 baud modem"

    I don't think you do. At least, not clearly.

    But if you can remember Quantumlink with a 300baud modem, there's some geek cred there to be had. Or the venerable Tek 43 terminal. But nothing fires up the old blood like a good Kermit vs. Zmodem debate…

  110. Mark Lyon  •  May 19, 2013 @4:35 am

    There never was a real Kermit v ZMODEM debate. Anyone who cared about actually receiving a file before they died would use ZMODEM.

  111. piperTom  •  May 19, 2013 @6:03 am

    @ChrisR "Given that 'to coin a phrase' means to copy one…"

    Merriam-Webster does not agree

    Verb transitive
    Create, invent

  112. angstela  •  May 19, 2013 @6:12 am

    I tend to think he has "hotmail" and "yahoo" backward in this, but here you go: What your email address says about your computer skills.

  113. AlphaCentauri  •  May 19, 2013 @6:49 am

    I still find it amusing that these guys think they'll make it to Calgary with their $200K. More likely they'll join the other guy in the photo, the money will be gone, and the video deleted after the phone is stolen off their bodies.

  114. htom  •  May 19, 2013 @9:28 am

    Kermit vs. ZModem … Kermits were slower, Zmodems had more incompatibly problems. Kermit was everywhere, Zmodem was PC. CDC Star to HP-48, Kermit.

  115. Joe Pullen  •  May 19, 2013 @4:30 pm

    The really scary part is that before he hit the send button on that email there was a part of his brain that said "nothing can possibly go wrong with this".

  116. joe  •  May 19, 2013 @5:06 pm

    Dude, those lizards are huge! Are you telling me you wouldn't freak out if you came face to face with one of those?

  117. Larry Johnson  •  May 20, 2013 @11:32 pm

    There is only one way that letter makes sense. Imagine it being read aloud by Christopher Walken.

  118. hue  •  May 21, 2013 @12:45 am

    Govern yourself accordingly.

    Where have I heard that before……. http://fightcopyrighttrolls.com/tag/padraigin-browne/
    This lawsuit, 07-cv-02174, was filed in CASD back in 2007. This time the objector was Paul Hansmeier’s father, a Minnesota lawyer Gordon Hansmeier. The objection was filed by Brett Gibbs on 10/1/2012, which was the last day of the allowed period. Two days prior to that, Paul Hansmeier sent a letter to the class counsel, Denis Stewart, particularly saying that

    This letter is to advise you that an objection will be filed to your proposed settlement. I am enclosing a draft of the objection to be filed, which you have previously had an opportunity to review. This (or a similar version) will be filed if you do not attempt to resolve this matter. We find that settlements like this are likely to be rejected following our participation, as was the result today in In re Groupon, No. 11-md- 02238 (S.D. Cal.) (Dkt. No. 97).

    I will extend to you an offer to settle this matter with my client for $30,000.00 if the settlement terms are reached by 5:00 PM CST on Monday, Oct. 1, 2012. If you reject this settlement and the objection is filed, the offer to o settle is revoked and will not be extended at the pre-filing settlement amount.

    Govern yourself accordingly.

  119. AlphaCentauri  •  May 21, 2013 @4:34 pm

    Actually, if you've recently started reading Popehat, you should check out Ken's smackdown to a bumptious cease and desist letter and the unfortunately timed response it elicited on his wedding anniversary:
    http://www.regretsy.com/2012/04/25/no-you-cease-and-desist/

  120. MattN  •  May 22, 2013 @8:42 am

    Not sure if anyone watches the Daily show, but they started off the show last night with this specific scandal. I wonder if Mr. Morris will be sending a letter to them, and how they would respond

  121. Lyssandri  •  May 24, 2013 @9:19 am

    Looks like he learned punctuation from Orly Taitz…

  122. Ben  •  May 27, 2013 @2:33 am

    Dear Dennis,

    Please stay off the crack cocaine while you're writing legal threats.

    Kind regards,
    the Giant Unicorn Riding a Rainbow of Daleks Sitting Right Next to You

  123. Anonymous  •  May 27, 2013 @4:26 pm

    Are all these people classmates or Lionel Hutz?

  124. Anonymous  •  May 27, 2013 @4:26 pm

    *of* not *or*

  125. Doug  •  Jun 28, 2013 @1:30 pm

    I bet the threat was typed on an iPad. I often get commas where spaces should be when I try to type on a touch-screen.

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