Town Without Pony
I am currently working with DestinFlorida.org to find content partners that would be interested in posting a quality on-topic post to their site with a link back to http://www.destinflorida.org.
Our writer is top-notch and the content will be exclusive to your site only. If you are interested please let me know and I can have a custom article written for your site within a week.
Dear Ms. Gibson:
Thank you for the offer. I have reviewed the web site and am enthralled by the prospect of a post regarding Destin, Florida. Destin seems to embody all the qualities I've come to associate with Florida: peace and tranquility, good judgment, and shirtless people.
One issue remains. My careful search of the many activities featured on the Destin, Florida promotional web site reveals no pony-related recreation. This is not a problem: this is a unassailable prerequisite to associating Popehat with the site. Can you please confirm that Destin is pony-free, to a level of confidence of at least .9 PPI (Pony Probability Index)?
Thank you. I eagerly await hearing more.
You need not to worry about pony-related recreation. Destin is pony free.
I am thrilled, relieved, and more than a little inappropriately agitated to hear it.
Would a guest post extol the virtues of Destin as a recreational locale? That might make a very pleasant change of pace. We write about grim things, Dorothy. Ours is not a place of carefree beach frolic. No, we write about injustice and censorship and brutality and violence and ponies and racism and corruption. Beware, this is a place for tears, as Scarpia says to Cavaradossi in the course of the latter's regrettable encounter with the Italian court system. So: a post about happy people doing happy things in a happy place would be like a refreshing zephyr, with adjacent condominiums and entertainment venues.
However, my concern is that a guest post about Destin would be a little too cheerful, a little too bright. The transition from one of my posts about wrongful convictions or one of Clark's posts about the impending overthrow of the United States government into a post about sunny Destin might be abrupt and jarring for our readers. So I was thinking: could your top-notch writer start the guest post with something ugly and sordid and low about Destin, and then ease in to the nice things? Like maybe if someone recently found a vacationing podiatrist from Duluth dead in the jacuzzi at the Hyatt and there was some unpleasantness, you could start with that, and with a discussion of what a pain in the ass it is to drain the jacuzzi so the water doesn't taste like dead podiatrist any more, and then you could segue naturally from there into Destin's beaches and pool opportunities and famous umbrellaed drinks and thus-and-such. That would be easier on our readers. Some of of them don't deal well with change, Dorothy, I don't mind telling you.
Anyway, I look forward to hearing from you again, and learning more about the pony-free beaches of Destin.
Very truly yours,
EDITED TO ADD
My dear Dorothy:
May I quote what you said to me, Dorothy?
"You need not to worry about pony-related recreation. Destin is pony free."
There was a time when I could believe, Dorothy. There was a time when I had faith. There was a time when I had trust.
This is not that time.
I should have seen your crafty wordsmithing, Dorothy. I should have seen that "you need not to worry about pony-related recreation" might simply mean that the ponies would be upon me without warning and that my end would be swift. I should have seen that, rather than "pony-free," you wrote "pony free," smugly signalling a place where ponies obey no law of God nor man.
You deceived me, Dorothy. I choose to look at this as a learning experience.
Game on, Dorothy.
Last 5 posts by Ken White
- Sorry, Melissa - July 20th, 2014
- "Crisis Manager" Xavier Hermosillo Shrewdly Defuses Immigration Tumult By Threatening Cartoonist - July 16th, 2014
- Gleeful Troll Todd Kincannon Files First Amendment Suit Against South Carolina Attorney Authorities - July 15th, 2014
- Warrants: Bulwark Of Liberty, Or Paper Shield? - July 15th, 2014
- Monday Schadenfreupdates (Now Updated!) - July 14th, 2014