Ken Matherne Tells Techdirt That Law is Law, Consequences Will Never Be The Same

Law, WTF?

Last week, I described my affectionate correspondence with Ken Matherne of the Global Wildlife Center of Folsom, Louisiana. Mr. Matherne — incensed about a 2010 post I wrote about his defamation suit against a satirical website, informed me that, among other things, (a) I am libel, (b) his airplane is only 10k per hour, (c) his executives has all authority to go until all is done, (d) he doesn't care if I have boyfriends on the side, (e) he is prepared to dp me and have my spouses in dispositions, and so forth.

Mike Masnick at Techdirt picked up on the story and wrote about it. Apparently this did not please Mr. Matherne. Today I see from Techdirt that Mr. Matherne has been writing them, as well. He still has a way with words:

you are saved and wait for me!

What state are you registered in? And if any of your two companies are affiliated – we should start to proceed. My daughter asked me not to last night. But after you new post — I am coming!

Law is the Law !

So take my foundation down out of your harmful and malice posts or I will spend the next 20 years of my life, with every appeal, and every court to see justice.

I think the world would be a better place if more people experienced Mr. Matherne's wisdom. Therefore I declare a Popehat meme-poster contest. Create images incorporating Mr. Matherene's best phrases.

I will choose a winner by some method dictated by my taste for autocracy, and will donate $100 in the winner's name to a charity that supports the First Amendment. I will also send the winner a copy of Greg Lukianoff's excellent book "Unlearning Liberty," which I shall autograph despite not having written it, because I am mentioned in it. I will also draw a picture of a pony on the flyleaf, or have my six-year-old assistant do so.

All that can be yours.

Entry by tipster Pete.  Thanks, Pete!

Entry by tipster Pete. Thanks, Pete!

Last 5 posts by Ken White

109 Comments

109 Comments

  1. TexasAndroid  •  Mar 6, 2013 @1:34 pm

    I'll likely never know, and am likely giving myself too much credit, but I have to wonder about the timing, given that I linked to the TechDirt post in the comments of PopeHat's original post yesterday afternoon, and then in the wee AM hours of today this all happens. So I'm left wondering if my link was when led Mr Ken M. to the TechDirt post. As I said, I'll likely never know, but the timing is enough to make me go Hmmm.

  2. Shannon  •  Mar 6, 2013 @1:34 pm

    Did you use the "Dead Yourself" App on that giraffe?

  3. tsrblke  •  Mar 6, 2013 @1:38 pm

    My daughter asked me not to last night. But after you new post — I am coming!

    I just…what?

    Let's go ahead and not worry about the humor in that wonderfully constructed…erg…thing.
    But by his own admission his daughter (who he said in his writings to Ken he was doing this on behalf of) has asked "not to" (which I read as "stop" and/or "do not continue this." And yet he is.
    If find this strange.
    Also I don't have access to my mememaker right now at work, but I claim "Judge Dredd" with "Law is Law" written on it ;).

  4. Shawn  •  Mar 6, 2013 @1:39 pm

    Hopefully TechDirt will sue you guys along side Mr. Matherne. Because if it wasn't for you, they wouldn't have started a conspiracy. How many people have to be libel before you're satisified?!

  5. TexasAndroid  •  Mar 6, 2013 @1:47 pm

    Someone should somehow use both the "Law is Law" quote from KM and the classic "The Law is an ass" quote from Oliver Twist. Not sure myself the best way to synergize the two quotes, so I'll just leave the idea out there for someone else to pick up on.

  6. Bill  •  Mar 6, 2013 @1:49 pm

    One hopes Mr. Matherne's lawyer has a sufficiency of hand puppets laying around to illustrate just why it would not be a good idea to bring out the lawhammer, at a level Mr. Matherne can understand.

  7. John Ammon  •  Mar 6, 2013 @1:50 pm

    Bwahahaha, Awesomesauce. Let the snorting of taints commence!

  8. Blah  •  Mar 6, 2013 @1:50 pm

    I'm genuinely appalled by his utter inability to complete a single reasonable sentence in what is presumably his native tongue.

  9. Joe Schmoe  •  Mar 6, 2013 @1:55 pm

    (e) he is prepared to dp me

    That's not something that he can do by his self

  10. Wilhelm Arcturus  •  Mar 6, 2013 @2:03 pm

    I am trying to work out how to work Patti LaBelle into "You are Libel!!!"

  11. Caudex  •  Mar 6, 2013 @2:13 pm

    That. Giraffe. It is horrible. I have wandered the internet wastes for many a year. I have delved 4Chan. I have braved TheMacUser, ChurchofFudge, LemonParty, and many more. But that giraffe. It will haunt me. Until my dying day.

  12. Will Albenzi  •  Mar 6, 2013 @2:18 pm

    I have a feeling that this is sadder than we realize. I suspect that there is some sort of traumatic brain injury or dementia at play. He is no longer an officer, but is a figurehead, "president of the advisory board". I imagine his loving daughter trying to prevent him from embarrassing himself and him creeping out to the computer in the dead of night and sending those messages…

    I would just like to ask that we first be sure that, as a community, we make sure that we are not spending time mocking a disabled person.

  13. Lizard  •  Mar 6, 2013 @2:19 pm

    I dunno. There's a part of me, the part that's been online since 1989, that does pattern recognition in a way I cannot consciously describe (much like porn, "I know it when I see it."), that says these letters are trolling of the highest order. I wish I could articulate the exact things that are setting off my little "Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!" warning buzzers, but these sorts of things, by definition, don't have flowcharts.

  14. Pete  •  Mar 6, 2013 @2:20 pm

    @Shannon – Yes, used the Dead Yourself app.

  15. En Passant  •  Mar 6, 2013 @2:22 pm

    Blah wrote Mar 6, 2013 @1:50 pm:

    … in what is presumably his native tongue.
    Rebuttable presumption.

    Bienvenue en Louisiane.

  16. Leigh Beadon  •  Mar 6, 2013 @2:24 pm

    My humble submission:

    http://i.imgur.com/oa9S9C3.png

  17. Lizard  •  Mar 6, 2013 @2:24 pm

    @JoeSchmoe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXIUIaszkAY (Does not contain porn. *Does* contain Joe Haldeman singing.)

  18. En Passant  •  Mar 6, 2013 @2:27 pm

    Er, HTML is obviously not my native tongue, so:

    Blah wrote Mar 6, 2013 @1:50 pm:

    … in what is presumably his native tongue.

    Rebuttable presumption.

    Bienvenue en Louisiane.

  19. JNevill  •  Mar 6, 2013 @2:35 pm
  20. Bear  •  Mar 6, 2013 @2:37 pm

    Given the source material, I went for surreal.

    And giraffes.

    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=120689054783041

  21. naught_for_naught  •  Mar 6, 2013 @2:43 pm

    My humble submission:
    http://i.imgur.com/8bXg84x.png

  22. Joe G  •  Mar 6, 2013 @2:44 pm

    http://imgur.com/EUXe69M

    I've always been a fan of "cats with glowing eyes."

  23. Ken  •  Mar 6, 2013 @2:45 pm

    @Will:

    To investigate that, I tracked down the attorney who represented the Global Wildlife Center in the 2010 defamation suit, and left a message inquiring whether he still represents them. Once I speak with him, I anticipate inquiring whether or not Mr. Matherne is authorized to make legal threats on behalf of the Center, since it is unclear to me from Mr. Matherne's correspondence whether he is purporting to do so or not. Perhaps that will shed some light.

  24. naught_for_naught  •  Mar 6, 2013 @2:48 pm

    >Leigh Beadon

    You're going to hell…laughing, but you're going to hell.

  25. mojo  •  Mar 6, 2013 @3:04 pm

    Zombie Giraffe? Oh, great another CAUSE OF ACTION!

  26. urbantravels  •  Mar 6, 2013 @3:06 pm

    Not quoted here, but included in the email he sent that is posted on Techdirt: "Gentlemen, I only requested you do the right thing. Now you make the decision. And never use the word that I threaten you. I have been kind and upset, but I would never threaten anyone.

    "I never raised my voice to my wife. I don't care of your back ground – but through investigation and depositions, I will know each and everyone one of you."

    Frankly, at this point I'm worried about both the (ex-) wife and the daughter.

  27. jdh  •  Mar 6, 2013 @3:06 pm

    I look forward to your conversation with the attorney. Much like Will, I'm afraid that this may be a senile dementia issue – or something similar. If so, instead of being funny (and it *is* hilarious) it becomes tragically sad.

  28. Merissa  •  Mar 6, 2013 @3:09 pm

    "We should start to proceed" is my new favorite phrase.

  29. David  •  Mar 6, 2013 @3:19 pm

    i'm going to just set this here and tiptoe away:

    http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3t9ld2/

  30. Ken  •  Mar 6, 2013 @3:24 pm

    @David: that just caused me to stream Caffeine Free Diet Coke through my nose.

    You will be hearing from my executives.

  31. Tim  •  Mar 6, 2013 @3:38 pm

    Well, I want to play, but I don't want to put much effort into it either… Maybe I can put in a better effort later.

    http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3t9lr1/

  32. Tim Cushing  •  Mar 6, 2013 @3:41 pm

    And @David, I'll just set THIS here:

    http://memegenerator.net/instance/35800790

  33. Aaron W  •  Mar 6, 2013 @3:42 pm

    I mean, really, how can you not?

    http://qkme.me/3t9lur

  34. Tim  •  Mar 6, 2013 @3:43 pm

    Okay. I lied, the scumbag that I am.

    http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3t9lvi/

  35. Tim Cushing  •  Mar 6, 2013 @4:09 pm
  36. darius404  •  Mar 6, 2013 @4:12 pm

    I considered this for inspiration:

    We are going to dp this all legal

    but decided it was best to have standards.

  37. JR  •  Mar 6, 2013 @4:14 pm

    The apparent emotion of these e-mails keeps puling me to that phone conversation from Taken. Oddly, there wasn't much editing to do.

  38. Aaron W  •  Mar 6, 2013 @4:16 pm

    Yeah, last one. Until I read his emails again, at least.

    http://qkme.me/3t9mj2

  39. Dan J  •  Mar 6, 2013 @4:27 pm

    I had to have a go at it, Rowdy style! http://moby.to/lhce0r

  40. Josh C  •  Mar 6, 2013 @4:30 pm
  41. Josh C  •  Mar 6, 2013 @4:33 pm

    Does "inspired by" count?
    http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3t9mw7/

  42. Tali McPike  •  Mar 6, 2013 @4:35 pm
  43. Tali McPike  •  Mar 6, 2013 @4:39 pm

    I guess I shouldn't have put them all in one post (Ken, et al, will you kindly fish my long list of submissions out of the spam filter)

    And one more:

    http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3t9mzn/

  44. JustSomeGuy  •  Mar 6, 2013 @4:47 pm

    I have to wonder how long it'll be before someone contacts Nancy Ruiz, since she's listed as their Public Relations person for Global Wildlife Group under their filing, for comment…

  45. Josh C  •  Mar 6, 2013 @4:56 pm
  46. Josh C  •  Mar 6, 2013 @5:06 pm

    Humph. Tali is better at this. Time to go crit-fishing.

    http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3t9njg/

  47. babaganusz  •  Mar 6, 2013 @5:12 pm

    between David's Business Cat, Tim C's Quixote and Tali's Plotting Raccoon takes, i'm quitting while i'm behind. this shit takes practice of which i am devoid.

  48. Josh C  •  Mar 6, 2013 @5:12 pm
  49. Josh C  •  Mar 6, 2013 @5:18 pm
  50. Tali McPike  •  Mar 6, 2013 @5:32 pm

    Ok, I couldn't resist, one more:

    http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3t9o1l/

  51. Josh C  •  Mar 6, 2013 @5:37 pm

    Latin is a classy language
    http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3t9o6d/

  52. Rhymes With Right  •  Mar 6, 2013 @5:44 pm

    One cartoonish legal thug deserves another! http://rhymeswithright.mu.nu/archives/images/judgematherne.jpg

  53. Josh C  •  Mar 6, 2013 @5:52 pm

    Brilliant.

    I'm still trying
    http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3t9oev/

  54. Josh C  •  Mar 6, 2013 @6:03 pm
  55. Tim Cushing  •  Mar 6, 2013 @6:17 pm

    @babaganusz – I think @Leigh Beadon already has this contest nailed down, almost literally.

  56. Collin  •  Mar 6, 2013 @6:35 pm

    Ken's been watching too much Judge Dredd…

    http://i.imgur.com/38HEOGu.jpg

  57. goober  •  Mar 6, 2013 @6:36 pm

    Is it just me or is the dp quote just the bees knees?

  58. Collin  •  Mar 6, 2013 @6:38 pm

    @Rhymes With Right: nice one, I didn't look at existing posts XD

  59. Rhymes With Right  •  Mar 6, 2013 @6:40 pm

    That happens, Collin

  60. Merissa  •  Mar 6, 2013 @6:57 pm
  61. Merissa  •  Mar 6, 2013 @7:03 pm

    Tim's last one keeps making me giggle uncontrollably IRL. Damn you, 5-Hour Energy.

  62. MattS  •  Mar 6, 2013 @7:52 pm
  63. Tali McPike  •  Mar 6, 2013 @8:24 pm

    I'm surprised no one has used Phoenix Wright yet. Thus, I must remedy this with pretty much the only two quotes I haven't done yet.

    http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3t9rfk/

    http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3t9rhf/

  64. Leigh Beadon  •  Mar 6, 2013 @8:35 pm

    Upon seeing the competition, I felt that an improved edition was called for:

    http://i.imgur.com/4YhLf8F.png

  65. Tali McPike  •  Mar 6, 2013 @8:39 pm

    (I did it again, sorry :/ I didn't think 2 links would trigger the spam filter)

    Anyways, here is a alternate version of of my first Phoenix Wright one (once its fished out of the spam filter)

    http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3t9rqa/

  66. Tali McPike  •  Mar 6, 2013 @8:41 pm

    Leigh: LOVE IT!

  67. Ken  •  Mar 6, 2013 @8:56 pm

    You people are very funny.

  68. Tali McPike  •  Mar 6, 2013 @9:03 pm

    So Ken, who wins?

    No, I'm not at all competitive, why do you ask?

    (although in all honesty I did this just for fun, I honestly don't care about winning)

  69. Will  •  Mar 6, 2013 @9:08 pm
  70. Joe D.  •  Mar 6, 2013 @9:13 pm

    What is the law, really?

    http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3t9shk/

  71. Tali McPike  •  Mar 6, 2013 @9:23 pm

    @Will Loving the Kanye one!

  72. G Thompson  •  Mar 6, 2013 @9:26 pm

    Damn, too many things to do can't make picture.. Instead sit back and imagine a Ceiling giraffe looking down at a room with a monkey at a computer with the caption.

    "The law is the law is watching you law"

  73. Joe D.  •  Mar 6, 2013 @9:29 pm

    Ok, let's try this again. With one that HASN'T been used yet.

    http://yfrog.com/gvmo4aj

  74. Neal Hoffman  •  Mar 6, 2013 @9:42 pm
  75. Neal Hoffman  •  Mar 6, 2013 @9:51 pm
  76. bkd69  •  Mar 6, 2013 @9:52 pm
  77. Tali McPike  •  Mar 6, 2013 @10:28 pm

    @Neal LOVE LOVE LOVE the Batman one

  78. Seth  •  Mar 6, 2013 @11:47 pm

    For another good laugh, go to his site:

    http://www.globalwildlife.com/

    Go to "View page source" and scroll down. Someone has hacked his site and inserted payday loan links. They're invisible on the page and are supposed to drive up the Google rank for the linked page.

    I think Techdirt was the first site to notice it.

  79. Merissa  •  Mar 7, 2013 @12:00 am

    Hmm, I should replace Beyoncé with a scrap metal giraffe statue.

  80. Mister Bile  •  Mar 7, 2013 @1:25 am

    http://img607.imageshack.us/img607/1042/houseofken.jpg

    I hope it's worth getting Oingo-Boingo stuck in my head for the rest of the night.

  81. David  •  Mar 7, 2013 @6:54 am

    LOVING these. and you're welcome for the free sinus cola-cleansing, Ken.

  82. Marnie  •  Mar 7, 2013 @8:13 am

    Dis-board maybe a too obvious choice for a win, but I thought I'd try. http://bit.ly/16bkMj7

  83. Marnie  •  Mar 7, 2013 @8:19 am

    Oops, posted in the wrong thread. I meant to post this here. A little adventure time for fun.

    http://bit.ly/WMJC1Z

  84. Dan  •  Mar 7, 2013 @8:27 am

    Am I too late for the contest?

    http://i.imgur.com/vHwCFMJ.jpg

  85. Dan  •  Mar 7, 2013 @8:36 am

    From the bad joke department: http://i.imgur.com/NnzNdo1.jpg

  86. tsrblke  •  Mar 7, 2013 @8:58 am

    Well, I feel bad for this now, because there are obviously so many betters.
    But: http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3t9z1a/

  87. Howard  •  Mar 7, 2013 @10:23 am

    Giving credit where credit is due…

  88. Howard  •  Mar 7, 2013 @10:23 am
  89. Thomas  •  Mar 7, 2013 @10:37 am

    I gave it the old college try:

    http://imgur.com/ukplI9B

  90. Thomas  •  Mar 7, 2013 @10:49 am
  91. JNevill  •  Mar 7, 2013 @11:19 am

    This is too much fun. Had to do another… ghostbuster's style:

    http://qkme.me/3ta184

  92. Trevor  •  Mar 7, 2013 @11:37 am

    I'm not sure why this quote hasn't been more popular:

    http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3ta1aw/

  93. Clark  •  Mar 7, 2013 @4:05 pm

    > I will have one of your partners, associates , friends , spouses, in dispositions for the at least the next 6 – 12 months.

    Hell, I've been in a disposition for over 40 years now. It sucks.

  94. Clark  •  Mar 7, 2013 @4:47 pm

    @Will Albenzi:

    I have a feeling that this is sadder than we realize. I suspect that there is some sort of traumatic brain injury or dementia at play. He is no longer an officer, but is a figurehead, "president of the advisory board". I imagine his loving daughter trying to prevent him from embarrassing himself and him creeping out to the computer in the dead of night and sending those messages…

    I would just like to ask that we first be sure that, as a community, we make sure that we are not spending time mocking a disabled person.

    This has been bugging me too.

    I dealt with an old nut like this once, and his son later told me that he'd been going down hill for a while, and his judgement was no longer what it once had been.

    I still feel bad about my internet slap down of that guy.

    I've got three entries above, but I'm going to log into the control panel and moderate them for now.

    I think it's far too likely that this guy is slightly off his rocker, and not in a fun "let's make fun of the bully" way, but in an "oh, shit, maybe we're the bullies" way.

  95. goblinbee  •  Mar 7, 2013 @5:26 pm
  96. Merissa  •  Mar 7, 2013 @5:58 pm

    @tsrblke: FTW!

  97. Dan  •  Mar 7, 2013 @6:21 pm

    As I've read Mr. Matherne's epistles I started to suspect he was not only insane but possibly both drunk and a non-native English speaker. Then I remembered similar utterances from current events, and I think I've figured it out: Ken Matherne is actually Kim Jung-un. It all suddently makes sense: nonsensical, utterly irrational belligerence in broken English? That's got Kim^3 written all over it!

  98. Chris R.  •  Mar 7, 2013 @7:52 pm

    After discussing the matter with someone tonight I have to agree with the episode devolving into sadness. No matter how many hours he can fly his plane for, or the fact that he seems to truly care about his daughter, he isn't capable of solving his own inner turmoil.

  99. Myk  •  Mar 8, 2013 @4:09 am
  100. CWuestefeld  •  Mar 8, 2013 @8:53 am

    My vote is for Mister Bile's Moreau meme. What really does it for me is how subtly he fit the giraffe into the middle of the crowd.

  101. John Thinkishness  •  Mar 8, 2013 @2:27 pm

    Ok, I'm not very graphically inclined, so flickr commons picture + walking dead app =

    http://www.imagesup.net/?di=13136277800816

  102. Piper  •  Mar 8, 2013 @10:01 pm

    Where's a Kriminal Sopena when you need one???

  103. Amy Alkon  •  Mar 8, 2013 @11:54 pm

    Wish I had time. I need a pony.

  104. Hal  •  Mar 9, 2013 @10:08 am

    I'm no artist. But a few minutes with gimp…

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/93915005@N04/8541502217/

  105. tsrblke  •  Mar 9, 2013 @10:44 am

    I'd like to put this image with the "we are going to dp this all legal" but sadly can't find a big enough picture:
    http://yunno.com/Data/Mid/Engagement/24b84-When-Giraffes-attack.jpg

  106. AlphaCentauri  •  Mar 9, 2013 @12:41 pm

    Thanks to iphonetextgenerator.com:

    http://imageshack.us/a/img194/3229/textmessage.png

  107. Dan  •  Mar 9, 2013 @1:50 pm

    Dammit AlphaCentauri for letting me know that site existed. I'm trying to work today…

  108. AlphaCentauri  •  Mar 9, 2013 @6:11 pm

    @Dan, then definitely don't visit damnyouautocorrect.com ;)

  109. Nate  •  Mar 10, 2013 @4:02 am

    Hey, he learnt how to spell 'depositions' since his email conversation with Ken. I think that tells us something, I'm just not entirely sure what (considering the rest is word salad).

    Loving these meme's, think my fave is the team on team one, that's perfect.