Progress Kentucky: Vigilant Against Every Type of Alien Threat

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46 Responses

  1. CourtneyLee says:

    If that's your daughter, she must get away with murder because those dimples are killer. I feel like I need to sign over my life savings to her lest she deploy them in my direction.

  2. Delvan says:

    They don't *have* to be aliens. Nothing screams "pernicious evil" better than an ancient race of superintelligent sentient scorpions.

  3. Kat says:

    That is the cutest little girl I have ever seen, and she makes my forehead feel better after all that facepalming.

  4. rmv says:

    @Delvan

    Wrong. Lizard People

  5. Tali McPike says:

    All I have to say is that you have an adorable daughter, Ken.

  6. Kathryn says:

    That is one adorable child…wait… what was the rest of the article again? What does she think I'm supposed to say about it?

  7. Xenocles says:

    You'd best take that picture down before The Onion uses her to satirize a third party.

  8. princessartemis says:

    You have one good looking kid there, Ken. Her eyes and dimples could lay waste to millions just with the sheer power of cute. No wonder Progress Kentucky is afraid!

  9. Narad says:

    Citing anything hosted by Jeff Rense is effectively an invocation of a direct corollary of Scopie's law.

  10. Dan Weber says:

    Poe's Law is strong.

  11. C. S. P. Schofield says:

    I do get soooooo tired of the anti-immigrant animus of some segments of the right. I've read enough older documents to have seen it with the blank spaces in the template filled in with "Irish" and "German", and it never really changes much.

    On the other hand, the "let them all come, and we'll jigger the laws so that they can enjoy the benefits of being ruled by their Betters (us) (sotto voice but we won't actually CHANGE the laws so that they could come in LEGALLY, because then they wouldn't need us)" attitude I get from a lot of the Left is, if anything, worse.

  12. John David Galt says:

    This would be funny if no one really believed the myth that "evil people are poisoning our food for profit." But in fact, a huge number of people do believe it. Those believers started the "organic"/"natural"/"health" food movement back in the '70s, and still account for most of its sales (even though, amusingly, the "organic" food industry is now close to 100% owned by the same large food-processing companies that the myth says are poisoning us).

    So I think you have committed a faux pas comparable to the Onion's "cunt" tweet.

  13. Ancel De Lambert says:

    If there's one thing I despise, it's a narrative underestimating the capabilities of humanity. That was the overriding problem with the Percy Jackson series and everything that guy puts out; it states flat out that the only people capable of anything are the children of the gods. Everybody else is just sitting around eating their boogers. Fuck your evil aliens, humans are easily capable of insanity, that's kind of the point of it being insane.

  14. C. S. P. Schofield says:

    John David Gault;

    Organic; anything that contains carbon.

    Natural; Arsenic is natural. Botulism is natural. For Great Apes like us, sitting around picking fleas off of our relatives is natural. So is infanticide followed by forcible rape.

    *ptui* on Organic and Natural.

    Want to impress me? Show me an inorganic and unnatural banana.

  15. En Passant says:

    John David Galt wrote Feb 26, 2013 @8:33 pm:

    Those believers started the "organic"/"natural"/"health" food movement back in the '70s, and still account for most of its sales (even though, amusingly, the "organic" food industry is now close to 100% owned by the same large food-processing companies that the myth says are poisoning us).

    That's what makes the conspiracy so insidious.

    I protected myself for a while by using only pure organic salt. But it's getting harder to find. They control the world market.

    They'll stop at nothing to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids. That's why I'm sticking with nothing but pure grain alcohol and distilled water these days.

  16. Terry Towels says:

    Some revelations from ethnic sensitivity training I received way back when I was working:

    Many black, asian, and mexican people have been in the US longer than those immigrants from europe. It's funny to see the faces of the racist folks who are descendants of immigrants from the 1850s to 1890s when this is explained to them. Nouveau amurcans!

    By the way, if that picture is of your daughter, you in trouble when she starts to date!

  17. C. S. P. Schofield says:

    Terry Towels,

    As Eleanor Roosevelt said to the DAR "Fellow descendants of immigrants…."

  18. Anony Mouse says:

    These things are being done by the same cold, calculating pernicious evil that has controlled the course of events on this planet for thousands and thousands of years

    Thousands? Buncha johnny-come-latelies. Great Cthulhu's been here for millions! Ia!

  19. Delvan says:

    @Anony Mouse: Yeah, but he's been chilling sleeping in undeath for the last few millenia, which is how the shapeshifting lizard people rmv referenced have been able to rule Earth unopposed.

    Oh, @rmv: I deliberately invented those scorpions to help relieve my mind of considering the depressing number of people who actually do think there is a secret society of shapeshifting lizard people ruling the planet.

    (M'lords, I've handled the leak and defused the situation, see you boys back on KAR-5B)

  20. Korsgaard says:

    Now I'm all curious about what the "zio-satanic" conspiracy is all about…

    (and of course, the obligatory: cute kid)

  21. Narad says:

    This would be funny if no one really believed the myth that "evil people are poisoning our food for profit." But in fact, a huge number of people do believe it. Those believers started the "organic"/"natural"/"health" food movement back in the '70s, and still account for most of its sales

    Um, no. You're trying to conflate the anti-GMO tinfoil-hat crowd with the back-to-the-land crowd and failing even to address the Steinerite biodynamicists. It is a primitive attempt at a summary, to say the least.

  22. Damon says:

    Now we have PROOF Ken, PROOF that you are one of THEM!

    :)

  23. Damian P. says:

    These things are being done by the same cold, calculating pernicious evil that has controlled the course of events on this planet for thousands and thousands of years

    JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!!!!!!!

  24. AlphaCentauri says:

    Part of the paranoia is the food producers' attempts at restricting the free speech of producers who don't use GMO foods/milk produced using BGH etc. Consumers have no problem buying GMO foods when they're superior, like Ilini Xtra Sweet Corn or Candylopes. But states seriously pass laws saying that food can't be labelled as not having been produced with BGH or GMO. It's obviously unconstitutional, so when people see laws like that actually get passed, they wonder what the motivation of the legislators and governors involved is.

    If suddenly your kid can't bring peanut butter sandwiches in her lunch because so many kids at her school have life threatening allergies, despite the fact that all of us spent our childhoods with hands smeared with peanut butter and we never heard of a single case of allergy, people feel like maybe we should be able to know the names of the varieties of peanut cultivars in the jar.

  25. Dan Weber says:

    Relevant XKCD on labeling: http://xkcd.com/641/

  26. Patrick says:

    I'd have more respect for them if they'd spoken out against the Mutant, and the Heretic.

    It's easy for political people to posture against the Alien. The Alien is recognizably different. But the Mutant, and the Heretic, why they could be anyone.

    The price of Empire is eternal vigilance against the Alien, the Mutant, and the Heretic.

  27. Tern says:

    Burn the heretic. Kill the mutant. Purge the unclean.

  28. JRM says:

    Couldn't get on their site yesterday or today, but per WaPo, they also have repeatedly suggested that McConnell is gay.

    Actually, I can see why I can't get on: Alien interference. No, that's silly.

    Obviously, it's Chinese hackers. When the Chinese can infiltrate as children and get their non-Chinese parents to buy products from China, there's really nothing they can't do. (To quote South Park: "They took arrr jobs.")

  29. Charles says:

    Goddamn it, CSP, you got my hopes up. Progress Kentucky isn't a conservative group. They are my supposed allies on the left.

  30. Caudex says:

    @Tern, @Patrick
    Blind servants of a corpse god! Your dead Emperor cares naught for your suffering, for your death! Only the living gods of the Warp are truly merciful. Grandfather Nurgle wraps all in his loving embrace. Slaanesh, lord-lady of pleasure, stretches his-her bliss forth to you. Khorne, seated upon his Throne of Skulls, asks only for blood. Tzeentch, the Changer of Ways, offers his gifts to us all. But you reject their overtures, turning instead to your dead god on a golden throne. Embrace Chaos. It is a good pain!

  31. Dictatortot says:

    See? This is why the head of Zardoz is needed, and can't arrive soon enough far as I'm concerned.

  32. Mitch says:

    I really hate the fact that Progress Kentucky are attacking McConnell for racist reasons using racist imagery.

    To paraphrase Ken in another context, it is as if Progress Kentucky were repelled by McConnell like all sentient beings should be, and then picked the stupidest possible basis to express their opposition. There are so many really good reasons to attack McConnell, particularly from the left (although Redstate appears to have no use for him either). But now, because Progress Kentucky have elected to make the stupidest, most ham-handed racist attack that I could imagine, it really is incumbent of all on the left to wash our hands of Progress Kentucky.

    Shame on Progress Kentucky.

  33. Tarrou says:

    Might I just comment that the thought behind the racism is typically ass-backwards? What possible motive could a Taiwanese-American have for shipping jobs to China? Isn't the whole point of Taiwan that they don't like the PRC? To paraphrase Hitchen, the one thing a racist can never manage is real discrimination.

  34. rmv says:

    @Delvan

    *taps nose*

  35. Deadly Laigrek says:

    Your daughter is. THE. MOST. ADORABLE.

  36. Fnord says:

    I was getting all worked up and angry. And then D'AWW CUTE OVERLOAD.

  37. Dictatortot says:

    I hate kids, Ken, but you're really testing me here.

  38. naught_for_naught says:

    It's news like this that feeds these fears: http://onion.com/WigEfs

  39. Paul Taylor says:

    Funny that even Progress Kentucky won't talk about

  40. warren says:

    @Tarrou Taiwan would be happy to see economic growth in PRC if it leads to reunification under a Nationalist government.

  41. En Passant says:

    Fnord wrote Feb 27, 2013 @2:11 pm:

    I was getting all worked up and angry. And then D'AWW CUTE OVERLOAD.

    Be careful. You are perilously close to revealing their sekrit weapon. Whoever "they" are.

    What do you think the "C-squared" in "E = MC-squared" means anyhow? I'll tell you what — it's Cute Children.

    Properly stated, Einstein revealed that Empire is the product of Massively Cute Children.

  42. Narad says:

    Properly stated, Einstein revealed that Empire is the product of Massively Cute Children.

    You need to take into account the momentum term in the relativistic formulation.

  43. En Passant says:

    Narad wrote Feb 28, 2013 @10:08 pm:

    You need to take into account the momentum term in the relativistic formulation.

    I was told this forum does not require PC terms.

  44. mojo says:

    Last pic: isn't that "The Dragon" from "Balls of Fire"?