I bullied Ken

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David Byron

David Byron is a software developer working for the military-industrial complex. At Popehat, he writes about art, language, theater (mostly magic), technology, lyrics, and aleatory ephemera. Serious or satirical poetry spontaneously overflows from him while he's recollecting in tranquility. @dcbyron

23 Responses

  1. Lago says:

    I know you're trying to make some kind of ulterior lesson here for your actions, but this post is steeped in shame. You were clearly driven to post this after Ken's last post out of sheer guilt.

    Let's be honest though, Ken deserved it. It's not like you were mean to him for no reason. He was just asking for it. If anything, he should be ashamed for trying so hard to make you feel guilty. He's the one who made his little passive aggressive rant on a public blog, one that he knows you frequent, right? So let's keep our heads here, you punched him once or twice for being fresh and getting you in trouble, big deal. Now you have to deal with the emotional trauma and probably need to see a psychiatrist, all because this guy has to dredge up some childish misgivings and guilt trip you for some stuff you forgot you did 30 years ago. What a little prick.

  2. John_Barleycorn says:

    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Azmjz60p2uQ

    Eat dirt Ken. Might be a good thing.

    Sleep

  3. Dan Irving says:

    I have no retort but I give thee Invictus by William Ernest Henley and illustrated by Gav @ Zen Pencils.

  4. Shane says:

    And I think ultimately the bully is the one that will resort to physical violence to show the victim the error of his/her ways. THIS is the thing that makes us as human beings so disgraceful. And anyone that is the victim of bullying will always ask "why can I not hold my thoughts and beliefs without you to me"?

    This is bullying, and it is always accompanied by self-righteous

  5. Shane says:

    bah … should read

    "why can I not hold my thoughts and beliefs without you doing [insert physical violence] to me"?

  6. NRG says:

    Speechless.

    I must have been Ken in a reverse parallel universe.

  7. En Passant says:

    David wrote:

    (Hey, Ken. How's the opera fan? Have you been getting cozy with the tutti frutti?)

    Yeah, he's a fan. Pick on somebody your own size. I mean, cross my heart, I really did know a guy who bullied Yehudi Menuhin when they were kids in SF.

    He owned a downmarket clothing and shoe store in East Palo Alto in the 1960s and 1970s. He was a real charmer, as obnoxious loudmouths go.

    His taunt: "Yehudi! Yehudi! With a name like that you've gotta be fruity!"

  8. mojo says:

    I always found that a lesson on manners, punctuated by a punch in the mouth, worked wonders.

  9. David says:

    You can't have pizzicato without pizza!

  10. naught_for_naught says:

    Sure. Blame the victim.

  11. shg says:

    You bullied Ken because it made you feel like less of a worthless pussy to pretend there was someone even worse than you. It's just human nature, pathetic as it may be.

    But of course, now that you are older, wiser and in far better control of your psychological needs, you already know this and are just screwing with Ken and us here.

  12. John Kindley says:

    I suspect, though I don't know, that, judging by his subsequent accomplishments and enviable panache as demonstrated on this site, the bullying of Ken had less to do with his playing D&D and more to do with his evident excellence in what sounds like a very competitive high school environment.

    I also suspect I wouldn't have been cool enough to be in Ken's D&D group.

  13. Ken says:

    You could play an elf.

  14. Doctor Mead says:

    Is this satire? For the love of God let this be satire.

    *and the bulling-survivor crawls into her cave to recover*

  15. princessartemis says:

    Doctor Mead, it's tagged "Dada", and that seems like a good frame of reference for understanding what is written.

  16. wgering says:

    All the cool kids play gnomes.

  17. jb says:

    Regarding bullying, one thing I have noticed is that the people who say "I'm being bullied" tend to be bullies themselves complaining about how people are standing up to them. People who are really being bulled tend to say "He hit me/stole my lunch money/pantsed me/etc," and are specific about what was done to them.

    Anyone have thoughts on why that is?

  18. Scott Ruplin says:

    You took his Monster Manual? Oh that's cold, especially if it was the Uber cool original hardcover version from 1979.

  19. Lucy says:

    Someone please give David a few more drinks, so we can hear his other tells that only come out on such an occasion.

    I love this post.

  20. David says:

    Thanks, Lu. My drink of choice is Armagnac.

  21. max says:

    I too was bully, but I neither bullied physically nor verbally. I actually wasn't even present when I bullied people. I changed schools in the 4th grade and some of my 'friends' (and possibly my younger brother) made up a story about how I nearly killed someone and got sent away. They used the story to threaten other kids with sending me after them and got quite a bit of mileage out of it. Fast forward to first day of high school (parochial school which drew students from a variety of other schools) and on the first day I approach someone from my old school to say hi – he looks at me and sucker punches me in the stomach. This was the old technique taught about how to handle a bully, a truly horrible idea for if I actually had been a bully I would have spent the next four years of high school making his life intolerable while ensuring he never caught me off-guard. Eventually, by persistent questioning, I discovered that for years while not present I had been bullying in absentia a fair number of people my old school.

    No question that under some of the modern bullying laws based upon the perception of the bullied, I would be guilty of bullying even though I myself had no contact with them.

  22. Careless says:

    Hey, there's only one poster here who get the "this is so insanely stupid, why do they let him post" reaction. And you are not that guy.