In Which A Marketeer Throws Her Clients Under The Pony

Law Practice

Hi!

My name is Katie and I am contacting you to see if you would be interested in a guest or sponsored blog post regarding car accident or personal injury lawyers on your site (http://www.popehat.com/). If you are interested, I would love to have you or your writers provide the content or I can write the post as well! I can provide you with unique, high quality material and will pay through Paypal. Please let me know how this sounds to you. Thank you!

Best Regards,
Katie

Katie:

Can you identify the site that your guest posts would be linking to or otherwise promoting?

Thank you.

Hi Ken,

Thanks so much for getting back to me. I was either thinking of [actual law firm's web site] or [another actual law firm's web site] if you think that would fit better. Let me know what you think! Thanks again.

Best regards,
Katie

Katie:

Thank you for the swift response.

So, do I understand that you are a marketing professional in the field of social media promotion, and those two firms are clients?

Thanks,

Ken

Hi Ken,

Yes, you are correct and yes, they are. Would you be interested in a post regarding either of them?

Best regards,
Katie

Katie:

I'd be interested in a post about marketing professionals in the field of social media promotion who spam blogs with guest-post solicitations without first checking to see if the blog is remotely appropriate for the marketeers' law firm clients. Say, for example, a post about a marketeer who spams my blog, Popehat, a blog that relentlessly criticizes "legal marketing" like this, and has a popular and long-running series ridiculing inappropriate guest-post solicitations. For example:

http://www.popehat.com/tag/marketing/
http://www.popehat.com/2012/10/08/a-dialogue-with-a-guest-post-spammer/
http://www.popehat.com/2012/09/26/ponies-101-introduction-to-ponies/

The guest post might analyze whether law firms are well served by such marketing, whether they are exercising due diligence in hiring and supervising their marketeers, whether they'd like it if they knew their marketeers promptly give up their names when asked, and whether their marketing strategy reflects well on their reliability as lawyers.

Or ponies. Some kind of post about ponies would be swell.

Very faithfully yours,

Ken
www.popehat.com

Ken,

I will keep that in mind. Although it may seem that I wouldn't, I understand where you're coming from. I think a post on ponies would suffice. Have a nice day.

Best regards,
Katie

The point, gentle readers, is not just that Katie spams my blog for the benefit of her clients. The point is not just that Katie is either auto-spamming some list of blogs without evaluating their suitability, or else has exceedingly bad judgment about what blogs are suitable targets for her spam. The point is not just that Katie, who should have sensed danger immediately, named two clients to a strange blogger.

The point is now a familiar one: as others have said, outsource your marketing, outsource your reputation and your ethics. If you hire some SEO-snake-oil-selling-marketeer without understanding the industry, and asking tough questions of your would-be marketeer, and supervising what they do on your behalf, then some Katie or Katies may be dropping your name in an exceedingly reckless correspondence in a strange (in every sense of the word) blogger. Today I am on the Surfliner to San Diego and in an expansive mood, so I didn't publish the names of the client law firms to humiliate them for being so reckless as to hire one of the Katies of the world. Tomorrow, perhaps I will have slept badly, or my morning gruel will be burnt, or one of my minions will displease me, and I'll name and shame, as we often have before here.

Don't hire a Katie. If you don't understand what a Katie is, and don't feel competent to evaluate your marketeer for Katietude, don't outsource your marketing at all.

Last 5 posts by Ken White

30 Comments

30 Comments

  1. Adam Steinbaugh  •  Dec 17, 2012 @3:48 pm

    This appears to be the closest you've ever gotten to getting someone to write a guest post about ponies. Surely the day is coming.

  2. Ken  •  Dec 17, 2012 @3:50 pm

    Maybe I'm biased. But I like to imagine that after my second email everyone in the audience is yelling at her "DON'T REPLY TO THE EMAIL!" like a midnight crowd at a slasher flick.

  3. Katie's Brother, Flicka  •  Dec 17, 2012 @3:53 pm

    I understand that Katie had offered to write a blog post for you about ponies. I'm afraid that won't be possible, as Katie was mortally wounded in a tragic kiln explosion at pottery class. My dear sister Katie was determined to be brain dead, and I pulled the plug about ten minutes ago.

    Knowing how much you meant to Katie (the last word she uttered was "Popehat"), I'm sure she would feel terrible about disappointing you. I hope you can understand.

  4. John Fast  •  Dec 17, 2012 @4:27 pm

    Hi! My name is JOHN and I am an internet marketing entrepeneur!
    If you hire me, at my reasonable fee of only $USD 500 per day, I and my hand-picked team of internet marketers will use our dozens of hours of experience to carefully NOT submit your firm's name anywhere which is inappropriate. In fact, for a slightly higher fee we will probably not submit your firm's name anywhere at all! Call us now to take advantage of our LOW, LOW RATES!

  5. John Fast  •  Dec 17, 2012 @4:31 pm

    Adam Steinbaugh: I think This Was Inevitable — So I'm Glad It Was Well-Executed came first.

  6. Tali McPike  •  Dec 17, 2012 @4:49 pm

    @John Fast,
    That was obviously a troll (likely a regular reader with a bit of spare time on their hands) I think Adam is meaning a legitimate marketeer marketing for a company in someway related to horses.

  7. Joe Pullen  •  Dec 17, 2012 @5:06 pm

    Although it may seem that I wouldn't, I understand where you're coming from. I think a post on ponies would suffice.

    Somehow I'm pretty sure "Katie" doesn't understand much of anything. I keep getting this mental picture of one of those vapid high school valley girls from the 90's teenage flicsh whose vocabulary is made up mostly of words like "totally" and "oh my gawd".

  8. Scott Jacobs  •  Dec 17, 2012 @5:13 pm

    I keep getting this mental picture of one of those vapid high school valley girls from the 90's teenage flicsh whose vocabulary is made up mostly of words like "totally" and "oh my gawd".

    flicsh

    And who can't spell "flicks" right…

  9. Joe Pullen  •  Dec 17, 2012 @6:18 pm

    @Scott – smartass

  10. Scott Jacobs  •  Dec 17, 2012 @6:25 pm

    *bows*

    A low blow I know, but I fear that it had to be done my friend… :)

  11. Bear  •  Dec 17, 2012 @6:45 pm

    Tali McPike: "That was obviously a troll (likely a regular reader with a bit of spare time on their hands)"

    I resemble that remark.

    But I think Ken should buy a "personal injury" "post on ponies", and pair it with a "PONY VICTIM COUNSELING" article from Kolabati. Imagine the comment potential.

  12. Laura K  •  Dec 17, 2012 @8:10 pm

    I feel an urge to celebrate the wit, intelligence, subtlety and loveliness of my little sister, who carries a moniker very similar to She Who Has Already Been Named. Glad I helped raise her not to indulge in such ridiculosity.

  13. Turk  •  Dec 17, 2012 @8:20 pm

    I think you should wait 24 hours and then ask when she will be delivering the pony post.

  14. Anony Mouse  •  Dec 17, 2012 @11:11 pm

    This raises an important question:

    If she actually comes through with a post on ponies, will you post it? I can only hope there's some marketer out there who is so dedicated to their client that they'll actually do this.

  15. Deadly Laigrek  •  Dec 18, 2012 @1:22 am

    @Anony Mouse – A glorious day that would be, indeed. But, alas, my friend, I don't believe that there's an internet marketeer out there who is really that dedicated to their job. That's why they're an internet marketeer.

  16. Sheriff Fatman  •  Dec 18, 2012 @2:00 am

    @ Joe Pullen

    Somehow I'm pretty sure "Katie" doesn't understand much of anything.

    I got the impression she realised she'd dodged a bullet, and was retreating with something approaching grace and humour.

  17. ZK  •  Dec 18, 2012 @6:15 am

    So, believe it or not, I personally know a social-media-ish marketer who specializes in the horse industry, and could probably write whatever you'd like about ponies.

    Presumably, you're unlikely to hear from such genuine pony-marketers because this pretty obviously isn't primarily a pony-blog (yet!) and I doubt blog-spam is as common in the specialized industry with few blogs. But such marketers are out there, waiting for the day when the ponies return from their ancient slumber….

  18. S. Weasel  •  Dec 18, 2012 @6:55 am

    I get those, too. In fact, I got one yesterday. The thing is, my blog is not particularly high traffic and is loosely themed, so what would cause a marketeer to latch onto me, I have no idea.

    Ah, here…it's still in my inbox:

    I represent a client who is interested in purchasing a link advertisement on a new or upcoming post on your website, Sweasel. I feel as though it is relative and a great fit for your site! Please let me know if this is something that may interest you or if you have further questions.

  19. GDad  •  Dec 18, 2012 @7:05 am

    "…some Katie or Katies…"

    Reminds me of Homer Simpson's "boogeyman or boogeymen" remark.

  20. Matthew Cline  •  Dec 18, 2012 @8:18 am

    Presumably, you're unlikely to hear from such genuine pony-marketers because this pretty obviously isn't primarily a pony-blog

    That's what Ken wants you to think!!

  21. cb  •  Dec 18, 2012 @9:03 am

    But I like to imagine that after my second email everyone in the audience is yelling at her "DON'T REPLY TO THE EMAIL!"

    Guessing I'm not the only one who was yelling the exact opposite

  22. Dan  •  Dec 18, 2012 @10:10 am

    If you don't Name & Shame, are you going to at least going to email those firms with a snarky FYI? If so, be sure to share that correspondence.

    I have a thing for girls named Katie… don't know why. Dated quite a few, and I even married one. Mine, though, is a teacher and not a dripping-in-scum SEO spammer.

  23. Jeremy  •  Dec 18, 2012 @11:01 am

    If the entire marketing industry collapsed deep in a dark recession, would it make a sound?

  24. apauld  •  Dec 18, 2012 @3:15 pm

    *golf clap*
    *big smile*
    Well done Ken.

  25. AlphaCentauri  •  Dec 18, 2012 @11:29 pm

    Everyone is assuming "her" name is really Katie and not Ashok, Oluwafemi, Vladimir, or Hong-Li.

  26. Treeguy  •  Dec 18, 2012 @11:55 pm

    **patiently awaits the guest pony blog**

    I was going more with the pantomime "look out he's behind you" than don't reply, but to each their own.

    Actually, a series of guest posts from the perspective of My Little Pony characters could open up a whole new audience.

  27. M.  •  Dec 19, 2012 @4:53 am

    @Jeremy: More importantly, would light be able to escape?

  28. Thad  •  Dec 26, 2012 @1:47 pm

    I got the impression she realised she'd dodged a bullet, and was retreating with something approaching grace and humour.

    Me too. I think I could get on with Katie, as long as she didn't talk about work. The headline might even be Woman doing filthy marketing job turns out to be human after all!

  29. Lucas  •  Dec 28, 2012 @11:56 pm

    I have to admit that I only read the NYT article below because of you.

  30. Lucas  •  Dec 28, 2012 @11:56 pm