How Impressive a Superhero Can I Be If My Arch-Nemesis Is Captain Pastetaster?

Fun

As a follow-up to this post, apparently Nutjob the Pastetaster is still fulminating about not being allowed to allowed to vomit all his crazy onto my living room carpet:

Justthisguy said…

Non-kin adoptions can be kinda risky. I tried to point this out to Shithat, or Popehead, or whatever he calls himself, with examples on both sides of the question, but he changed all of my thoughtful helpful innocuous comments to "I eat paste."

He made a mortal enemy of me by doing that.

However, what can one expect of a guy who's a lawyer, which means he's an asshole, and who is also a californian, which means his brain doesn't work right?

7:22 AM, October 03, 2012

First of all, my brain didn't work right when I lived in other states, and even in other countries, so YOUR LOGIC IS FAIL. Second, I was an asshole long before I was a lawyer, SO DITTO.

Third: did I miss the day they were handing out online arch-enemies and get a bunch by default? Because honestly, I drew the biggest pack of sad-sack losers you can imagine. Really. Ignatius Reilly is shaking his head in disbelief.

Last 5 posts by Ken White

71 Comments

71 Comments

  1. Hayden  •  Oct 3, 2012 @1:00 pm

    I eat paste.

  2. TJIC  •  Oct 3, 2012 @1:00 pm

    > Ignatius Reilly is shaking his head in disbelief.

    So is [ TJ ] Ignatius Corcoran.

  3. Ken  •  Oct 3, 2012 @1:04 pm

    Maybe "I eat paste!" can become the "I am Sparticus" of the revolution against Popehat tyranny.

  4. Nicholas Weaver  •  Oct 3, 2012 @1:06 pm

    Perhaps Charles "rapeutation" Carreon should join Captain Pastetaster and you get a supervillian team-up going after you….

  5. Ken  •  Oct 3, 2012 @1:07 pm

    His blog is a lot of fun.

    Thursday, August 23, 2012
    Crimethink
    I am just tossing this out there for discussion. What would y'all think of a tailored virus which killed everybody with brown eyes? It would definitely solve the population problem. Yes, I have blue eyes.

  6. Mean Dean  •  Oct 3, 2012 @1:08 pm

    You have to promise to wash your sheets before turning them into a big banner.

  7. David  •  Oct 3, 2012 @1:11 pm

    You have a weird idea of "fun."

  8. Wren  •  Oct 3, 2012 @1:15 pm

    Oooooooooooooooooo, he's now your mortal enemyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. /playground sarcasm.

    It does amuse me to see how long people hold on to grudges because someone on the internet is WRONG.

  9. SassQueen  •  Oct 3, 2012 @1:20 pm

    Dude, I am so jealous!!! I've been trying my whole life to become someone's mortal enemy! What's your secret?

  10. Grifter  •  Oct 3, 2012 @1:22 pm

    Geeze, even I have a higher threshold for enemies that I want to kill than "mods who deleted my opinion this one time".

  11. C. S. P. Schofield  •  Oct 3, 2012 @1:22 pm

    Buck up; a lot of great heroes have Mortal Enemies that don't really stand up to much scrutiny. I mean, maybe it's just me, but nothing The Joker has ever done, in any line of continuity, has made one slight bit of sense. Lex Luthor is supposedly an massively intelligent industrialist and inventor who has dedicated his life to trying to annoy a being that , the instant he succeeds, is going to turn him into a thin red smear. Why does anybody work for this man?

  12. Dustin  •  Oct 3, 2012 @1:23 pm

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gy8IspjFLnk

    I wonder what his costume looks like…

  13. Grifter  •  Oct 3, 2012 @1:33 pm

    @C.S.P. Schofield:

    Isn't that kind of the Joker's point, though? And isn't that even better for a villain for the "world's greatest detective"?

  14. Thad  •  Oct 3, 2012 @1:50 pm

    Still better than Paste Pot Pete, amirite?

    I think the most amazing thing is that s/he's saying pretty much exactly the same things about you, verbatim, as in that post from June.

  15. Rich  •  Oct 3, 2012 @1:59 pm

    http://zapatopi.net/nemester/

    Finding the right Nemesis is not as easy as it used to be. Check out this great web site its currently in Beta testing. IT helped me find my one true Nemesis turns out she is a Sunday school teacher from Parsippany go figure.

  16. ShelbyC  •  Oct 3, 2012 @2:00 pm

    1. Actually, it is your logic FAIL. The proposition Ken is a (Lawyer/Californian) and all (Lawyers/Californians) (are assholes/brains' don't work right) therefore Ken (is an asshole/'s brain doesn't work right) isn't defeated by pointing out that one can (be an asshole/have their brain not working right) when one is not a (lawyer/Californian).

    2. IIRC, he is a paste-a-sexual, therefore you are engaging in sexual orientation discrimination.

    3. I eat paste.

  17. Dan Weber  •  Oct 3, 2012 @2:07 pm

    I've many times wanted to post something here at Popehat with "I eat paste" as a commentary of people taking something way too seriously, but on a meta-level people would wonder if I was an asshole and Ken edited me.

    PS I eat paste

  18. Art  •  Oct 3, 2012 @2:49 pm

    I just LOVE that wonderful combination of stupid and angry that the Internet seems to engender in certain people.

    Is there a word in German for "drawing amusement out of the fact that someone is so socially inept they have no idea how embarrassingly dumb they look, and they continue to rage out about nothing"? They have loads of cool words like that.

  19. nlp  •  Oct 3, 2012 @2:50 pm

    I like the comment at 4:34 over there.

    There are people who never quite seem to figure out how to play well with others. If he thinks that he was polite in his comments, then he clearly doesn't understand politeness. And we already know that he doesn't understand statistics, since he believes that number of children abused = number of children adopted or fostered.

    Ah well, we can't all have foes worthy of attack.

    Maybe next time.

  20. James Pollock  •  Oct 3, 2012 @2:54 pm

    "Still better than Paste Pot Pete, amirite?"

    For the record, Paste-Pot Pete has been "The Trapster" for a VERY long time now. (Admittedly, he DID align himself with the "Wingless Wizard", but still, the Sinister Six did defeat (temporarily) the Fantastic Four on several occasions.)

  21. Shane  •  Oct 3, 2012 @3:11 pm

    PEOPLE THE INTERWEBZ IS A DANGEROUS PLACE .. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

    that is all.

  22. Bill Sides  •  Oct 3, 2012 @3:12 pm

    Joseph Conrad said "You shall judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends." Given the likes of Captain Pastetaster You certainly must have marvelous friends.

  23. C. S. P. Schofield  •  Oct 3, 2012 @3:12 pm

    Grifter;

    I recently ran across an article on Batman and his world that claimed that The Joker had been a fairly minor presence in Gotham until the advent of the 1960's television show. I'm not sure that matches what I know of the Bat-history, but it does seem that the idea of a 'rogues gallery' of oddballs (with The Joker, The Riddler, and Penguin being top three) dates to this period.

  24. Xenocles  •  Oct 3, 2012 @3:20 pm

    Wow, you know who else wanted to kill people without blue eyes?

  25. Orville  •  Oct 3, 2012 @3:22 pm

    Better a mortal enemy than an immortal one. All that noise from swords clashing, followed by lightning and someone screaming "There can be only one!" is really distracting.

  26. James Pollock  •  Oct 3, 2012 @3:22 pm

    Early in his crime-fighting career, Batman pursued organized crime bosses and street-level crimes of violence. (In fact, VERY early in his crime-fighting career, he carried a gun.) He did these things not because the Gotham City Police Department COULDN'T do these things, but because they WOULDN'T. As public perception of police forces changed because they (collectively) became much more professional, the focus of Batman's crusade shifted to fighting the kinds of threats that the typical police force just isn't prepared to confront: Supervillains.
    Superman followed a similar arc, but for a different reason: ordinary criminals just weren't a fair match for Superman, so the writers invented some criminals that were, and again: Supervillains.

  27. Xenocles  •  Oct 3, 2012 @3:57 pm

    I once got to watch a serial that featured Batman fighting a ring of Japanese spies in what appeared to be San Francisco.

  28. Ken  •  Oct 3, 2012 @3:59 pm

    @Thad, @James Pollock,

    Thaaaaaaat's it. I hate it when people beat me to obscure second-banana supervillain references.

    I DECLARE YOU BOTH GALACTIC MORTAL ENEMIES!!!! Rue the day! RUE!!!!

    Sincerely,
    9-Jack-9 ;-)

  29. Caleb  •  Oct 3, 2012 @4:02 pm

    @ ShelbyC

    It's ambiguous, and depends on what operative effect you give "which means." I read it, like Ken did presumably, as a bi-conditional. If it was merely a conditional, why not use more immediate evidence?

    This is why I think all communication should include symbolic notation.

  30. ShelbyC  •  Oct 3, 2012 @4:13 pm

    @Caleb, by "biconditional" do you mean that the above can be read as "all lawyers are assholes, and all assholes are lawyers?" I'm not sure I see it. But then, I eat paste.

  31. James Pollock  •  Oct 3, 2012 @4:34 pm

    Does "biconditional" mean two conditionals, or half of a conditional? Or is it some kind of sex thing?

  32. Caleb  •  Oct 3, 2012 @4:37 pm

    @ Shelby C

    Yes: "X is an asshole if and only if X is a lawyer." When I use the phrase "which means," I usually use it in the context of logical equivalence: "I saw two cars, then I saw two more cars. Which means I saw four cars." But that's not the only use of that phrase.

  33. Caleb  •  Oct 3, 2012 @4:38 pm

    @ James

    Okay, that was funny.

    See here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Logical_biconditional

  34. Pete  •  Oct 3, 2012 @4:43 pm

    Maybe all you paste eaters are on to something …

    http://lsned.com/facts/glue-protein/

  35. different Jess  •  Oct 3, 2012 @4:46 pm

    I'd love to see Ken's thoughts on the Velvin Hogan saga. He's not on trial for perjury or in jail for contempt of court yet, but he is a textbook case of not shutting up. I mean, his perjury was pretty obvious without a single post-trial statement from him, but his every media utterance seems desperate to prove that perjury.

  36. M.  •  Oct 3, 2012 @4:51 pm

    I don't know why he's so fired up. You were very accepting of his paste-porking propensities.

  37. ShelbyC  •  Oct 3, 2012 @4:57 pm

    @Caleb, but that's not logically equivelent. "I saw four cars" can also mean, "I saw three cars, then I saw one more car" for example.

  38. Joe Pullen  •  Oct 3, 2012 @5:39 pm

    How to know if you are a Paste-Farian

    1. You have studied the sacred Pastefarian text “The Origin of Adhesives”.
    2. You share the basic silly Pastefarian beliefs. Namely that non kin adoptions are more likely to lead to child abuse and pasting together will solve world hunger.
    3. You feel compelled to spread the word of on the awesomeness of cutting and pasting.
    4. You prefer clear paste so you converted from an Orthodox Pastefarian to a Reformed Pastefarian.
    5. You enjoy getting pasted.
    6. You make it a particular point to “stick” things where they don’t belong.
    7. You religiously follow the 7 steps to being tacky as this is the ultimate aspiration of every Pastefarian
    8. You celebrate all the holidays of the Pastefarian religion. The most popular being the holy day of Paste-Over
    9. You end all your prayers with “mmmm paste – it’s what’s for dinner”.
    10. Like any (not as awesome) religion, when things don’t go right, you just paste.

  39. Geek Chick  •  Oct 3, 2012 @6:13 pm

    Since I went Paleo, I can no longer eat paste.

  40. Bruce  •  Oct 3, 2012 @6:22 pm

    It's OK, Ken. You have just picked the arch nemesis starter kit. Over time you can add to this set with progressively more literate and considered nemeses. Unfortunately, for each of these high quality nemeses you add, you also get 10 feces-flinging howler monkey nemeses.

  41. Laura K  •  Oct 3, 2012 @6:26 pm

    He was an asshole–far less of one than he was to you, let me hasten to add–to me once in comments on another site. While I was satisfied with my response KEN YOU ARE IN MY HERO BOOK for the "I eat paste
    transfiguration. Just wanted to thank you, although of course you did it for far more important reasons.

  42. Josh C.  •  Oct 3, 2012 @6:28 pm

    @ Xenocles
    You're thinking of the 1943 Batman serial, "The Electric Brain." I found you the first episode: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zNcKo2jb1k

    The things about it that always struck me were the discussion of Bruce Wayne as a draft dodger and the voiceover at the front of one of the early episodes which described how Little Tokyo had been cleaned up "since a wise government rounded up the shifty-eyed Japs." Crazy stuff.

  43. Xenocles  •  Oct 3, 2012 @7:05 pm

    @Josh-

    That's the one. Thanks for the pointer.

  44. Roscoe  •  Oct 3, 2012 @7:21 pm

    Ken – Your lack of a worthy nemesis pain me. I will be willing to stand in as your arch foe until a more adequate replacement comes along. I am told that when I grimace I look quite sinister, and I have a wicked looking Henckels meat cleaver.

    I am having a rough week in terms of scheduling, but I can start plotting your doom the week of November 22nd.

  45. Grifter  •  Oct 3, 2012 @7:43 pm

    Ken, maybe you should petition the Guild of Calamitous Intent?

  46. Dave  •  Oct 3, 2012 @8:01 pm

    So I take it, that it's Ken Vs. the Sad Sack Legion of Doom™

  47. Ken  •  Oct 3, 2012 @8:34 pm

    The Popehat Elect approve the simultaneously mean and geeky turn this thread has taken.

  48. Stingray  •  Oct 3, 2012 @9:00 pm

    Grifter- At the very least they might give him a wedgie for arching without a license. I mean you should've heard the peals of laughter over his application.

    It was less funny when we realized it was still covered in paste, but still, the bit about Princess Tinyfeet makes me laugh to this day.

  49. James Pollock  •  Oct 3, 2012 @10:12 pm

    Once upon a time, the Amazing Spider-Man faced a foe called "The Rocket Racer" whose gimmick was… a jet powered skateboard. And Spider-Man's had a number of successful movies AND a couple of TV shows. He's come quite a way since HIS first arch-nemesis (super-spy "The Chameleon", whose super-make-up power allowed him to impersonate anyone, but whose impersonation of free-lance news photographer Peter Parker didn't fool Spider-Man.)

    I think the key is to hire good writers, so that they can give your arch-nemeses compelling backstories as well as challenging and interesting super-gimmicks. (I suppose you could also go darkside, and begin collecting minions to do your bidding.)

  50. G Thompson  •  Oct 3, 2012 @11:35 pm

    Hmmm paste eater seems like a sticky character. Maybe you need some gunk remover in the form of … I dunno.. an acme BFG of extreme buttslapp ;)

    Though I've been looking around and I think you need a new wardrobe http://www.superherosupplies.com and some new Gear.. those LAME capes look awesome and the ability to dazzle should be a pre-requirement of any lawyers alter-ego ;)

  51. Sam  •  Oct 4, 2012 @12:24 am

    "(Admittedly, he DID align himself with the "Wingless Wizard", but still, the Sinister Six did defeat (temporarily) the Fantastic Four on several occasions.)"

    Is it possible you mean the Frightful Four? The Sinister Six mostly pick on Spider-Man and tend not to include the Trapster in their numbers.

  52. tomblvd  •  Oct 4, 2012 @3:15 am

    "I am become justthismentalguy, destroyer of popeheadhats."

  53. Jason Summers  •  Oct 4, 2012 @5:04 am

    Actually, both The Joker and The Penguin show up regularly in the late 1930s and 1940s, long before the TV show, as does Catwoman (started as a jewel thief called The Cat), with various covers with J and P facing the Bat and the Boy. The one minor villain who gained much ground from the TV show was The Riddler – only 2 books in the 40s.

    _Batman From the 30's to the 70's_ (sic) by E. Nelson Bridwell was a fantastic purchase, and I only wish I could go back in time to the 1970s and get its companion volume on Superman… And those 25-cent Batman books that I sold to a classmate for their cover price.

  54. Lizard  •  Oct 4, 2012 @5:15 am

    @James: I'll see your Rocket Racer and raise you Razorback, the Spiderman villain inspired by the CB craze. Of course, that still beats Alpha Flight villain Pink Pearl, whose power was Adult Onset Diabetes. (Speaking as someone who often has to create to a deadline, I do have sympathy for the writers and artists in these situations. If you do work according to a timetable and just have to make quota each day, there's going to be some serious space fillers in there.)

  55. Damon  •  Oct 4, 2012 @5:20 am

    As the old Greaseman used to say, "I shake my head ruefully"….

  56. Dwight Brown  •  Oct 4, 2012 @5:41 am

    "…those LAME capes look awesome

  57. Dwight Brown  •  Oct 4, 2012 @5:43 am

    G Thompson:

    "those LAME capes look awesome"

    What the heck, dude? No capes!

  58. AlphaCentauri  •  Oct 4, 2012 @6:16 am

    Are the capes lame or lamé? I'm confused. But lots of thumbs up for The Incredibles reference.

    The little redheaded guy in that movie is a pretty good arch villain, actually. He'd be eating colle au vin avec champignons on that funky island of his.

  59. Ken  •  Oct 4, 2012 @6:33 am

    All you superhero fans are going to LOVE the post I'm going to do on a review copy of a book I just got.

  60. Tam  •  Oct 4, 2012 @6:54 am

    "Are the capes lame or lamé?"

    Yes.

    (I just can't not swing at a hanging curve… :D )

  61. Captain Obvious  •  Oct 4, 2012 @8:11 am

    The Justice League is proud to extend a long overdue invitation into our ranks to Ken, the “Super Lawyer”.

    Super Lawyer possesses amazing powers. He can leap over the office trashcan in a single bound, whip up an amicus brief faster than a petaflop, and knock his foes flat on their back from just one snort of his powerful taint. The taint may be a result of his colostomy bag, we’re not entirely sure, but what the heck, it works.

    Will Super Lawyer find himself in a sticky mess? Will his arch-nemesis “Justthisguy” get pasted? Stay tuned.

  62. Pierce Nichols  •  Oct 4, 2012 @8:57 am

    I read Capt Pastetaster's blog… dear god, that man needs to get laid in the worst way. Not likely tho, since he is also quite clearly a vile human being.

  63. James Pollock  •  Oct 4, 2012 @11:13 am

    I believe "Super Lawyer" is trademarked.

  64. En Passant  •  Oct 4, 2012 @11:36 am

    Captain Obvious wrote Oct 4, 2012 @8:11 am:

    The Justice League is proud to extend a long overdue invitation into our ranks to Ken, the “Super Lawyer”.

    I am shocked — shocked — to see citations for First Amendment Badassery not mentioned here.

    I suspect an unwholesome plot to perpetrate the soft bigotry of low expectations.

  65. Chris R.  •  Oct 4, 2012 @11:48 am

    Sorry Ken, there is only one Joker but many Jerkers, sometimes you just get a sack of manual releasers.

  66. Thad  •  Oct 4, 2012 @12:43 pm

    @CSP: "I recently ran across an article on Batman and his world that claimed that The Joker had been a fairly minor presence in Gotham until the advent of the 1960's television show. I'm not sure that matches what I know of the Bat-history, but it does seem that the idea of a 'rogues gallery' of oddballs (with The Joker, The Riddler, and Penguin being top three) dates to this period."

    Doesn't sound quite right to me, but I admit I haven't read much of the 1950's era. Joker and Catwoman first appeared in Batman #1 in 1940; Joker was originally intended to be killed off at the end of his first appearance but the editor insisted that he survive and become a recurring character. Penguin and Two-Face appeared not long after (1941 and 1942 respectively), and Riddler a few years after that ('47). There were other, lesser-known rogues, too; mad scientist Hugo Strange is actually Batman's first recurring foe, predatng Joker and Catwoman by a few months, and Clayface first appeared in 1940 as well.

    The introduction of the Comic Code in the 1950's certainly changed the tone of Batman and other comics of the time; Batman became more sci-fi-oriented and generally silly. The Rogues were probably used less during that time (particularly Two-Face), but Joker still showed up pretty frequently as far as I know — he just went from being a serial killer to a guy who tied Batman and Robin to giant musical instruments. That's pretty much the spirit that the TV series tapped into.

    In the 1970's they swung back toward Joker-as-serial-killer and he's been much the same since.

    @Ken: "All you superhero fans are going to LOVE the post I'm going to do on a review copy of a book I just got."

    Marvel Comics: The Untold Story? Can't wait.

  67. James Pollock  •  Oct 4, 2012 @1:44 pm

    I'm about 99% sure he's got an advance copy of this book:
    http://lawandthemultiverse.com/the-book/

  68. wgering  •  Oct 4, 2012 @5:05 pm

    Ken: you are the She-Hulk of free speech.

  69. Bruce E. Durocher II  •  Oct 4, 2012 @5:40 pm

    I think this line from the film Whip It sums it up: "We deserve better villains."

  70. Efemmeral  •  Oct 4, 2012 @11:47 pm

    I learned long ago never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. ~ George Bernard Shaw

  71. AlphaCentauri  •  Oct 5, 2012 @4:49 am

    I just read some of justthisguy's blog. It's pretty sad. It looks like he'd like to be a neonazi, but he's too socially inept. Lots of people on the internet claim to have Asperger's syndrome when they would have just been called "painfully shy" in the past. But he seems like the real article. Most of his blog posts are complaints about Blogger and WordPress upgrades. He can't adapt to changes.