Ponies 101: Introduction To Ponies

Print This Post

You may also like...

49 Responses

  1. Tiptoe says:

    I hope she ponies up.

  2. Me, I would have merely shot back the question, "The price of gas keeps going up, does this ascension corresponds to a similar rise in the quality of your motor vehicular operations?"

    Or, you know, just deleted the thing. I am a man of limited horizons.

  3. Zubon says:

    Are there any comparative studies courses available in ponies and unicorns? (I was going to say "versus" rather than "and," but then I recalled the trend of unicorn-Othering in pony studies programs.)

  4. Gavin says:

    Holy crap, a conversation with Ken sounds like it'd be a bit like taking meth.

  5. SassQueen says:

    Tell me, please, that you actually sent this actual email to this woman. Gawd.

  6. Kris says:

    Would this count as ponychosis?

    (also, 2011 Hugo Short Story nominated)

  7. Aaron says:

    It's only a matter of time before someone who ACTUALLY writes about ponies, and has a nefarious google search spam bot out there…

    …Sends Ken an email requesting to publish a guest post about ponies.

    And that will be a glorious day indeed.

  8. Ken says:

    NOT YOUR MONKEY.

  9. eigenperson says:

    Surely your co-blogger Via Angus is feeling a bit slighted by all this focus on ponies. Perhaps next time you should request payment in the form of a bull or heifer (depending on which way Via swings).

  10. Stephen says:

    For a minute there, I thought Popehat had somehow collided with the new My Little Pony fandom.

    Actually, that could be hilariously interesting. MAKE IT HAPPEN.

  11. Dan Weber says:

    Tell her the post needs to be about 20% cooler before you will republish it.

  12. I got one from her today as well; inspired by your previous pony post, I'm considering an appropriate response both to her and the SIX others like her in my spam folder.

  13. nlp says:

    You can't fool me, Ken. The reason you stopped accepting ponies as payment is that the Bloggess set such a high standard of pony awesomeness that you know you will never match it.

    http://thebloggess.com/2012/08/im-tempted-to-do-this-whole-post-in-caps-thats-how-excited-i-am-about-it/

  14. John Farrier says:

    Like Stephen, when I saw the title of this post, I hoped that it was about MLP.

  15. M. says:

    @nlp: "Knock knock, motherfucker" has become a catchphrase in my everyday life.

  16. Pete says:

    This would have been an extremely funny post when I was a young man with strong bladder muscles. It's less funny now.

  17. Roscoe says:

    Ponies??? You blog about Ponies???

    Over at Slate some loony law professor has an article comparing the First Amendment to a "dear old uncle who enacted heroic deeds in his youth but on occasion says embarrassing things about taboo subjects in his decline." And a journalist who claims it is her First Amendment right to deface an anti-jihad subway poster just got arrested for it.

    And here you blog about ponies. Frankly, we expect better from our National Treasures.

  18. Ansley says:

    Lord God, I love this blog.

  19. MichaelW says:

    I just shot soda out my nose laughing while reading this post :)

  20. Ken says:

    @Roscoe: look, I'm in mediation. I don't have time for a long post.

  21. Roscoe says:

    What, you dare take time off from providing us with free commentary on the issues of the day to earn a living? The nerve of some people.

  22. Dan says:

    I have been in favor of a pony-based economy since Vermin Supreme made it a major part of his presidential campaign platform.

  23. Gail says:

    P.S. No Brony stuff.

  24. Josh C. says:

    Someday, someone is going to take you up on one of these offers. What will you do when you have to sit through a half-day seminar on pony-related emotio-lectual injuries? How will you make that time billable?!

  25. flip says:

    I seriously don't understand this whole guest blogger thing. It's like wannabe writers can't be bothered signing up for a free blog and posting their stuff there. I know it's all about reputation and getting your name out and being viral and all: but you can have just as much, if not more, reputation if you just develop your own site. But then that takes time, SEO and a willingness to be less douchey.

    Oddly enough on my own blog I've only had one request for a guest blog that was entirely inappropriate. (Basically a request to write something, anything, so long as it contained linkbacks to whatever) Although I entirely considered the whole thing to be a waste of time, I went along with it and sent back a nice reply. I made it clear though that before replying I'd done a google search for the person's previous work, and suggested that their experience was nowhere near the level of quality I expected, and that they'd better bloody well know the topic that I write about before I would be convinced in publishing their stuff because I know my subject pretty darn well.

    Never heard back from them. How unexpected ;)

    Also, I like the added touch of asking for suprise degrees. :)

  26. JRM says:

    Wait, what? I've been training my pony to breathe fire (up to five feet now) and I can no longer exchange fire-breathing ponies for guest posts? I guess that's true even on Authentic Ionic Magnetic Power Bracelet (cures AIDS, cancer, acne, and would cure hemmorrhoids if we knew for sure how to spell that word. Also cures whatever disease you personally have by resonating with your personal frequency.) (Disclaimer: We make no medical claims. Please consult a physician before purchasing this product, unless you don't want to die painfully, in which case time is of the essence.)

    Fine, then. No fire-breathing pony for you.

  27. En Passant says:

    I'm worried that all this "pony-driven psychosis" and "hoofings" might be the work of PETA operatives. Maybe they think your"pony-based pricing system" objectifies ponies.

    If they are doing it, that's pretty scary. Maybe they can get by with it because of our "symbolic attachment to uneasy, historically contingent compromises" about free speech.

    Is it really constitutionally protected to shout "giddyup" in a crowded corral? I mean, if there really isn't a fire or anything. Or is it fighting words?

    And what are the symptoms of "pony-driven psychosis" anyhow?

  28. John Burgess says:

    Ken, you've got to move with the tides and seasons.

    Winter is approaching. You should be accepting alpacas and vicuñas in exchange. Their hair makes wonderfully warm coats.

  29. Doug says:

    what! giving up the pony fee! You sicken me!

  30. Kevin Horner says:

    None of you seem to know anything about My Little Pony fandom. For shame. I could write an article about the fascist Equestrian government and its many civil rights abuses.

  31. Ken says:

    @flip:

    I seriously don't understand this whole guest blogger thing. It's like wannabe writers can't be bothered signing up for a free blog and posting their stuff there.

    No, that's not it. I wouldn't ridicule them for that.

    This segment of guestblog spam comes from people who are writing shitty, substance-free posts with links to a site they are not-too-secretly trying to promote (like the one in the first part of my letter). The purpose, as far as I can tell, is to increase the search engine ranking of that site, and then sell it or otherwise monetize it.

    There is no actual honest desire to write about anything. It's a scam. And the name is almost certainly an alias.

  32. En Passant says:

    Ken wrote Sep 27, 2012 @9:56 am:

    There is no actual honest desire to write about anything. It's a scam. And the name is almost certainly an alias.

    Mais oui. So,

    1. Strike a click payment deal with Hasbro.

    2. Accept the guest post with condition that you will edit to suit your taste.

    3. Change all links in the guest post to Hasbro.

    4. ????

    5. Profit!

  33. kmc says:

    It makes me want to offer a guest post just so I can try to address Ken's requirements.

  34. mmrtnt says:

    Perhaps the "Guest Pole" should be introduced as a vetting agent prior to the granting of a "Guest Post"

    Then, aspirants would be granted a post based on their proficiency in Pole Dancing as evidenced by submitted photos.

    Just a thought. Probably won't do a thing to reduce the number of spam requests for posts, but might provide some interesting photos.

  35. nlp says:

    Also, this phrase from your second sentence is so perfect I kneel in awe: <blockquote cite="a site devoted not only to rigorously substantive discussion of complex educational topics, but also to fearless explorations of the possibilities of nonstandard sentence structure."

  36. Antonio says:

    Kudos on rel="nofollow" :)

  37. Guest posts are common practice in the webcomic world esp when a more popular cartoonist decides to take a break but doesn't want disrupt his/her regular posting schedule.

    Lately I have gotten some of these same companies that Ken is dealing with wanting ME to just write a blog post and include links (they do offer to pay)

  38. Nick says:

    By linking to the site in this blog post, you're still kind of helping her SEO. Inlinks from a legitimate, well-visited blog will definitely boost the linked site's Google rankings.

  39. Nick says:

    Oh never mind, rel=nofollow, and I'm an idiot.

  40. JebTexas says:

    OMG!!1!!!11 PONIES!!!!!1!11!11

  41. Paul Lemmen says:

    So, did she send you an Honorary Doctor of Letters in Snark?

  42. Josh C. says:

    Another option: vocabulary checks. I'd say its more than likely that if you e.g. sent something back agreeing, but saying that you were going to "edit it lasciviously," that would fly right under the radar.

  43. flip says:

    When you're right Ken, you're right. For some reason I didn't have my brain that day.

  44. Ken says:

    Hilarious. She wrote back asking if I had gotten her request.

  45. Joe Pullen says:

    @Ken, so she didn't actually READ your reply email. I knew it – spam trolls can't read.

  1. October 8, 2012

    [...] strategy, but on that day I received five identically-worded follow-ups, and soon discovered that Ken had also heard from them (her? it?) again.  So I wrote my own response and sent it to all five (plus a new one I had [...]

  2. October 9, 2012

    [...] I explained yesterday, I was inspired by Ken White from Popehat to reply to these after receiving five of them in one afternoon; though I think Ken’s are much [...]

  3. October 10, 2012

    [...] However, I may be inclined to reciprocate in kind. Perhaps you have some expertise in writing about ponies. I certainly hope so. As my fellow blawger, Ken at Popehat has written extensively on this exigent topic, I commend you to read his body of work. Here is a link to an equine-based post that should get your creative juices flowing: "Ponies 101: Introduction to Ponies". [...]

  4. November 15, 2012

    [...] (I emailed Margo back asking for samples; I really want to know what's wrong with a cop during my DUI arrest. But she never responded. Oh, Margo, how can I publish your guest post if you never respond? Ken at Popehat also got no response when he responded enthusiastically to one such offer.) [...]