Your Pony Is In Good Hands With Popehat

Fun

Hi Ken,

I was just reading through your blog and thought it was very helpful. I was wondering if you would allow a guest post?

I was considering a topic related to the legal trouble you can get into if you don't have the proper auto insurance.

Is this something you would consider?

I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks!

Kelly Blogger (kellyblggr29@gmail.com)

Dear Kelly:

Thank you for your inquiry.

Actually, we've already had guest bloggers covering the need for auto insurance. If we repeat similar topics too often, our readers get unruly, and may start either posting unpleasant pictures in the comments, or else abandoning us entirely for sites that cater to their most base and contemptible desires, like Huffington Post.

There is a related topic you could cover, however: the legal trouble you can get into if you don't have proper pony insurance.

Ponies are cute and frolicsome and endearing, Kelly — at least on the surface. But ponies are also deadly. A pony can take away everything you've got and everything you're ever going to have. You won't know it to look at them — unless you look close, in the eye. A pony's got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes.

So you can just imagine our concerns about liability, legal and moral, arising from the stable of ponies we've accumulated as payment for advertising and guest-posting. Why, my co-blogger Clark went into that stable just the other day. There was a sound — a harsh and terrible keening, Kelly, a sound like I have never heard before and pray to God I shall never hear again — and Clark came out a different man entirely. He was a changed man — and not even in a good way. He seemed a man emptied of all that was good and hopeful and filled up with something else, something dark and other, and now he sits in the corner in the shadow rocking and muttering softly in some language that not even David can pretend to recognize.

Apparently that sort of thing is not covered by our current pony insurance policy. So you can see my dilemma.

I look forward to your guest post about the hazards of uninsured pony-related activities. Please don't use us as a cautionary tale: it's still too painful.

Very truly yours,

Ken

P.S. No Brony stuff.

Last 5 posts by Ken White

45 Comments

45 Comments

  1. Jason  •  Jun 28, 2012 @4:46 pm

    O God…my sides…

  2. HeatherCat  •  Jun 28, 2012 @4:48 pm

    THANK YOU! Thank you for helping spread the word about the truly evil nature of ponies!
    And Bronies are just awful :-P

  3. zyronife  •  Jun 28, 2012 @4:49 pm

    "You won't know it to look at them — unless you look close, in the eye. A pony's got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes."

    Why, hello there cleverly placed Jaws reference! {waves at it}

  4. Laura K  •  Jun 28, 2012 @4:54 pm

    Oh dear, that was worth the asthma attack

  5. Peachkins  •  Jun 28, 2012 @4:55 pm

    I love these posts…

  6. Thorne  •  Jun 28, 2012 @5:05 pm

    Whatchoo got against Bronies, dude??

  7. Michael K.  •  Jun 28, 2012 @5:09 pm

    I've loved you from afar for too long, Ken. This post moves me to speak. You are my Internet Hero.

  8. Pete  •  Jun 28, 2012 @5:11 pm

    I'll bet the ponies got to Chief Justice Roberts this morning.

  9. Ngvrnd  •  Jun 28, 2012 @5:16 pm

    A+++ will read again.

  10. Allen  •  Jun 28, 2012 @5:21 pm

    I don't have pony insurance but I do have horsey insurance. It's kind of like the SR 22 of pony insurance

  11. Harry Lime  •  Jun 28, 2012 @5:22 pm

    I too saw the Jaws reference, and possibly an Unforgiven reference as well?

    "A pony can take away everything you've got and everything you're ever going to have."

  12. TJIC  •  Jun 28, 2012 @5:34 pm

    Hi Ken,

    I was just reading through your blog and thought it was very helpful. I was wondering if you would allow a guest post?

    I was considering a topic related to the legal trouble you can get into if…

    Well, this is where the possibilities multiply. Which area would you like me to write on?

    - TJIC

  13. Ken  •  Jun 28, 2012 @5:56 pm

    I've spent a lot on bandwidth this month, TJIC, and if it's all the same to you, it's probably better if you write about those areas where you are not likely to get into legal trouble.

  14. SPQR  •  Jun 28, 2012 @5:57 pm

    That would definitely narrow things down a lot … for TJIC.

  15. Docrailgun  •  Jun 28, 2012 @6:03 pm

    There are no ponies except Lauren Faust's ponies.

  16. Chris R.  •  Jun 28, 2012 @6:06 pm

    I was eating dinner on my break from work tonight, then I read this… and almost choked. I don't blame Ken, it was definitely the ponies fault. Like little Sith Lords using the force to stop the food from moving down my esophagus.

  17. nlp  •  Jun 28, 2012 @6:09 pm

    Why, my co-blogger Clark went into that stable just the other day. There was a sound — a harsh and terrible keening, Kelly, a sound like I have never heard before and pray to God I shall never hear again — and Clark came out a different man entirely. He was a changed man — and not even in a good way. He seemed a man emptied of all that was good and hopeful and filled up with something else, something dark and other, and now he sits in the corner in the shadow rocking and muttering softly in some language that not even David can pretend to recognize.

    I can tell you right now what happened. Someone snuck a Shetland into the stable. It was probably disguised as a North Swedish, or some other breed. Double check the ponies in there, and go in pairs.

    Shetlands are evil.

  18. David Shulman  •  Jun 28, 2012 @6:22 pm

    With a last name like "Blogger" you'd think she'd have better blogging sense.

  19. SPQR  •  Jun 28, 2012 @6:25 pm

    Speaking of spam, I got a hilarious bit of Nigerian spam this week. "Subject: WE THE FBI HAVE WARRANT TO ARREST YOU GET BACK TO US FOR YOUR OWN GOOD"

    (So obviously I thought Neal Rauhauser had found me …)

    But the hilarious part was the return email address:
    "Sent By: "FBI OFFICE" "

  20. SPQR  •  Jun 28, 2012 @6:26 pm

    Damn, it got cut off because of the angle brackets: "Sent By: "FBI OFFICE" (BlossomCraft@aol.com) "

  21. Kelly  •  Jun 28, 2012 @6:31 pm

    After I recovered from laughing until my teenager thought I may need help… my first thought was… oh gods, it wasn't me!

    You know, I am going to use this as a point of reference the next time my heathens try the 'why can't we have a pony' bit. "Because, you heathens, they are even more evil than you four. I KNOW I was shocked too, but it is true."

  22. GeekChick  •  Jun 28, 2012 @6:37 pm

    The ponies got Clark!?! Today is truly a horrible horrible day!*sobs and runs away*

  23. egd  •  Jun 28, 2012 @6:44 pm

    You're saying all I have to do in order to get a guest-posting gig at Popehat is write about pony insurance?

    Soon I too can be a multi-millionaire* from blogging activities like Ken and Patrick!

    * words read

  24. Roger Smart  •  Jun 28, 2012 @7:52 pm

    Ken is very self entertaining. Leave him alone in a room with a few bits of random spam and he'll do wonderful things with it.

  25. jj  •  Jun 28, 2012 @8:22 pm

    Oh my. Ken, you encourage spammers when you write such comic gems in reply. Not that I mind, of course, but I am not sure you're dissuading them.

  26. John  •  Jun 28, 2012 @8:30 pm

    The ponies are winning, so beware.

    The gummint has now authorized miniature horses (aka 'ponies') as guide animals. These little feckers are right at groin height. THAT's why Clark has a vacant expression. He now has a vacant scrotum.

  27. CC  •  Jun 28, 2012 @9:09 pm

    Do these folks ever respond to your pony responses?? I'd love to know what they say!

  28. CC  •  Jun 28, 2012 @9:13 pm

    oops! answered my own question with your link

  29. PLW  •  Jun 29, 2012 @4:48 am

    Ken is keeping all the brony work for himself.

  30. Dan P  •  Jun 29, 2012 @5:03 am

    Granted it's specifically concerning horses instead of ponies.

    Obligatory link to Oatmeal?

  31. Robert White  •  Jun 29, 2012 @7:21 am

    Not to say one serious but long-winded thing here about auto insurance… This isn't what you think but it may be important to you one day…

    On 31 Dec 2002 I was hit by an uninsured driver while walking in a cross-walk. My "full medical" coverage only covered $10,000 (an absolute limit) of the $30,000 (which was capped by nothing but chance) because (get this) since a car was involved my car insurance was on the hook.

    Contemplate this carefully. I was on foot but the since there was a car involved, driven and owned by other people, but anywhere in the story, my (generally considered first class insurance provider) medical coverage didn't count past $10,000. They paid the bills and then subregated against my own uninsured motorist coverage. Before I made it clear that I -had- uninsured motorist coverage my major medical was going to refuse payment, and doctors were asking me how I was going to pay right there while I was laying there with a ruined leg.

    Yes, the orthopedic surgeon's receptionist was asking to see my proof of auto insurance right there in their office before treatment.

    So even if you don't have a car, you had better have auto insurance here in the U.S. of A.

    And more importantly, when you go for the minimums on the "each person" and "each accident" values, particularly for the uninsured motorist stuff, it is you that you are screwing because you probably don't know how screwed up the insurance system really is.

    Just sayin.

  32. Roscoe  •  Jun 29, 2012 @7:47 am

    I had to Google "brony." According to the Urban Dictionary its meaning is:

    "A name typically given to the male viewers/fans (whether they are straight, gay, bisexual, etc.) of the My Little Pony show or franchise. They typically do not give in to the hype that males aren't allowed to enjoy things that may be intended for females."

    This raises questions. There are enough male viewers of My Little Pony that they merit a name? And Ken, how is it that you know of such things?

  33. Robert White  •  Jun 29, 2012 @8:01 am

    This raises questions. There are enough male viewers of My Little Pony that they merit a name? And Ken, how is it that you know of such things?

    God save us all, yes. And as someone who goes to science fiction and fantasy convetions and such, the "brony cosplay" is enough to wilt a willy or two.

    Google "Rule 34" then re-google "Brony" and do the math in your head.

    Please god, I must agree with Ken, "no Brony Stuff"… (And I -like- gay porn so on the rule 34 scale I am "a moderate"… 8-)

  34. Robert White  •  Jun 29, 2012 @8:05 am

    If you don't believe me, go to images.google.com and search "brony"…

    8-)

  35. Roscoe  •  Jun 29, 2012 @8:14 am

    My daughter is going to the Anime Expo convention today. Should I tell her to be wary of the Bronies? Are they dangerous?

  36. Robert White  •  Jun 29, 2012 @8:38 am

    No, they are harmless and fun in person, just very, very very wierd. So you know, con folk.

    Its the amplyifying word "stuff" used in an internet context that is the reason to fear.

    Compare "no butt" and "no butt stuff"… the latter is much more dangerous as a concept, particularly in a socially disconnected realm like an internet.

    That said, if you -do- run into a large man in a decidedly feminine anime-pony costume, with bristly body hair poking out through the spandex, who says he's -not- a Brony, you may want to move away quickly without breaking eye contact*. 8-)

    (*) not really, the pervs dress up as mundane as possible, but the former sounded better in context for snarking purposes.

  37. perlhaqr  •  Jun 29, 2012 @9:56 am

    Roscoe: If your daughter is going to the Anime Expo, you've got bigger problems than Bronies.

    Namely, she's going to spend all of the money in the world on Anime stuff.

    You have been warned.

  38. jag  •  Jun 29, 2012 @10:09 am

    @DanP: He's also done one on ponies

    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/pony

  39. Roscoe  •  Jun 29, 2012 @1:20 pm

    perlhaqr – No warning necessary. To quote Robert Heinlein, "Daughters can spend 10% more than a man can make in any usual occupation." Truer words have rarely been spoken.

  40. Thorne  •  Jun 29, 2012 @1:23 pm

    I don't get all the Brony hate…

    I mean, Bronies are people… ummm… well, they're pony-like… uhhh… some kind of anthropomor-okay, maybe I don't know exactly what the fuck a 'Brony' actually *is* but can't we all just get along?? :p

  41. Joe  •  Jun 29, 2012 @1:34 pm

    I'm actuall having a really good laugh. I replied to this post with an example spam I received and my response to said spammer -but it got caught in Ken's spam filter. How ironic :-)

  42. Robert White  •  Jun 29, 2012 @8:05 pm

    @Joe – That's not what irony is there Alanis… When you (re)post spam, you are posting spam, and that makes you a spammer in the eyes of any rational automation.

  43. Robert White  •  Jun 29, 2012 @8:09 pm

    @Thorne – what hate? We don't hate bronies, we fear and revile them, or at least view them with suspicion unless we can get them into traces and pulling our wagons… 8-)

    [ASIDE: Bronies are not known for actually dressing up as ponies a-la "furries", they are known for getting together and watching "My Little Ponies - Friendship is Magic" in groups, talking about it excessively like 11 year old girls, and wearing the swag under their very-manly flannel shirts. In short they are pony-theemed soccer hooligans only all friendly and giggly. It's just -wrong-. 8-)]

  44. Michael  •  Jun 30, 2012 @11:09 am

    Re: your pony insurance

    You may want to call to see if the walls around your stable are high enough and stuff. I mean if David Bernstein wandered in and has suffered a similar tragedy" to Clark you know those lawyers can run up a bill.

    *http://www.volokh.com/2012/06/30/a-thought-about-chief-justice-roberts/

  45. mojo  •  Jul 2, 2012 @9:04 am

    Bronies are almost as sick as Furries.