IMPORTANT TSA TRAINING MEMORANDUM

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21 Responses

  1. Chris R. says:

    Thank god they didn't give me any crap when I was flying with my mother's ashes. I would have probably gone to jail. I am not a violent person, but seriously, you spill my loved one's ashes, I am going to punch you.

  2. Josh M. says:

    Ugh. It's too early for this, Ken. By which I mean I haven't had time to go home and start drinking to dull the pain of reading the various artciles this links too. Now what am I supposed to do for the rest of the day? Hit my head against the wall? Maintenance has already hollered at me twice about the dents I keep making!

  3. Josh M. says:

    …and apparently I'm too sober to type properly. *articles. Yeesh. Hi, wall, how are you doing…

  4. Reformed Republican says:

    Finding these types of items in areas where explosives could also be hidden is a testament that the technology works.

    Yes, but finding explosives would be a testament that the technology is needed. Since they are not finding explosives, I would argue that they are a waste of time and money.

  5. Gal says:

    I checked Amy Alkon's blog and where the search-box on the side says "search blog" I first read it as "search bag." I think that qualifies me as a TSA agent.

  6. Matt says:

    This has a Dave Barry feel to it, well done.

  7. Jess says:

    “In a Travel Leader's Group 2012 survey, they found that respondents were also asked if full-body scanners are a concern. Nearly three-quarters (74.4%) said that they were not worried about the scanners, which recent studies claim to use safe levels of radiation.”

    I’ve noted that nowhere does the TSA state the sample size of the respondents surveyed by the Travel Leader Group’s group or if in fact these respondents were frequent travelers. Doing a survey about opinions on the porno scanners using a statistically irrelevant pool of only .0005% of the traveling public is about as meaningful as conducting a survey to find out if people care if cows fart in space.

    Frankly though, the 74.4% that are not worried about the scanner are the same 74.4% who are willing to erode the rights of the remaining 25.6%. I find the ignorance and apathy of the 74.4% far more frightening than the TSA itself.

  8. GDad says:

    Ken,

    Do you have some kind of clairvoyance regarding the TSA? I just saw this on Teh Intarwebz, and you already had it read, analyzed, and written up. I salute you, sir!

  9. Janet C says:

    Well, apparently if you work for the TSA and spill ashes of human remains, the procedure is to laugh. Good to know, and thanks for keeping it dignified TSA.

  10. Amanda says:

    As far as the full body scanners, I know many in Europe were found to put out a dangerous amount of radiation. As far as I know, they have not been tested by anyone other than the TSA in America. Does anyone know if they do anything to make the whole experience more tolerable for people who have been sexually assaulted other than lie back and think of England?

  11. Bearman says:

    You had me sucked in with the first point…then I got it. (I'm slow sometimes) Did something similar in a cartoon last year.

    http://beartoons.com/2010/12/05/editorial-cartoon-tsa-pat-downs-again/

  12. Dustin says:

    "Just keep your eye on the balls."

    :D

  13. msa says:

    Along these lines, we got some bad news this month:

    http://police.amtrak.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=88:oconnors-farewell&catid=1:latest-news&Itemid=50

    Amtrak's Chief of Police has retired. Let's hope his replacement continues the tradition of telling TSA to snort their taint.

  14. Keith says:

    I was at JFK on Saturday. Terminal 5 was evacuated due to a "security issue".

    I later heard two TSA workers talking to one another. Apparently some dumbfuck had forgotten to plug in the metal detectors, and had not noticed for a couple of hours that nobody set it off, nor that none of the lights on the machine were lit.

  15. SPQR says:

    That's the usual level of TSA IQ,Keith. I once waited for three hours at DIA because some TSA twit let someone jump a rope. They cleared the entire secure area of DIA, and even required a half dozen aircraft to return to the airport.

    Complete morons.

  16. MJ says:

    I love how the old mantra was that if you didn't want to be molested by the TSA, you shouldn't fly. Of course this was said in a way to imply that you were somehow not patriotic enough. Now the TSA is extending their reach, like submitter msa indicated above, into rail travel. We have their VIPER teams on highways, and I've read about programs for local public transit. We are frogs in a lukewarm pot of water, just getting used to the ever-increasing temperature.

  17. Angela says:

    Due to disgust with the security theater at airports, I took to traveling Greyhound whenever I could stand to (and my time was flexible enough for it) some years ago. Never fear, though, CBP has plunged their hand into that, too. Now on a trip from Buffalo, NY to Cleveland, OH you can expect armed agents to get on somewhere in Pennsylvania and question you about your citizenship and immigration status. (I hear it happens on other routes, but don't have first-hand experience with those.) So far there's no strip searching or groping, but how far behind can that really be?

    Right now they ask if you're a citizen and if you say yes, they move on to pester the next person along, but if they ever decide to ask me to prove it … I've told my family that if they don't find me turning up when I am due, be sure to hunt pester Homeland Security about me. I'm a citizen, but I am not going to prove that just for the dubious privilege of taking a Greyhound from Buffalo to Cleveland.

  18. marco73 says:

    The Orlando ashes story was mindboggling.
    You are a TSA agent in Orlando Florida, and you have never seen human ashes?
    After oranges and sunburn, the largest export from Florida is dead bodies. (What, you think we want to bury all those old folks here?)
    If you fly on a flight that has originated in Florida, chances are that there are at least 2 dead bodies travelling in the cargo hold.
    That agent was just stupid or malicious, take your pick.

  19. Saedi Folluf says:

    I sincerely hope (but hopelessly, I feel) that this is one of those jokes. Some kind of satire, sarcasm, humor…anything but what I afraid it is – a clear sign that we are being herded into a cattle pen society while required to leave our brains out at the door.

  20. jess says:

    Correction to my earlier post. They surveyed exactly 855 people. If my math is right that's actually only about .0001% of the traveling public. But trust the TSA to tout this survey as proof that all the rest of us believe in and trust the TSA and enjoy having our naughty bits ogled at and/or groped.