You Forgot To Put A Cherry On Top

Irksome

I wish I knew the lawyer who turned these headlines:

RACY PHOTO FOUND IN LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK

RACY YEARBOOK PHOTO BLOWN OUT OF PROPORTION, OTHER PARENTS SAY

$100 HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK TAINTED WITH 'PORN' PHOTO, PARENTS SAY

DISTRICT SAYS STUDENT BARING GENITALS IN YEARBOOK WAS 'ACCIDENTAL' OR 'ILLUSION'

SCHOOL SYSTEM ISSUES SECOND RESPONSE TO YEARBOOK PHOTO CONTROVERSY

into the most abject and humiliating retraction I've ever read. I'd shake his hand. I'd buy him a beer.

Perhaps the ex-reporter at Charlotte, North Carolina's WSOC who is responsible for the stories and retraction could use a beer too.

We write a lot about abusive defamation suits, so it's worth remembering that They Also Serve who file these claims.

Last 5 posts by Patrick Non-White

16 Comments

16 Comments

  1. Chris Berez  •  Jun 15, 2012 @11:18 am

    So… wait. I don't get it. Did they file all these reports and not even bother to look at the photo in question? Seriously? One mentally unstable parent freaks out over some delusion and they just run with it?

  2. Hal_10000  •  Jun 15, 2012 @11:19 am

    Oh, the reporter was probably strung out on vodka-soaked tampons.

  3. Patrick  •  Jun 15, 2012 @11:22 am

    I don't know what happened specifically, because the stories are gone.

    All I know, based on the terms of that retraction, is that WSOC was facing firepower of such magnitude that Admiral Ackbar couldn't repel it.

  4. V  •  Jun 15, 2012 @11:23 am

    Ugh all-caps. Must be written by people from a legal department.

  5. bluntobject  •  Jun 15, 2012 @11:27 am

    And Hal wins the thread.

    Normally I find news-site comment threads to be the most virulent form of stupid on the internet, but I was disappointed to find none beneath that all-caps retraction/apology.

  6. Wilhelm Arcturus  •  Jun 15, 2012 @11:40 am

    The picture itself can be found via Google. I went looking, feeling I needed that to complete the story. The retracted headlines paint a much racier picture than reality, but the picture still made me say, "Da hell?"

  7. Hiccup  •  Jun 15, 2012 @12:42 pm

    "THAT THE YOUNG LADY THOUGHT ABOUT MAKING THIS LASTING IMPRESSION VAGINA FIRST…"

    I'm reading this as either she is going to start the movement by first showing her vagina, or that she considered taking her vagina on the road to do a bad Al Pacino in "Scent of a Woman" act.

    I know it's the first one.

    All I can picture now is someone on stage, sitting crosslegged on a stool. The lights come on and the legs come uncrossed, and from between them comes "Hoo-ah!"

  8. eddie  •  Jun 15, 2012 @1:10 pm

    "Admiral Ackbar couldn't repel it."

    IT'S ALL CAPS!

  9. Beauzeaux  •  Jun 15, 2012 @1:23 pm

    A motto to live by: Make a Lasting Impression — Vagina First!

  10. a_random_guy  •  Jun 15, 2012 @1:34 pm

    Here is a link, as long as it is live. Cut out of context, so it's hard to evaluate. If anything, it looks like the gown is badly designed and gaped open. She is holding a magazine. It doesn't look like an intentional pose, and the resolution is so poor that you really can't tell what underclothes she might be wearing.

    In short: much ado about nothing.

  11. a_random_guy  •  Jun 15, 2012 @1:35 pm

    Let's try that again. This ought to be a link

  12. AlphaCentauri  •  Jun 15, 2012 @3:53 pm

    I'm looking at the size of her shoulders and the apparent length and girth of her thigh — we can't be seeing up as far as we seem to be seeing.

  13. John Pomeroy  •  Jun 15, 2012 @8:46 pm

    But this story is nowhere near as interesting as one below it: "Shelby woman castrates man with bare hands, police say" Her BARE HANDS. I can't even imagine it.

  14. Sass  •  Jun 16, 2012 @6:14 am

    I agree with AlphaCentauri.

    Whether it is or isn't, though, it's time to return skirt lengths to something lower than crotch length. A little mystery is a good thing.

  15. AlphaCentauri  •  Jun 16, 2012 @7:46 am

    Sass, yeah short skirts/low cut waistlines + thong underwear is just too much information.

  16. GeekChick  •  Jun 16, 2012 @10:05 pm

    Ah reminds me of:

    Archie: I do. I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice, and I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future.