How Ken Bought the City of Middleborough a New Police Car

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20 Responses

  1. Tam says:

    I have been holding my breath awaiting the Official Popehat Response to this inane ordinance.

    I am not disappointed. :D

  2. CTrees says:

    So, unless I'm off, I count 57 uses of variations of fuck, shit, or ass. Just over 10% of the words in the body of the article. Pretty good density!

  3. piperTom says:

    There's only 47 fucks in there, Ken. That'll be $940, per… per reading? I'd guess a good copmobile would be $40K. So, you need 42+ readers in Middleborough. …make that 42 who will pay the fine. Not likely.

  4. Reformed Republican says:

    Alternate headline: Middleborough Residents Declare "Fuck Free Speech"

  5. Randall says:

    Insert Sylvester Stallone in Demolition Man reference here

  6. ShelbyC says:

    Good one with the "package store", but why put it in caps?

  7. Z says:

    Shit, you pissant little cocksucking bastards, here's some damned gas money,

  8. Sean says:

    This is the town over from the one I live in. Very few people have heard about it, strangely. Shame, I'd love to organize some sort of swear-in.

  9. Uhhh, Are you sure this was happening in Massachusetts? My experience living in New England once again is that this example is surprisingly low on the use of the words retard and retarded.

  10. Derrick says:

    I agree Michael, but I left the word out intentionally. It's uncouth.

  11. Stephen says:

    @piperTom

    Derrick actually wrote the article. I see it as a Conan-esque ploy to spend all the overlords money before moving on to greener pastures.

    :shock:

    Does that mean Derrick is going to a less viewed blog but with better demographics?

  12. slambie says:

    Holy fuck, this is fucking awesome.
    …I wonder if Portland has a fucking package store.

  13. Dan Irving says:

    I wonder what will happen when all those upstanding citizens Middleborough no longer have any fucks to give?

  14. slambie says:

    Fucking taint snorters.

  15. max says:

    M. Baldelli:

    Are you some kind of 'tard? The re- is only used when the adjective fuckin' precedes the word. Thus you should have noted a lack of the words 'tard and 'tarded.

    A person is a 'tard or a fuckin' retard. This law is 'tarded or fuckin' retarded. It can become confusing because a person might be a 'tarded fucker, got to watch that the adjective precedes the word.

    Also a New England usage note: the inclusion of the -g at the end of the word fuckin' indicates a strong emphasis, usually anger. Thus "I'm gonna beat the fucking shit of that 'tarded cocksucker" is a serious threat while "get you're fuckin' shit outta my fuckin' way, asswipe" is a friendly greeting.

  16. Laurie says:

    As a proud resident of Massachusetts, I'm afraid I must express my respectful disagreement with the Middleboro ordinance.

    As the upstanding citizens in Derrick's post rightly point out, no one wants their town dirtied with the sort of immature bullshit fucking language the ordinance is designed to fucking prevent. However, I fear the end result of such an ordinance will only be to give more goddamn attention to the kind of dickwad fucking behavior that is best ignored as the childish, cocksucking douchebaggery that it truly is.

    It is true, of course, that some of Middleboro's fucking infrastructure could absa-fucking-lutely use a motherfucking overhaul. And it never hurts to have some additional fucking revenue coming into a town's fucking coffers. But I fear said fucking revenue is outweighed by the bad publicity generated by the dickishly overbearing, speech-impeding nature of the goddamn ordinance.

    On a side note, I am happy to see though, that if the interviews in the post are any indication, we residents of Massachusetts can at least still agree on the most basic and foundational of principles: the Yankees fucking suck.

  17. Ancel De Lambert says:

    I am motherfucking tired of these motherfucking Nannies in my motherfucking country! I'm opening the door.

  18. Josh says:

    As a displaced New Englander, I have only this to say:

    God-fuckin'-dammit, Middleborough is wicked fuckin' retarded.

  19. Xenocles says:

    As an ex-Masshole, well done.

  20. @Derrick Uncouth? Since when have New Englanders ever been couth?! /sarcasm