Arkansas Senator Mark Pryor: Ashamed To Be Called A Prostitute, But Proud To Be A Thug

Politics & Current Events

At least some prostitutes have a sense of humor.

A Tuesday evening press release published by PR Newswire announced that the winner of Girls Gone Wild’s “Search for the Hottest Girl in America” would land in an unlikely place: an office on Capitol Hill.

Not only would she win the coveted title of “Hottest Girl in America,” she would also get a four-week internship in the office of Arkansas Democratic Sen. Mark Pryor.

To be clear, I know of no credible allegations that Arkansas Democratic Senator Mark Pryor has ever sold his body for the sexual pleasure of paying customers.  Any implication that Pryor is a prostitute arises naturally from his status as a United States Senator. It isn't his virtue that Pryor sells: He had to sell that to be elected in the first place.  No, if Pryor is a prostitute, it's because he daily sells his vote to the highest bidder in return for campaign contributions.

Senator Mark Pryor

The release itself, to be clear, does not directly call Mark Pryor a prostitute.  It merely takes advantage of justified public cynicism about Congressional morals, and perhaps Arkansas politicians in general, in a crass attempt to make a buck.

So we've established that Mark Pryor is probably not a prostitute, literally speaking.

As for Pryor's qualifications as a thug, we're on firmer ground.  He's called in the Federal Bureau of Investigation, demanding that the author of an obviously parodic press release be prosecuted for "fraudulent impersonation", "attempted fraudulent sale of a government office", and unauthorized use of the Great Seal of the United States Senate, whatever that means.

How obvious is it that the press release was a parody?  Judge for yourself by reading the (now edited) original:

According to [Girls Gone Wild founder Joe] Francis, "At this time more than ever, women need strong representation in Washington. Women's issues and rights have been completely assaulted by the Republican candidates during this year's Republican primaries." Francis goes on to say, "When this opportunity presented itself, I felt there was no better way to empower women than to send the winner of Girls Gone Wild's 'Search for the Hottest Girl in America' contest to Washington D.C. I truly believe that women, not men, should be making decisions for women in this country."'

No doubt the overreaction on Pryor's part came from his surprise at learning that Joe Francis is not an advocate for women's issues, and that "Girls Gone Wild" is not a feminist wilderness conservation society.

Pryor knows that the FBI will inform him that no crimes were committed in the writing of this press release, though it's certainly possible that tits were shown.  That makes him none the less a thug, threatening criminal prosecution from his perch in the United States Senate over an obvious prank, and wasting the time and resources of the FBI in the bargain, time that agents could have spent on vital government business such as walking illegal guns into neighboring countries, entrapping 17 year old boys in false plots to blow up non-existent buildings, or planting electronic listening devices in houses of worship.

All for nothing: it's damned hard to make Joe Francis look like a good guy, and Senator Mark Pryor isn't up to that task.  Unfortunately, it's easy to make the Senate and Congress look like a corrupt cesspit of bloviating thugs, and for that, I guess, Mark Pryor can be proud.

Last 5 posts by Patrick Non-White

9 Comments

9 Comments

  1. C. S. P. Schofield  •  Apr 26, 2012 @6:02 am

    It may be beyond the Senator's ability to make Pryor look like a good guy (I'm by no means clear that would be possible), but by attacking him the Senator has made it clear that the Senator has nothing better to do with his time than keep up with the news releases of Girls Gone Wild. I wonder if one could find out just how familiar the Senator and his staff (no pun intended) are with the videos. Is it possible that tax money has been spent on a course of comparison of secondary sex characteristics?

  2. C. S. P. Schofield  •  Apr 26, 2012 @6:04 am

    Sorry, for Pryor, read Francis. I should't post before the caffeine kicks in.

  3. Ken  •  Apr 26, 2012 @7:55 am

    Damn, we missed you.

  4. EH  •  Apr 26, 2012 @8:04 am

    The thing you do is call Sen. Pryor's office and ask him if this action is all his idea. One thing politicians hate is being pinned down before the results are in.

  5. mojo  •  Apr 26, 2012 @8:09 am

    It's called "humor", Senator. Possibly you've heard of it.

  6. SPQR  •  Apr 26, 2012 @8:42 am

    It takes a lot of work to make yourself look scummier than Francis, but Pryor is not afraid of hard work!

  7. Maggie McNeill  •  Apr 26, 2012 @9:00 am

    Most of the prostitutes I know have a sense of humor, but a few are as incredibly humorless as your average politician or radical feminist. It might be worth pointing out, however, that I don't know a single prostitute who doesn't rightfully look down on the mercenary amorality of the typical politician.

  8. Bob  •  Apr 27, 2012 @1:10 pm

    In the senator's defense, the humor of the press release is a little more sophisticated than fart jokes or videos of dogs chasing fireworks and he may not have realized it was there.

  9. Joe  •  Apr 27, 2012 @7:42 pm

    The five most feared words for just about any Arkansas politician are, ‘Will the defendant please rise’.”