It's time for the Road to Popehat, the periodic feature in which we check out the traffic logs, determine what searches brought you here, and wonder whether an airburst-generated EMP pulse would really be such an awful thing.
This time, we're giving the people what they want. Specifically, lots of people come to Popehat looking for love. Why not? It's a place where people with similar interests and values congregate. Who are we to judge, or stand in the way? Let's see if we can offer some sage advice to people based on the search queries they used to get here, and even get some of these lonely seekers together.
nerd problems: I know, right? It's tough out there if you're not mainstream. But don't worry. There's someone out there that shares your interests. What kind of person are you looking for?
man who thinks he's a vampire in Massachusetts: Great! You've got a "type." Now, you want a strategy for your date. What are you guys going to talk about?
vampire political views: Uh, you know, politics can be dicey on a first date — but it's good you're looking for any sensitive subjects or hot-button issues. Are there any topics you feel very strongly abuot that you may want to avoid?
hot dogs kill children: Yeah — I think we'll leave that for the second or third date. Let's keep it light. Now. How do you envision this date ending?
going down on a man who isn't circumcised: Whoah whoah whoah! Slow down there! Let's set reasonable expectations! Take it slow.
brotherly kisses Much better. Look, I think you're ready. Now, you crazy kids go have fun. And be sure to come back and tell us how it went.
how to sue through the internet: Uh-oh.