He Doesn't Write About Dicks Much. But When He Does, He Needs Footnotes.

Effluvia

Who is the most inappropriate man in the world?

He represents both sides in the Great Ape War.

He uses the Socratic method to intimidate law professors.

He doesn't use Latin much. When he does, he uses it to tell his opponents that their men, women, and children will be mercilessly slain.

He doesn't know whether Glen Beck raped and killed a girl in 1990. But if you think Beck did, he's happy to make sure you can say so.

He doesn't advocate sex offender registries. He openly advocates self-help castrations.

Lots of people hate SLAPP-suiters. He tells them to shut the fuck up on phone calls with their lawyers.

And now, his latest:

When most people see a phallic symbol in an advertisement, they laugh. When he sees a phallic symbol in an advertisement, he writes a brief to the Patent & Trademark Office defending it, employing a brief artistic, social, and philosophical history of dicks, footnotes about dicks, and multiple exhibits about dicks, all immaculately bluebooked:

We could go on forever in our survey of American phallic structures: The Coit Tower of San Francisco (Exhibit J), the Sunsphere in Knoxville (Exhibit K) and the Municipal Tower in Seattle (Exhibit L) among them. We use the phallus as a symbol of power, and prior to now, no government official has sought to disfavor such expression. The fact is, towers are, by definition, phalluses. Even the very building in which the USPTO expresses the phallic code. (Exhibit M). This newfound aghast reaction to the phallus is decidedly shocking.

His name is Marc Randazza. And he is the most inappropriate man in the world.

Last 5 posts by Ken White

6 Comments

4 Comments

  1. John David Galt  •  Aug 22, 2011 @11:46 am

    Now I see why he's so eager to take the content-owners' side in cases against accused downloaders.

  2. Jag  •  Aug 22, 2011 @11:51 am

    That brief is brilliant and hysterical.

  3. Rliyen  •  Aug 22, 2011 @3:00 pm

    I don't always sue.

    But when I do (and want to look like a buffoon), I always call Marc Randazza.

  4. Rliyen  •  Aug 22, 2011 @3:02 pm

    Crap…. Totally missed the humor…. Bad me.

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