In Which Ken Asks His Secretary To Clear His Schedule Later So He Can Apologize For Completely Losing His Shit Like This

Effluvia

Whose side am I on?

You vulgar, upjumped, snake-oil-selling, midway-barker huckster. You venal, amoral, mendacious harpy. You vile, preening, scheming hack. Whose side am I on? I'm on the side of fuck you, bitch. I'm on the side of the Constitution, limited government, limited executive power to kill people, limited executive power to put our armed forces at risk, and the rule of motherfucking law. I can't believe there was a time when I couldn't grasp why people despised you. Whose side am I on? You Senator, can you name a nanosecond when you've ever been on anyone's side but your own?

That's whose side I'm on. What's it to you?

Last 5 posts by Ken

41 Comments

36 Comments

  1. wfgodbold  •  Jun 24, 2011 @2:21 pm

    I feel like GLaDOS in Portal 2 during the lemon rant.

    Yeah!

    He says what we're all thinking!

  2. Highway  •  Jun 24, 2011 @2:25 pm

    That… was awesome.

    Thanks.

  3. Ima Wurdibitsch  •  Jun 24, 2011 @6:43 pm

    Don't you dare EVER apologize for that. It was beautiful.

  4. Grandy  •  Jun 24, 2011 @7:42 pm

    I guess my question is this. If it was so ridiculous/awful when the Bush administration/ardent supporters of the bush administration did it, how is this at all justified? Oh, I know, "this time it's our team".

    Am I forgetting incidetns where democrats were suggesting opponents of obama-care weren't patriotic?

  5. gj  •  Jun 24, 2011 @8:32 pm

    Bravo!

  6. mendel feldsher  •  Jun 25, 2011 @5:04 am

    how do you really feel?

  7. RIch  •  Jun 25, 2011 @5:55 am

    Throwing you elegant slings and arrows at the executive for doing what the executive branch has always done is pointless. Throw some arrows at the Legislative branch who could very easily de-fund it. In fact it is there duty to do so. They are the ones who should be getting yelled at. However they love to sit back and watch the attention and the anger slung pointlessly at the wrong target. They are laughing all the way to the bank.

  8. Roland  •  Jun 25, 2011 @7:48 am

    RIch, you do realize defunding it won't stop Obama from funding it through NATO? Defunding would be a useless gesture that would be likely to backfire politically, as the situation would be played by the media as an heroic Obama embattled in his struggle to 'help the Libyan people' on the one hand while he's also struggling with an 'obstructionist Republican House trying to protect the terror monger, a mass murderer of Americans, by failing to support our troops' on the other.

    I have absolutely no doubt Obama wants Congress to try to defund it.

  9. Chris Berez  •  Jun 25, 2011 @12:20 pm

    Well said, Ken. I completely agree.

  10. RIch  •  Jun 25, 2011 @4:11 pm

    Roland so what you are telling me is that Congress does not have the guts to stand up for the constitution because it would make them unpopular. That is all The executive branches fault as well. Poor Congress stuck between a rock and doing the right thing. IF he funds it through Nato would that make it constitutional? IT is a treaty that congress has apoved. I dont know I have a sticky cap lock and dont care enought to spell check. Maybe one of you smart guys can explain How its the executive branches fault that congress is not doing its job because they are scared.

  11. David  •  Jun 25, 2011 @4:29 pm

    You're either for binary thinking xor you're against binary thinking xor null.

  12. JW  •  Jun 25, 2011 @7:40 pm

    :::claps::: :::whistles::: :::gives Ken a good fist pump:::

  13. Rliyen  •  Jun 26, 2011 @8:39 am

    Nothing more to add than you're exactly right. I always thought Hillary was duplicitous, this just reinforced it.

    Never apologize for the truth.

  14. C. S. P. Schofield  •  Jun 26, 2011 @9:55 am

    What galls me most is the pointlessness of the entire episode. If Obama was attacking Libya in some way that accomplished something other than using some rather expensive munitions, there would be a point. If Obama was flat out saying "The War Powers Act is wrong, repeal it or Impeach me" there would be some point. Even if all Obama was doing was to try to gain some Mach points, if he was conducting the hostilities in a way that accomplished that goal, there would be some point.

    Similarly; if the Republicans in Congress were "Opposing" Obama in some way that had the potential to bring the attacks on Libya to an end, there would be some point. But they aren't. Their actions are purely symbolic, and what they symbolize if impotence.

    As for Hillary; this is a woman whose rise to power was based on turning a blind eye to her husband's inability to keep his pants on. Anyone who didn't realize long before this that she is an unprincipled bitch is a little slow on the uptake.

  15. John David Galt  •  Jun 26, 2011 @11:51 am

    "Turning a blind eye to her husband's inability to keep his pants on" does not show a lack of principle on Hillary's part since she is the only "victim". One must look at least a little farther. Which is not to say she isn't unprincipled.

  16. C. S. P. Schofield  •  Jun 26, 2011 @1:05 pm

    The only reason I can think of for Hillary to ignore Bill's "My pants have fallen and I can't get them up" problem is that divorcing him would have meant abandoning her proximity to power. Or, to put it another way, she engaged in a sham marriage in order to gain fame and power. That's lack of principles, in my book.

  17. Kelly James  •  Jun 26, 2011 @1:17 pm

    That is fucking fabulous. "I'm on the side of fuck you, bitch" is definitely the quote of the day. Probably of the week as well. LOL.

    However, I must respectfully disagree on this:

    "You Senator, can you name a nanosecond when you’ve ever been on anyone’s side but your own?"

    That statement gives her too much credit; the Senator can always be found on the side that best suits her political advancement, regardless of philosophical consistency. Being on her own side would be far more ethical. Instead she sides with the highest bidder; a perfect little constitutional whore.

  18. GT  •  Jun 26, 2011 @2:30 pm

    This is priceless… here's a political protip: if you ever find that you're outraged by the actions or statements of the vermin who comprise the political class, stick a fork in your leg, twist it hard, then pour on maybe a little lemon juice.

    Because that's LESS stupid than expecting career parasites to say or do anything that is consistent with advancing liberty or human dignity. Dumbass "us vs them", Democrat/Republican, liberal/conservative dichotomies are the stuff of the moronic sub-Delta – stuff that was stupid when it existed in Byzantium and has not got any smarter. Belonging to a political deme is retarded.

    Folks who can read and write have no excuse not to be aware that the political class are evil; a functioning internet connection only makes any continued expectation of non-evil more obviously due to negligence (or Dunning-Kruger).

  19. Borepatch  •  Jun 26, 2011 @3:46 pm

    Seems that she's questioning your patriotism. Not to mention crushing your dissent.

    This is my shocked face. But remember, these people are smarter (and nicer) than you and me.

  20. Anne  •  Jun 26, 2011 @5:17 pm

    Spec-fucking-tacular!!!

  21. Steve in ATL  •  Jun 26, 2011 @5:48 pm

    Ken,

    You forgot "supercilious."

  22. Hoover  •  Jun 26, 2011 @5:56 pm

    Don't hold back, Ken – tell us what you REALLY feel… :D

  23. Hugh Akston  •  Jun 26, 2011 @10:52 pm

    Fuckin' A.

  24. Darwin  •  Jun 27, 2011 @9:25 am

    Could have done without the harrpy part.

  25. John  •  Jun 27, 2011 @10:04 am

    Out-fucking-standing. I can't think of a more deserving twatwaffle to receive such eloquent remarks.

  26. Rick C  •  Jun 27, 2011 @12:31 pm

    I find this post improves if you imagine Ken channelling Dennis Miller in Demolition Man, like so: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JizGkM6gbvQ

  27. Dr. Feelgood  •  Jun 27, 2011 @1:56 pm

    Rick, that's Dennis Leary

  28. mojo  •  Jun 27, 2011 @2:58 pm

    You left out "carpetbagging"…

  29. LadyBastiat  •  Jun 28, 2011 @3:40 am

    No worries sir since this now appears at the bottom of the page:

    Comments for this page are closed.

    Then again, all negative responses along with corresponding IP information was probably sent to the FBI the minute you posted. What's that … a knock at your door?

  30. Mandy  •  Jun 28, 2011 @8:05 am

    With the exception of "harpy" and "bitch," sums up how I feel about the entire administration. But, Ken, you are above those terms. Leave that to Patrick.

  31. Ken  •  Jun 28, 2011 @8:08 am

    I suppose I could have used "asshole" instead of "bitch." I didn't feel that restraint was called for under these circumstances.

    And I'm not above Patrick in any respect. We all float down here.

  32. Rick C  •  Jun 28, 2011 @9:30 am

    Dr. Feelgood, thanks for the correction.

  33. Mandy  •  Jun 28, 2011 @11:01 am

    I do prefer the generic "asshole" to the more gender-specific "bitch." Also acceptable would have been "jackass" "shithead" "pissant."

  34. SPQR  •  Jun 28, 2011 @11:36 am

    Not sure I see what is offensive about harpy, given how descriptive it is in this instance.

  35. Dr. Feelgood  •  Jun 28, 2011 @3:13 pm

    Any time ;)

    Miller has some good rants, too.

  36. Norm Winne  •  Jun 29, 2011 @9:16 am

    WOW… I wish I could toung-lash like that! GO KEN!!!

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