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Martindale, You Are Slowing Down!

Jun 4, 2010
By .
Law Practice

I was dismayed that it has been more than twenty days since our monthly payments to Martindale-Hubble has yielded someone wanting us to sue because of involuntarily implanted microchips.

Mind you, there have been plenty of other calls, by deadbeats and yahoos and crazies of every stripe. We've had a run recently on people who wanted to hire us to sue their prior lawyers. Often those prior lawyers had been hired to sue the lawyers before that, and so on. These people are mortally offended when I pass.

But there had been no secret-implant cases for, as I said, more than 20 days. I was feeling lonely and unloved by my fellow mentally ill people.

Fortunately I got a call today. It's wasn't a microchip. It was a medical device with a very long name that releases mind-altering substances at a precise time every day to enable a medical cabal to interfere with the proper operation of the potential client's business. Secretly implanted, of course. And not in the head this time. Somewhere in the abdomen region.

I feel loved again. I let her down easy.

That is, by my count, five calls from people wanting us to sue for involuntary mind-control or surveillance devices since we started paying Martindale.

Who is more unbalanced — them for calling, or us for having a contract with Martindale?

Last 5 posts by Ken White

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4 Comments

  1. Doug  •  Jun 5, 2010 @11:51 am

    But that is what you all really wanted, wasn't it? You want those crazies calling you and asking you to sue the county or city over mind control or whatever they can think of. You need something to fill this blog, and paying Martindale is the way to go. I vote you also consider Findlaw. Really, you need the crazies in your practice to make the rest look sane.

  2. SPQR  •  Jun 6, 2010 @3:12 pm

    I don't know … sounds like there ought to be a lot of money in that practice area …

  3. Vice Magnet  •  Jun 6, 2010 @10:11 pm

    Off topic a bit, I read the title and felt compelled to check whether Wink Martindale was still alive, and to my surprise he is. Also Chuck Woolery is too. I don't think they think they have microchips implanted in them for controlling them or anything.

  4. G Thompson  •  Jun 7, 2010 @10:20 pm

    Have you ever considered the possibility that Martindale is controlling your thoughts by insidious means… you know… advertising! Da dun dun Daaaaaaaaaa!!!! ;)

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