Obama Dirty Tricks Campaign Includes NFL Players, Pancakes, Placenta

Politics & Current Events

Nixon had his CREEP and enemies lists and dirty tricks and ratfucking. Clinton had his string of assassinations of political enemies, conducted so covertly and skillfully that they could only be uncovered by people who make a living by selling VHS tapes through the mail. Bush had Gitmo.

But that's just not how Obama rolls. If you fuck with him, you may find him thwarting your run for state office by propping up an ex-NFL player to run against you and then torpedoing your campaign by hiring guerrilla artists to circulate oil paintings of you giving birth to a pancake. Or possibly a placenta; its hard to tell whether that's a pat of butter or some sort of afterbirth.

At least that's what the reliably crazy real estate agent/dentist/lawyer Orly Taitz believes:

Exihibit A, says Taitz, is a series of paintings of her by Dan Lacey, the so-called “pancake painter,” who achieved minor celebrity during the 2008 presidential race for his numerous depictions of a naked, muscular Obama perched atop a unicorn. He’s also painted Sarah Palin, John McCain and Mother Theresa, among other famous figures, with a pile of pancakes atop their heads.

But Taitz doesn't feel flattered to be in such company. She maintains that the painting titled Orly Taitz, Pancake Birther actually portrays her holding a placenta rather than a pancake. "This is really despicable,” she says, theorizing that one of her many political enemies put Lacey up to the work.

Which enemies are those? Why, it's the CIA, using the Goldfish Fanciers to attack the Orbital Mind-Control Lasers to control. Wait, I mean it's Obama and his supporters, who want to prevent her from winning the election for California Secretary of State and thus demanding that Obama produce his birth certificate and reveal the NSA's secret tinfoil hat technology.

Dammit. It's impossible to satirize this woman. I feel so powerless.

Last 5 posts by Ken White

5 Comments

5 Comments

  1. Chris  •  May 19, 2010 @6:38 am

    "… it’s the CIA, using the Goldfish Fanciers to attack the Orbital Mind-Control Lasers to control"

    Any day where you can make that joke to an audience that will get it is a good day.

  2. Michael  •  May 19, 2010 @11:44 am

    Just in case you missed it, here she is chumming it up with Bachmann. Only two more horseman to go.

  3. CTrees  •  May 19, 2010 @12:38 pm

    Palin and Coulter?

  4. matt  •  May 19, 2010 @1:27 pm

    lol nice

  5. Pat Cahalan  •  May 21, 2010 @11:28 am

    Bonus points for multiple original Illuminati card references.

    Although, clearly, Obama would be using Professional Sports, controlled by the International Communist Conspiracy, to attack to neutralize Republicans.

    Once the Republicans are back in the kitty, *then* he'll use the Orbital Mind Control Lasers to make his attack to destroy the Republicans that much easier.

    It goes without saying that Obama is a Servant of Cthulhu.