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Like Clockwork

Nov 3, 2009
By .
Law Practice

Every time I have an appellate argument scheduled, I break out in a rash on my upper lip. The result: I look like a skanky rent-boy wearing cheap smeared lipstick. Is it stress? It shouldn't be — appellate arguments are fun, and less stressful than the other stuff on my plate. Is it that I've tended to draw appellate arguments at this time of year, when some sort of allergy to the gunk blowing around in the autumnal winds does this to me? Perhaps. But I prefer to think it is Fate. I am fated to look ridiculous every time I appear before an appellate court. Query: what did I do to earn such bad karma?

Last 5 posts by Ken

8 Comments
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8 Comments

  1. CTrees  •  Nov 3, 2009 @8:54 am

    You haven't tried putting on a little makeup to cover that up? Just sayin', it sounds like your appearance issues are by your choice.

  2. Professor Coldheart  •  Nov 3, 2009 @10:08 am

    Every time I have an appellate argument scheduled, I break out in a rash on my upper lip. The result: I look like a skanky rent-boy wearing cheap smeared lipstick.

    I know that this blog isn't the market for lawyer jokes – or at least, obvious lawyer jokes – but c'mon! You can't just lob one over the plate like that!

  3. matt  •  Nov 3, 2009 @12:23 pm

    dress up in a clown suit before you go into court that way no one will notice your lip lol

  4. laiq  •  Nov 3, 2009 @1:57 pm

    Obviously you need to grow a moustache.

  5. smurfy  •  Nov 3, 2009 @1:59 pm

    You need a friend willing to land a couple of good punches so they will think you got in a fight, or go ask your doctor for an acyclovir prescription.

  6. mojo  •  Nov 3, 2009 @3:00 pm

    "Do Not Annoy Mr. Happy-Fun Court"

    http://cbs2chicago.com/local/mchenry.contempt.court.2.1288146.html

  7. astonied  •  Nov 3, 2009 @11:26 pm

    Go to the mountain. Find a dark cave. Sit in the cave until the reason for your bad karma is revealed no matter how long it takes. The answer is yours with the proper show of restraint and patience.

  8. linus  •  Nov 4, 2009 @11:11 am

    I will trade you straight up for "excessive crack sweat which approximates the look of incontinence". It's not cause I'm nervous, I swear, it's just something about appellate argument.

    And cracks.