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Her Boyfriend's Back, and Mike Duvall Will Be In Trouble

Sep 10, 2009
By .
Politics & Current Events

Oh, Mike Duvall. Every time we've grasped the full scope of your idiocy and asshattery, we learn that we've only glimpsed a scintilla of it.

Yesterday I talked about how Mike resigned his California Assembly seat after he chose, in an Assembly hearing room with an open microphone, to boast to a colleague in graphic terms about screwing a lobbyist and some other unspecified person. I updated when he resigned. I noted that his "apologies" were of the "sure am embarrassed that I got caught" variety.

Today Duvall's showing that he's even a bigger ass than previously thought:

I want to make it clear that my decision to resign is in no way an admission that I had an affair or affairs. My offense was engaging in inappropriate story-telling and I regret my language and choice of words. The resulting media coverage was proving to be an unneeded distraction to my colleagues and I resigned in the hope that my decision would allow them to return to the business of the state.

So. Let's see. Here are the possibilities:

1. He didn't have any affairs. But he did dishonestly boast about having screwed a specific woman, using rather nauseating details, thus falsely painting her as (1) someone who cheated on her husband, (2) someone who helped him cheat on his wife, (3) someone who engaged in sex in the Assembly building, (4) someone who complimented him in nauseating terms regarding bodily fluids, and (5) a lobbyist willing to screw an the co-chair of the committee regulating her client's industry. He regards this as "story-telling" and an issue of "choice of words." Also, he thinks his colleagues will be impressed with him, and appreciate him, if he tells them he cheats on his wife with multiple women and screws lobbyists. So he's a sophomoric scumbag who spread rumors that threatened not only a lobbyist's personal reputation, but her career. He's also a phenomenally stupid scumbag, to boast about such stuff next to a microphone in a public hearing room.

2. He did have the affairs. So he's prolonging the news cycles about himself, and about the lobbyist, in order to clarify that he's only willing to apologize for boasting about the affairs. So he's an asshole, and an idiot.

Seriously, Mike. Just shut up. You aren't making life any easier for yourself.

Last 5 posts by Ken

13 Comments
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13 Comments

  1. Jag  •  Sep 10, 2009 @12:08 pm

    I love this story. Having it gift wrapped in Ken's prose just makes it that much better.

    Apparently she's denying the 'speculative media reports'.
    http://totalbuzz.freedomblogging.com/2009/09/09/heres-the-lobbyist-duvall-allegedly-hooked-up-with/21281/

  2. Cheezr  •  Sep 10, 2009 @1:32 pm

    You missed #3. I am not admitting to anything that could cause me to go to jail for conflict of interest…

  3. Shaun  •  Sep 10, 2009 @4:35 pm

    I really don't understand how he thinks he, or she, can convince people they weren't having an affair. The original news article already said that the two of them had been seen around town together and was "one of the worst kept secrets".

    You've already betrayed people by betraying your morals, isn't it time to stand up, put your hand up and say, "Yes, I screwed up and it's time for me to go." I eagerly await the divorce proceedings that will follow.

  4. Shay  •  Sep 10, 2009 @5:52 pm

    I think this is the 3rd time in less than a month that I've had to publicly cite Proverbs 17:28.

    (Actually, four, but two were on Mark Sanford).

  5. Shaun  •  Sep 10, 2009 @9:51 pm

    Kevin over at Lowering the Bar has dubbed him "Open Mike" Duvall.

    Now why couldn't I have thought of something that witty, damn it?

  6. astonied  •  Sep 10, 2009 @11:44 pm

    This is why women should be running all forms of government. Give men a little power and the eruption turns into a full blown Chernobyl event.

  7. astonied  •  Sep 11, 2009 @12:42 am

    Oh and one more thing I can only hope that we hear the female lobbyist say over an open mike "And while I am not completely sure it was one, it looked like a penis…only a lot smaller."

    Can I use the word penis on this site?

  8. TomH  •  Sep 11, 2009 @6:26 am

    Ah myopic-in-group-empowerment, thy name is Astonied.

    Don't forget, the other person (2 actually) involved with The Imbecile were of the female persuasion, whom you so exalt as ideal leaders of society. According to the blog comment, at least one of them was married herself. Just not in a position to announce her salacious ways on an open microphone.

    Don't worry, as time progresses, women will assume equal opportunity to oppress humanity and act (as this blog is wont to say) like asshats. I am sure much progress towards equality has been made already.

    Regardless, your second comment is too funny :)

  9. Patrick  •  Sep 11, 2009 @6:52 am

    You can use that word, Astonied, but only in comments or on the forum.

  10. Nancy  •  Sep 11, 2009 @7:35 am

    If I were any of the three women involved in this mess, I would kill him.

    And I bet the jury would let me go.

  11. Markah  •  Sep 11, 2009 @11:36 am

    Ken, I've never read your bog before, but I am really enjoying these posts!

    – Mark

  12. astonied  •  Sep 11, 2009 @4:29 pm

    Tom it was SUPPOSE to be a funny double entendre. But hey, I'll bite. Women in power don't do these things only the women who will never get there do….either that or the women in power are smart enough not to get caught. Or it could be that by the time they get into powerful positions they are too old and tired for sex. Hillary…nope, Bill…yep; Margaret Thatcher…nope, Profumo Affair..'nef said; Angela Merkel…nope; John Edwards; Mark Foley; the Newt; Wayne Hayes; Spitzer; Mark Sanford…and the list goes on and on.

  13. Scott Jacobs  •  Sep 14, 2009 @6:21 am

    Obviously, Mike Duvall is taking advice from Gov Sandford…