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Sep 9, 2009 
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Everyone, meet Mike Duvall.
Hi, Mike!
Mike is a Republican member of the California State Assembly from Orange County. Mike — who is married — is a strong supporter of “family values.” In 2008 he condemned efforts to “condone” gay marriage. He earns strong approval from conservative groups:
Such thinking impressed certain constituencies. Earlier this year, the man who never graduated from high school received “100 percent” approval scores by the California Republican Assembly, the state’s leading conservative outfit, and the Capitol Resource Institute (CRI), a fierce guardian of traditional family values.
“Assemblyman Duvall has been a consistent trooper for the conservative causes,” CRI president Karen England announced in March. “For the last two years, he has voted time and time again to protect and preserve family values in California. We are grateful for his support of California families.’”
Acknowledging the CRI award, Duvall observed in a press release that as long as he is in office, he would work to protect “California families” from “constant assault in Sacramento.”
I should hasten to add that failure to graduate from high school is not a requirement for endorsement by the CRA.
Anyway, Mike has recently joined the Assembly’s Rules Committee, which oversees ethics.
You know exactly where this is going already, don’t you?
Yep, Mike didn’t realize that the dias microphones in hearing rooms at the California Assembly are usually on. And so just before a hearing, on an open mic, he regaled a fellow Republican with boasting about how he was screwing a 20-years-younger lobbyist for California energy behemoth Sempra Energy. He did so in rather vivid terms that revealed that he is screwing a lobbyist without wearing a condom, which strikes me as less than optimal.
By the way, Mike is vice-chair of the Assembly’s Assembly’s Committee on Utilities & Commerce. Just in case that is relevant.
Mike isn’t a one-woman man. Or a two-woman man, as it turns out:
He referenced a second, simultaneous affair with another woman. He seemed amused that he was cheating on both his wife and a mistress.
“Oh, yeah, Sher, Shar, Shar,” Duvall said. “Oh, she is hot! I talked to her yesterday. She goes, ‘So are we finished?’ I go, ‘No, we’re not finished.’ I go, ‘You know about the other one [Barsuglia], but she doesn’t know about you!’”
The assemblyman punctuated his observation with laughter.
Mike enjoys life.
OK, so the hypocrisy angle has become so familiar as to be banal. And conservative hypocrisy is but one flavor; plenty of liberal leaders crow about the importance of individual liberty while enacting economic and regulatory programs that crush it.
But I have to ask: seriously, if you are going into politics for a steady supply of ass (of whatever gender) — and plenty of people do — would it kill you to just shut the fuck up about family values? Here’s Mike’s apology as of this morning:
I made a mistake and I sincerely apologize. I deeply regret the comments I made in what I believed to be a private conversation. This is a private matter and I ask that everyone respect the privacy of all involved.
Here’s the thing, Mike. First, apologizing for talking about fucking the lobbyist shouldn’t be your focus. You should be focusing on apologizing for betraying your wife with two other women, betraying the stated principles you used to get elected, and violating ethical norms by fucking a utility lobbyist whilst on the Utility Committee. Second, when you qualify your regret for your comments with a whine that you thought they were private, you reveal that you are (1) not genuinely sorry for the words, (2) not genuinely sorry for the conduct, and (3) too stupid even to be a state legislator. And let me remind you, the bar for that is breathtakingly low. Finally, where was your concern for sexual privacy when you were shouting the family-values party line to get elected?
On the one hand, when our legislators spend their time screwing lobbyists or playing solitare, at least they are not passing moronic legislation. On the other hand, when it comes to hectoring us about how to live our lives to win the votes of the sort of people who think that the government ought to hector us about that, kindly shut the fuck up. If you don’t, don’t come whining to me when you wind up like Mike Duvall.
UPDATED:
I am deeply saddened that my inappropriate comments have become a major distraction for my colleagues in the Assembly, who are working hard on the very serious problems facing our state. I have come to the conclusion that it would not be fair to my family, my constituents or to my friends on both sides of the aisle to remain in office. Therefore, I have decided to resign my office, effective immediately, so that the Assembly can get back to work.
Once again, chuckles, it’s not primarily the comments. It’s that (1) you were betraying your wife with two women, (2) you were having unprotected sex with at least one of them, then taking it home to your wife, and (3) you were boffing a lobbyist for an industry that your committee oversees. Oh, yeah, and (4) you are too stupid to live.
Updated Again: Mike acts even stupider.
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