Jealousy Enters The 21st Century

Aug 20, 2009

By Patrick.

Among the technologically inclined, its new vehicle may be Facebook.

Having relationship troubles? Is your significant other interrogating you, asking about your communication with people you used to date, or even with acquaintances you speak with infrequently?

Blame Facebook, say three researchers at the University of Guelph, in Ontario.

The reason? Jealousy. And not just any jealousy—”Facebook-specific jealousy,” say two Ph.D. candidates in psychology and their advisor. They add that such jealousy may increase the amount of time that you—or your significant other—spend on the social networking site.

It’s an interesting thesis. I disagree with it, that Facebook fuels jealousy within couples, and that this in fact causes (perhaps I should say provides an excuse to those already so inclined?) people to spend more time on the network, but I’m not an avid Facebook user. I have an account but I’ll go weeks without looking at it. And then sometimes I’ll post entry after entry in frenzied fashion. And while I have a partner who’s an avid Facebooker, my partner doesn’t seem to look at my contacts, nor at what I write there, though we’re “friends” on the service. And I (sorry if you’re reading this) never look at what she posts. Our offline relationship seems to be enough.

But then my experience may be atypical. Still, I’d say that, rather than “causing” or “creating” jealousy, Facebook and social networking generally, like any good technology, allows the jealous to exercise their vice more efficiently, and with greater frequency if they’re the sort that finds jealousy stimulating.

Many do. We’ve had labor-saving technologies serving most of the seven deadly sins, Wrath, Greed, Lust, Gluttony, etc. for decades.

It was only a matter of time before Envy caught up.

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5 Comments

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4 Comments

Old Geezer • Aug 20, 2009 @3:52 pm

There was a recent question on Ask Metafilter that went something like this: My husband snooped on my Facebook page and found that I had been flirting with this guy. Now he is all upset with me. So I changed my password so he couldn’t snoop again. How do I get him to trust me?

The responses were priceless.
Anon • Aug 20, 2009 @5:18 pm

My wife is very possessive. She was disinterested in Facebook until I joined. Thereafter she immediately joined, and made sure to send me a status request noting that she was married to me.

(She religiously reads my blog and monitors my Twitter, too. And God help me if I blog about anything she doesn’t approve of – which is often.)

She’s not exactly pleased that I even have male friends; female friends are even worse. She tell me to “be careful” because I have taken up a friendship with an older gay male who owns the same breed of dog as I do. (We meet at the dog park where our dogs to play.) Because, OBVIOUSLY, being seduced or roofied are real risks, ya know?

If it were up to her, she’d possess all of my time and all of my soul. Sad thing is, she’s not malicious. Poor thing is just too much in love with me. The oppression feels the same to me.

Thanks for the talk on the couch.
Linus • Aug 20, 2009 @11:34 pm

Anon, forgive me, your post reminded me of a C.S. Lewis quote(which I will now mangle): “She was the kind of woman who lived for others. You could always tell the others by their hunted look.” I feel your pain, brother.
Patrick • Aug 21, 2009 @6:30 am

Glad to give you the couch Anon. You’re always welcome to have a seat, no charge.

But since I’m sitting in the chair, rather than the couch, I’ll ask the question: Why haven’t you had a knockdown-dragout conversation with Mrs. Anon over the issue?

I’m speaking purely from experience here, but I know I’m older than you are, and I’ve likely been married longer as well. If a marriage is to thrive (not survive – many unpleasant marriages survive without truth between partners), now and then unpleasant conversations about really unpleasant topics have to happen. Have you had it? You know my email address if you’d like to take this private.

My marriage isn’t the best that’s ever been, but it isn’t the worst by any stretch. It’s a union between one very smart, and good, person and the evil dummy who happens to write at this blog. It’s survived in part because we give each other room. There has to be some in any successful relationship.