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RJ Romero
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For Immediate Release

Gossip blogger Perez Hilton rally for support by NYC nightlife King JE Englebert after recent assault.

New York City

Gossip blogger Perez Hilton rally for support by NYC nightlife King JE Englebert after recent assault allegedly by Black Eyed Peas band member Will.I.Am after the musician told the blogger not to write about his band on his website www.perezhilton.com Police charged the band's tour member with assault for allegedly punching Hilton during a confrontation at a Toronto nightclub early Monday morning. “Freedom of speech should never be compromised”  “Wether [sic] you love Perez or hate Perez he is a [sic] entertainment icon that has the right to free speech”  “I am inviting Mr. Hilton to be my guest of honor in NYC and have a VIP party for him and his thousand [sic] of followers at my nightclub Suzie Wong on a night to show love not hate. Guess what is on the menu at the event? I plan on serving “Pea” soup says Englebert

If you avoid the seamy world of internet celebrity gossip, Perez Hilton, most recently famous for his jihad against a beauty queen who gave a displeasing, but respectful and honest, answer to an unsolicited question about a controversial political topic, feels that his freedom of speech was compromised when after calling a member of the Black Eyed Peas a "fucking faggot," Hilton had his face punched in.

Demonstrating his mastery of Web 2.0, but perhaps not common sense, Hilton spent 42 minutes after the incident twittering for the police.

• I'm in shock. I need the police ASAP. Please come to the SoHo Metropolitan Hotel now. Please.
• I was assaulted by Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas and his security guards. I am bleeding. Please, I need to file a police report. No joke.
• Still waiting for the police. The bleeding has stopped. I need to document this. Please, can the police come to the SoHo Met Hotel.
• I spoke to my lawyer. I really need to talk to the authorities. Please come to the SoHo Met Hotel. Have called the police. Need them here.
• The Toronto police are here now. Thank you. Please stop calling them.

Perez Hilton has over a million followers on Twitter.  If one assumes that one percent of Hilton's followers were connected to the service, and that ten percent are as callow as he, that means that in 42 minutes the Toronto police received over a thousand calls from deranged Hiltonites begging, pleading, "SAVE PEREZ!"

Since Monday, Hilton has cast himself as a free speech martyr, the sort of man whose words you might not agree with, but you'll fight to the death to defend his right to say them!  For instance:

I am honestly SHOCKED at the amount of people saying I deserved to be hit. Shame on you! NO. Violence is never the answer. NEVER.

And:

I can expect him to scream and shout but NOT assault me. That is ILLEGAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Perez Hilton is well versed on celebrity gossip, but about the law he's sadly mistaken.  In fact, in Ontario as in most American jurisdictions, extreme provocation may be a defense to a charge of criminal assault.  Extreme provocation such as shouting, "YOU FUCKING FAGGOT!" to another man, of any sexual orientation.  As a gay man, one might expect Hilton to know that those words are offensive.

But as an American, one might not expect him to know that in Ontario, as in the rest of Canada, though not the United States, it was Perez Hilton who committed a crime on Monday night.  The crime of hate speech.

Under Canadian law, it is a crime to say, print, or publish words that are offensive to members of discreet groups based on gender, race, ethnicity, religion, and sexual orientation.  While under the criminal law it's debatable as to whether one's intent matters, under Canadian human rights law, intent is not an element.  Even if Hilton meant "Fucking faggot" as an endearment, he'll have to answer to a Human Rights Commission, should Will.I.Am decide to press charges on Hilton's return to Toronto.

But Canadian law doesn't stop there.  Query whether, by holding a support rally at a New York club whose name suggests that Asian women are whores, Hilton can also be prosecuted in Canada for violating the human rights of Asian-Canadian women.

And then there's universal law.  Moral law.  Natural law.  God's law.

It is in fact a universal law, under all moral codes, that if a man climbs into another man's face, shouting drunken, unwarranted insults, the penalty is what lawyers call an "ass-kicking."

It is a universal law that if a man who has received an ass-kicking based on shouting drunken, unwarranted insults complains about the penalty, he must be branded:  as a jackass who couldn't take a well-deserved ass-kicking.

It is a universal law that if a man conflates his well-deserved ass-kicking for shouting drunken, unwarranted insults with a violation of the right to speak free from interference from the government, as though he's Socrates or Galileo or D. H. Fucking Lawrence, as though he's a martyr, he must be branded again: as a hypocrite, an idiot, and a guy who really fucking deserves another ass-kicking.

Perez Hilton: Guilty on all counts.  And I'm not going to your fucking support rally.

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