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Law, Like Politics, Defies Satire

Jun 22, 2009
By Ken.
Law, WTF?

This weekend Cracked had a piece on The Seven Most Baffling Criminal Defenses, profiling inane, otherworldly, and seemingly bogus defense theories, some of which worked.

(I was pleased that they didn’t go for the cheap and easy shot at the frequently misstated “twinkie defense.”)

Surely, you think, these are mere outliers, exaggerated for effect. Surely people don’t routinely try such things in the courtroom.

Well, yes and no. Or more precisely, no.

On the same theme, via Walter Olson at Overlawyered, read the story of C. Aiken Blitz, who defended a speeding ticket by arguing that his BMW is simply so brilliantly engineered, its ride so baby’s-ass smooth, that he couldn’t tell he was speeding.

Legal realism note: as a rule, you will not find traffic court judges sympathetic to the defense “Your honor, I am not guilty because my German luxury car is too awesome.”

Blitz, I hardly need add, is a lawyer.

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  1. Transplanted Lawyer  •  Jun 22, 2009 @9:35 am

    In fact, the BMW is as superbly-engineered a car as Mr. Blitz claims, and if you’ve never driven one before it can indeed get you in a lot of trouble. When I was young and cocky, I got one and took it out on the 405. I can clearly recall thinking, “Yeah, I’m cool, and hey, why is everybody else driving so slowly, is there a cop up ahead?” and looking down at the speedometer to exclaim “Holy #@%&!!! How the hell did I get up to ninety-five miles an hour?”

    This is not a defense to a speeding ticket, of course, and it takes nothing away from the utter crassness of Blitz’s defense. But I understand how he got the ticket.

  2. Zoe Brain  •  Aug 3, 2009 @10:59 pm

    In the last 4 murders of transsexual people, the “trans panic” defence has been used in 3 of them. In one it had no effect, as the prosecution was able to show that the killer had known of the victim’s status for some considerable time.

    In the other two, one involving 64 stabwounds to the victim and then dumping the body in a river and fleeing the country resulted in a conviction for attempted manslaughter. In the other, a drive-by shooting to the victim’s side and back as she was running away (the shooter’s car failed to re-start) led to a voluntary manslaughter conviction, time served and probation.

    The Trans panic defence does not usually enable the defendant to completely escape punishment, but reduces the chance of conviction so much that prosecutors will accept plea bargains of extraordinary leniency.

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