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The Most Universally Despised Defendants

May 15, 2009
By .
Law

I've prosecuted, and represented, violent criminals, drug dealers, and sex offenders. What class of clients has been the most universally reviled?

It's telemarketers. Hands down.

The Federal Trade Commission's legal team, to be blunt, is not the varsity. But in pursuing telemarketers they are merciless and relentless and constantly radiating contempt for the telemarketing defendants they sue. It doesn't matter that their legal work is substandard — particularly for federal court — because federal judges tend to give them a pass. I've never seen federal judges express such open contempt for a client, and so transparently disregard a client's procedural rights and cut slack to the other side, as I have in representing telemarketers. Moreover, even though I've represented sex offenders and gang members who have shaved their eyebrows and tattooed "FUCK YOU" over their eyes, I've never felt as despised as a lawyer as I have when I represent telemarketers.

I suspect it's probably because they're such scumbags.

Case in point: you know those robocalls you've been getting on personal lines and business lines and cell phones telling you that your vehicle warranty is about to expire, and that you need to buy an extended warranty, even if your warranty isn't expiring or you don't even own a car? Yeah, big surprise, it turns out that's a scam. In addition to robocalling everyone without any basis to think the recipients of the calls actually have a car warranty about to expire, if you bite they also mislead you about their affiliation with your car manufacturer and falsely claim that their $2000 – $3000 warranty is an extension of your existing warranty, which it is not. This week the FTC dropped the hammer on a bunch of them:

The complaint filed Thursday names Florida-based Voice Touch Inc. and two of its principals, James and Maureen Dunne. It also names Illinois-based Network Foundations LLC and a principal in that company, Damian Kohlfeld.

A second complaint names Florida-based Transcontinental Warranty Inc. and company President and Chief Executive Christopher D. Cowart. The FTC was immediately unable to provide contact information for the defendants. Representatives from Transcontinental Warranty and Network Foundations weren't immediately available for comment.

You can read the complaint against Christopher Cowart and Transcontinental Warranty over here. Cowart's already having a bad month because irritated people on whocallsme.com found his personal information, including his cell number, and have been calling him to complain.

Cowart, and the other defendants, are likely to find that federal judges will permit the FTC to freeze their assets based upon a relatively incompletely and clumsily compiled showing. The judges will appoint receivers to oversee the assets; these receivers are generally eager to please the FTC in order to get appointed again and again, and make some very nice coin over the whole process. Then, stripped of most of their assets, the defendants will be left to litigate on the cheap, finding that the judges will cut breaks to the FTC and hammer the defendants at every opportunity.

As an attorney, and someone concerned with constitutional rights and government power, I recognize intellectually that it's a bad thing when we single out any person or group and treat their procedural and substantive rights as less valuable than everyone else's. First they came for the telemarketers, and I said nothing, and so forth.

But since they're telemarketers, I'd be lying if I said I felt a lot of empathy.

Last 5 posts by Ken

8 Comments
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8 Comments

  1. Rob  •  May 15, 2009 @9:37 am

    I suspect it’s probably because they’re such scumbags.

    I damned near chocked on my lunch reading that! Great post! ;-D

  2. Mark  •  May 15, 2009 @1:51 pm

    Alright, straight up? I've done this job. Sold magazines for six months in high school. 95% of calls hang up on you within 15 seconds, typically after a creative combination of Carlin words. Doesn't really matter, though, because you make so many calls during your shift. It's a bonus if you hate people.

    I understand the antipathy, and completely shared it for telemarketers who dared to call me. But c'mon – if there was a button you could hit that would annoy someone, somewhere in the world, that you'd never meet, and every time you hit it you received a few dollars…..you wouldn't press it a few times? A few hundred times? It's a decent way to make money when you can't find a respectable job, like selling crack to children.

    Because, seriously bro, I'm just trying to hook you up with some sweet deals on some magazines. And isn't that what it's all about?

  3. Mark  •  May 15, 2009 @1:52 pm

    OK, I don't know how to use the italics tags.

    :(

  4. Scott Jacobs  •  May 17, 2009 @7:44 am

    The next call I get from those "last chance to renew your warranty" people, I'm filing an FCC complaint due to harrassment. I can only tell them to take my name off the list and stop calling me so many times before I start swearing.

  5. Ken  •  May 17, 2009 @6:45 pm

    You want the FTC, Scott. Don't call the FCC unless someone flashed you a nipple or said "fuck" during a Small Wonder rerun.

  6. Todd  •  Jun 11, 2009 @12:46 pm

    Whatever. The constitution is being shredded and rewritten to support a corporate veil that protects assholes like these (and bankers, financiers, accountants, preferred shareholders). Screw em. the kind of law you are talking about has nothing to do with just or fair treatment. You just support all the money the rich can pay you to wield corrupt judiciary into a postive ruling for some smart ass psychopath rich kid. Send them to jail for a long time. It's just like Ted Stevens and all the corrupt bastards in Alaska getting off scott-free. It's a dog an pony show that keeps the rich, rich, and the rest of out of the chamber of commerce because we refuse talk your line of bull shit. Remember, join the Army, recite your Jesus talk, and don't say anything bad about all the rich people and you'll be approved for this business loan by my friend Joe, and maybe we can even find some one to buy that business in a couple of months for a tidy profit, right.
    Screw all of you who make this possible. America is in deep trouble.

  7. Ken  •  Jun 11, 2009 @12:48 pm

    Can I get that "Huh?" picture?

  8. Hans Smit  •  Sep 9, 2011 @8:43 am

    Ken, the words you wrote on the universally most despised defendants and the FTC and the courts approving whatever they do is 10000% accurate, and I am living proof of that.
    We were a fully automated Telemarketing service provider with 300+ customers, many of whom were reselling to others, and the vast majority was complying with the law.
    We were taken down by the nazi's ( same style ) in a razzia on june 2 2010, and intimidated by the FTC , the court and the receiver to where we are being bankrupted for "aiding telemarketers" that supposedly defrauded the public. NOTHING our high $$ attorney can do about it…

    I read your post in june 2010 and now in Sepember 2011 I am SURE your were right!